Skip to content
My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up
Do some men NOT enjoy anal sex?
avatar
FishStick1970 posted:
I am a 41 y/o female and my husband is 52. We have been married for 13+ years. He had always wanted to try anal sex and I agreed that I would be willing to give it a try. Turned out, I LOVED it! We only did it twice though and I have given him numerous indications that I would love to do it again but after only 2 times, he has never shown any interest. It's been over a year now since the last time. I know many of you will say I should just ask him but he's not the kind of guy that is easy to discuss sex topics with! I also don't want to put him on the spot and make him feel like I am disappointed in him or have him start having anal sex again just because he knows I want it if it turns out he doesn't really enjoy it. I guess I have always thought that all men dream of having a woman who will agree to this, and even enjoy it, but now I wonder if maybe it's not a big turn on for some men???
Reply
 
avatar
Elle0317 responded:
My ex didn't like it, my current man does....I guess it's the same as anthing else...some do, some don't...
 
avatar
wonderingaboutthis responded:
Well, I'm definitely a "love it" guy, and I'm not sure your husband realizes exactly how fortunate he is to have a lady like yourself who also loves anal...in my experience, the vast majority of women "hate" anal sex, even if they haven't tried it. My wife was one of those, she hated it because she listened to all the ridiculous myths flying around forever and thinking it was a dirty, smelly, nasty act. Which of course, it isn't.

Curious - the two times you had anal sex with your hub, were you comfortable with it right off, no pain, etc.? Were you two able to really "get it on", or was it more of a slow, take it easy, be careful type thing? Us guys seem to like instant gratification, and although I went through several weeks of restraint and stopping half-way through, etc., I stuck it out until everything clicked just right with her and she "cut loose". Not all guys want to put that much time and effort into something - there's a possibility for you.

Do you masturbate? Have sex toys? Use them in front of him? If so, try paying attention to your anus in front of him, don't just TELL him you like it, SHOW him you like it. Unless he doesn't have enough information yet, like he's not going to get fecal matter all over himself, etc., I can't imagine a guy not going for an invitation like that.

For us, the comunication part was hardest - talking about trying it, reassuring her that I wasn't going to plow ahead if she felt any pain, getting her to tell me what felt good and what didn't, etc. Once we broke the ice on talking our way through our first few tries, the rest was fun and games and lotsa pleasure for both of us.

Hope some or any of this helps - it just ain't right that a rare woman such as yourself with such a great attitude about anal sex should go without it....in any case, I would say your best bet would be to be the initiator at least once or twice more with some erotic anal foreplay showing him you're not kidding.... best of luck!
 
avatar
FishStick1970 responded:
Thanks to both of you for replying to my Q.

The 1st time was very natural and amazing....for both of us. I was on my back and I did not have any discomfort at all. The 2nd (and last) time I was on my hands and knees and he went a bit too fast and I gasped in pain for a second and told him to go slow and easy at first. He then did and all was fine. I wonder if that may even have something to do with it....he might be afraid of hurting me again.

The suggestion to SHOW him how interested I am might have just hit the nail on the head! Why didn't I think of that?! We both like to surprise each other with unexpected things so once in awhile we will surprise the other by letting them walk in while the other is masturbating and then things get really hot and heavy. I may need to try this and incorporate some anal play and then let him take over from there. If he does, great. If he doesn't, I'll probably have my answer that it's just not his thing. I have sent him dirty texts before though telling him that when he got home from work, he could have his choice of using the front door, back, door, or attic to be pleasured and he never picks the back door so we'll see what happens if I try a little harder to initiate it.
 
avatar
wonderingaboutthis replied to FishStick1970's response:
As "boorish" and "dominating" as anal sex is purported to be, (I use those terms tongue in cheek). most of us guys would feel terrible to find out we hurt a woman in any way during a sex act that society still tells us is bad. If your second experience resulted in some pain, please be sure to tell him that it wasn't HIS fault, it was BOTH your faults - you just got too carried away by the pleasure. In the early tries, my wife experienced some mild pain, mostly due to neither of us being able to figure out the corrrect angle of insertion. But the point is, it was MILD pain, more just discomfort, really, and she re-assured me that while it wasn't comfortable, I did NOT hurt her and it was no reason to stop..

One more thing that might help convince him - you currently give him free access to all your lovely parts, very likely anytime he wants. That has to be a wonderful feeling for him, I know it is me. But when my wife decided to add her anus to the list of pleasures avaible to me anytime I want, I never felt so privelaged - before, when her tush was off-limits, it always felt like she was saying, here I am honey, I'm all yours...welll, except...you know...But now, the level of intimacy has never been higher - she offers me her entire body, her entire person, gladly, for both our pleasure. No more "except for...." no more ass-terisks (sorry, couldn;t resist the pun) So every time we hit the sheets, it's like,. wow,,,the entire menu is available. That makes me feel like the luckiest man alive...she's offering her entire self to me....

FishStick, you "get it", and that's fantastic. Give him a show - show him how you swoon with that toy back there, and tell him "But I really want the real thing....back here....." half rolled over so your cheeks and anus are on display, he's dead if that doesn't stir up something hot and heavy.

Best of luck, hope you report back that all doors are being enjoyed by all.....
 
avatar
wonderingaboutthis replied to FishStick1970's response:
One more thing - next text, you might try telling him that the front door, back door, and attic are all available, but the back one needs his magic the most....
 
avatar
Anon_16867 responded:
wish my gf enjoyed anal sex...i used to finger her behind when i was down there licking her and she loved it then ..but when we tryed it with my penis she said it hurt too much..i guess it was cause we did not use the right amount of lube....but i would love to try it again...anal is the thing these days ..yes u can say that not all men enjoy anal sex but here is one that loves it...
 
avatar
FishStick1970 replied to Anon_16867's response:
Anon16867..... If your gf does decide to give it another try, go slow, give her lots of time to relax as you enter. As far as lubricant, when you think you've used TOO much, then you've ALMOST got enough! Once she's fully relaxed with you all the way in, then you're pretty home free. GL,
 
avatar
dfgbull responded:
I have always wanted to try anal, but my wife is not receptive to the idea. I think even if she was willing, I would not want anal very often. I really enjoy cuddling with her and falling asleep in each others arms and would not want to have to get up and clean up. Also i would have a hard time doing something if I even thought it had hurt my wife.
 
avatar
hairyd replied to dfgbull's response:
Bull, first use your finger or fingers in her anus. You need to increase to the size of your penis. Use alot of KY, etc. you may prefer licking to make it wet for her. There is less mess than frontal since there is only your cum (mostly in the hole) and not her juices. But you may want to use a comdom. Then there would be quick clean up with each use their tongue.
She will be so soft, smooth and tight you will think she was a virgin. Only she will know for sure.
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
avatar
Elle0317 replied to hairyd's response:
Any woman can do anal. It's that simple. She and only she can control whether it hurts or not, if she relaxes enough like she is when having a BM she can do anal. Yes, the lubricant is a help but it's up to her to relax. Ask her to push out while you are pushing in, make sure she has had a BM prior to engaging in anal. The pushing out is the same as when she is having BM, nice and relaxed....

This tip was the one I got during my first anal attempt and guess what? It didn't hurt...but felt really good!
 
avatar
bob249 replied to Elle0317's response:
Wouldn't the presence of hemorrhoids be a deal breaker?
 
avatar
Elle0317 replied to bob249's response:
I wouldn't know....never had them. But I suppose you can wait until they are gone and then try anal.....
 
avatar
wonderingaboutthis replied to bob249's response:
Not to barge in on your question to Elle, Bob, but many years ago my first wife had hemmorhoids,, a couple of small external ones and an internal one, from childbirth. We had anal sex like, all the time. As long as they weren't "flaring", you know, enlarged and bleeding, they made no difference.

I hate to be crude or indelicate here, but large or hard stools are rougher on a woman's anus than an erect penis. A penis, slathered with lube, "gives" a little and doesn't irritate like a hard or large BM does. She would bleed occasionally from rough bowel movements like these, and when that happened, we laid off anal sex until they "went down" again. Fortunately my current wife doesn't have any, so it's not an issue at all.

Penis size also really doesn't enter into the mix, I mean, unless you're talking a monster. I'm extra thick, but not as large as some BM's can be, and again, a lubed penis "gives".

So, at least in my experience, if employing some common sense, hemorrhoids are not necessarily a deal-breaker. Hope that helps some.


Health Insurance in Your State

Learn about plans, benefits, and costs in your state's Marketplace.

From WebMD

Helpful Tips

Oral Sex- deep throatExpert
Many people have trouble with the gag reflex (choking or coughing) when performing oral sex especially when they try to deep throat. You ... More
Was this Helpful?
70 of 88 found this helpful

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems to the
Food and Drug Administration

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website