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20 yr male: sudden loss of libido
An_242923 posted:
Hi, this is so dumb that I am posting this, but I need help. I am a 20 year old male and last spring I suddenly lost all of my sex drive. I went from thinking about sex seemingly all day everyday to hardly ever anymore unless i force it, all changing over the course of a week. A few months after the occurrence i noticed that my testicles had reduced in size. The entire summer I was still able to have intercourse with my girlfriend at the time, but since then my ability to become erect has diminished as well. Masturbation is the only way I am able to get erections now. I was tested for testosterone levels this fall and they were normal. I have been told that it is phycological, but i really do not think this is the case. I really like this girl, and inevitably things will soon turn physical, but I don't know what I will do. Does anyone have any suggestion? I need help!
AlexKatehakis responded:
Sometimes our bodies can surprise us and do unusual things- like stop feeling sexy when we're with someone who we think is sexy!

It may be psychological in that this sounds like someone who you really care about. Often times casual sex, with little pressure and thus less potential to get hurt, can make it a lot easier to 'get it up' so to speak. It can sometimes become harder to maintain, or even develop, an erection when the stakes are higher and feelings are on the line, because you are much more vulnerable.

My advice would be to relax and really check in with your fears around intimacy- not just sexual intimacy but the idea of being close with someone in a relationship capacity, and what fears you may have around the idea that if they leave you it might hurt.

Additionally, it sounds like if you haven't gotten physical yet, there is a lot of pressure to perform. Anxiety can be a brutal erection killer, so again, try to practice relaxation methods, meditation, and deep breathing. And remember that sex should be about pleasure and the journey, not just the grand finale. Try focusing on her, relaxing, and breathing deeply!

-Sex therapy los angeles
An_242923 replied to AlexKatehakis's response:
Thank you for the response. I will definitely do my best to follow your advice. She came over tonight and things got physical but I wasn't able to perform. Hopefully next time.

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