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HUSBAND GETS ANGRY IF I SHOW HIM WHAT PLEASES ME
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aniebanana posted:
I need help.I have always heard men love to please a woman sexually.

I have put up with very little & boring sex sor 16 years.I have tried to gently show him what feels good for me.I know this seems odd but he goes out of his way not to do any of the things I ask.They are not kinky or any thing just what area arouses me.Then if I take his hand and guide him he gets reaaly irritated.

Please give me some suggestions.
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bob249 responded:
I detest liver ...

If my Lady serves me liver, I know I have seriously ticked her off.
 
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tlkittycat1968 replied to bob249's response:
Um, what does this have to do with the original question?
 
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hairyd replied to tlkittycat1968's response:
k cat, I agree with Bob. It takes two to enjoy good sex. AB is quick in her comments of what she wants. Has she give 100% to let him be the male. If she would relax and let him make love to her. She may see that he will let her have her 100%. Sex is receiving ; is she giving him what feels good to him. Or is she laying there wanting it her way and not enjoying his way. Men wants to know they are a GREAT LOVER. Provide him with what he wants; you will be surprise how quick you will also get what you want; also....
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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Anon_475 replied to hairyd's response:
Sounds like she tries to guide him and he refuses to let her show him how to make sex better. I had an ex like that. He took it as a personal insult if I wanted to change anything in what he was doing (like if I moaned "more ... " he would tell me to stop giving orders. Trust me, I wasn't giving orders). He was silent during sex. Wouldn't tell me what he liked. Wouldn't even moan if I did something he liked (and I pulled out ALL the stops). HairyD, it's hard to tell a man he's a great lover if all he does is climb on and thrust in silence.

OP - have you ever discussed this with him? Outside of the bedroom, calmly? Maybe he has a low libido and thinks that sex is just sex and that's all there is to it? Maybe he thinks it should be instinctive? Maybe he doesn't realize that it can be GREAT? Talk to him. You never know what you might find out.
 
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wonderingaboutthis responded:
I don't see anything this lady is doing wrong. Sex is for the enjoyment of both partners, not just the male. He's taking you for granted, Anie, and it sounds like he only is concerned with getting off, and for you to "do your duty" and lay there for him.

I think what happens in the bedroom is often a reflection of the entire realtionship. Is he controlling, given to ordering you around? Does he treat you well, as an equal, outside the bedroom?

In any case, you need to stand up to him. Sit him down, outside the bedroom, and calmly explain to him that you would like to have some pleasure out of your sexual liaisons too. Tell him that sex could be so much better for both of you if he would listen to your desires and accomodate at least some of them.

As far as sex being so infrequent, you could possibly change that by being the initiator once in a while. Seduce him - buy some sexy lingerie, let him catch you nude when he least expects it, etc.

If the rest of your relationship is sound, he should realize that he's not fulfilling you and be happy to make some adjustments. Sure hope any of this helps you, Anie.
 
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dfgbull replied to wonderingaboutthis's response:
I agree with you with one caveat. If she is not doing what he has asked for then his reluctance is understandable (note I did not say correct). As you said sex should be for both partners enjoyment so both need to learn what the other wants/needs and then do it (if at all possible).
 
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fcl replied to dfgbull's response:
Understandable but for SIXTEEN years? It seems to me that there needs to be a huge leap in communication for this to get better for either of them.

OP, what does he say when you ask him why he does this? Could he, perhaps, have a very conservative background?
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
 
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dfgbull replied to fcl's response:
I agree with you which is why i said not a correct response. If this is the issue they need a lot of help.
 
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aniebanana responded:
I guess I should have said in the beginning I do anything and everything to please him ,and I do not just lay there.
I wanted help and you people are cruel.I have found tapes of what really turns him on and it is tourtueing woman, strangling them cutting there throats and stabbing them all
while men are screwing them.So I guess he actually hates woman,I am horrified.I have been married to this man for 16 years and now I think he has a secret life that is sick& twisted.
 
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hairyd replied to aniebanana's response:
Anie, we can only reply to information given in the thread. Because of the addition information. I would advise you to speak with a lawyer about a exit to this marriage. But this has to be your personal decision.
Ask yourself honestly would you be better with him or without him. Sixteen years is a long time. Therefore you may want to consider marriage counseling. They can discuss options so you will make the right choice for you. God Bless.
Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
 
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elle0317 replied to aniebanana's response:
No wonder he got irritated, you are a woman with feelings and wants/needs. He wants a woman with no feelings and no wants, in fact he wants an inanimate object that he can use/abuse to masturbate with. I would not bother with marriage counselling and head straight for the divorce lawyer. I'm so sorry you had to endure 16 years of this. And try to remember that not all men are like this.
 
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elle0317 replied to aniebanana's response:
These sound like they could be illegal tapes and I would turn them over to the police. I have to assume when you say the men are stabbing the women during sex that they are snuff films?
 
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aniebanana replied to elle0317's response:
I did take them to the police.They are not illegal.I FELT REALLY STUPID.The police did not seem to care when I told them that I do think he may be capable of really hurting a real woman.I can not go into details but I found so much weird stuff, it made me throw up! I know for a fact he has followed an actual woman,so he really dangerous.I have to be careful.
He can get into my computer when ever he feels like it.

I have thought of a lawyer,infact I have consulted one. I would need to take out a restraining order&Ibelieve if I did not go into a shelter he would track me down and I would never be seen again.

I need to take my time and carefully plan an exit.

My husband is very smart,and a bit paranoid.
 
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3point14 replied to aniebanana's response:
(hugs)

Get to a shelter, and get the restraining order, and keep yourself safe. Clear your computer history, and don't get back in touch with him for anything.

Good luck.


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