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Used to love sex but now I don't. Help/tips/ideas?
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An_242729 posted:
I'm a 19 y.o. female (very close to 20) and I've been with my boyfriend for well over two years. We rushed into the relationship after the first 6 months or so of taking it slow and our sex life became completely awesome almost overnight. (He was not my first, but I was his first) For the first almost 6 months of being sexually active, it was nearly a daily thing and I loved it and he loved it. Then I got pregnant and though it was unplanned we intended on keeping the child and honestly we were both very excited. But I miscarried at almost 4 months (it was not my fault, though i blamed myself for a while). It was depressing but I feel like we both coped with it well. I got on birth control after that and was on it for 7 or 8 months. I was moody all the time and snapped at my boyfriend for every little thing. I also had absolutely no sex drive. We determined it was the pill I was on causing these problems so I stopped taking it almost 3 months ago. I do not have money to go back to my doctor to try another pill right now. Especially since it seems like all of the "good" pills are $80+ a month and I'd rather save that money right now so we can move to a new state this summer (we do not live together yet, but intend to once we move). Anyway, here is my problem: I still have absolutely no sex drive! Even when we try, nothing ever feels good and I can't get in a good mindset. In fact, it all feels wrong and awkward, and I'd rather just cuddle with lots of clothing on. I hardly even enjoy serious kissing anymore. Which is so sad considering how long I've been very close and comfortable with my boyfriend. And absolutely nothing gets me "in the mood" anymore. This is definitely causing tension in our relationship and I don't know who to turn to. Does anyone have any suggestions or ideas? Anything that might boost my drive? Or do you think this is some psychological problem that I need to see a therapist for? I'm very willing to try anything, so long as I can budget for it!
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soulmateslove responded:
feel awaful saying this but i am in the exact same boat as you, except i am 25 and have 2 kids....i have been with my man for almost 10 years! he was my first love and the only true love i have ever had....this problem needs to be solved...for me personally its all the sex on tv. after changing so much you see people doing it on tv and first off, its feels wrong for seeing that, second, they are always perfect bodied sluts.....i have a biiiig self esteem problem and i have no reason to..i am 5'2 and i weigh 118 lbs... (healthy weight for me though is 110. i am small framed....i still feel so insecure and i am so scared i will get left behind....i want to be in the mood but with all the negative influences, that and i just dont even pick up movies with any sex in them and my man gets angry or shall i say "frustrated" with the fact that i cant even skip past the bad parts....i was molested as a kid and i have told him which has made him way more understanding then before, but he still doesnt fully get it.....i am a stay at home mom too, it doesnt help when your stuck at work all day and dont get paid for it and then he comes home and i am still here at work....i do everything and i do mean absolutely everything at the home so he has nothing to worry about, i just wish he would feel as guilty about not being more romantic as i do not having energy or a sex drive....guys, be romantic....my man is not, in fact, he is so unromantic that if he starts being all sweet and flirty, its not even one sentence of something sweet before its " so....how do you want to do it?!" well, thank you very much but is there no such thing as just pure puppy dog love for eachother in marriage?? all i want is to cuddle every now and again, dont always make it about doing it all the way,,,sometimes all i want is a honest, i love you and nothing more, cuddle and kisses.........how can i tell him without him being totally pissed and taking it the wrong way????
 
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dfgbull responded:
From what you have said, I would think your issue is either hormonal (caused by the pregnancy, miscarriage, and b.c. pills) or emotional (you have been through a lot which has had to have had at least some effect on you). I know the money issues you talked about, but you really need to see a Dr. and/or a counselor.
I wish you good luck.


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Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
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