24 yr old Male, Does not have interest in having sex with wife
An_243392 posted:
This is a very embarrassing post for myself, but it has been a problem ever since I have gotten close with me wife (at that time GF). When we started dating, we didn't have sex for some time but we were very intimate with kissing and other activities. Once we started having sex, it was great and we would try and have it as much as possible. However, it seems that as we got closer to each other, the less I wanted to have sex, kiss, or any other intimate sexual activity. I love intimate conversations.
When in college, I was always afraid of others hearing us have sex or knowing of a exact instance that we had it. This continues on with next door neighbors in our apartment and just any person in general. At one point in our dating relationship, we split for 6 months (at this point we were not having sex offen, maybe once a month). When I got back together with her, the sex was non stop and the best we ever had... but again as we got closer, it slowed down and essentially stopped.
Right now, we are as emotionally intimate as we have ever been and she lives 1500 miles away. When I see her once ever month or two, we might have sex.
This problem is killing my relationship as she has strong sexual needs and I want to fulfill them, but I am never in the mood. Intimate kissing bothers me and so does the though of having sex. I actually enjoy the sex if she can get me to do it. I have no problem masterbating either. I have no clue why I cannot be intimate with her.
I feel as if this problem stems from me always hiding masturbation when growing up, hearing that sex is bad, and not having parents that showed any intimate interactions (kissing and whatnot). I think because of these things, I subconsciously feel bad having sex with her and I don't want to do something wrong to her. When we fight and I feel less connected, I sometimes actually get in the mood.
I have no religious ties but an old fashion family with prude mannerisms. Please help me! I fear/know this could end my marriage. I feel as if I need a conditional reinforcement of sex being a good thing.
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE! I will answer any questions you might have that could help!
When in college, I was always afraid of others hearing us have sex or knowing of a exact instance that we had it. This continues on with next door neighbors in our apartment and just any person in general. At one point in our dating relationship, we split for 6 months (at this point we were not having sex offen, maybe once a month). When I got back together with her, the sex was non stop and the best we ever had... but again as we got closer, it slowed down and essentially stopped.
Right now, we are as emotionally intimate as we have ever been and she lives 1500 miles away. When I see her once ever month or two, we might have sex.
This problem is killing my relationship as she has strong sexual needs and I want to fulfill them, but I am never in the mood. Intimate kissing bothers me and so does the though of having sex. I actually enjoy the sex if she can get me to do it. I have no problem masterbating either. I have no clue why I cannot be intimate with her.
I feel as if this problem stems from me always hiding masturbation when growing up, hearing that sex is bad, and not having parents that showed any intimate interactions (kissing and whatnot). I think because of these things, I subconsciously feel bad having sex with her and I don't want to do something wrong to her. When we fight and I feel less connected, I sometimes actually get in the mood.
I have no religious ties but an old fashion family with prude mannerisms. Please help me! I fear/know this could end my marriage. I feel as if I need a conditional reinforcement of sex being a good thing.
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE! I will answer any questions you might have that could help!
1 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:24 yr old Male, Does not have interest in having sex with wifeThis is a very embarrassing post for myself, but it has been a problem ever since I have gotten close with me wife (at that time GF). When we started dating, we didn't have sex for some time but we were very intimate with kissing and other activities. Once we started having sex, it was great and we would try and have it as much as possible. However, it seems that as we got closer to each other, the less I wanted to have sex, kiss, or any other intimate sexual activity. I love intimate conversations. <br /><br />When in college, I was always afraid of others hearing us have sex or knowing of a exact instance that we had it. This continues on with next door neighbors in our apartment and just any person in general. At one point in our dating relationship, we split for 6 months (at this point we were not having sex offen, maybe once a month). When I got back together with her, the sex was non stop and the best we ever had... but again as we got closer, it slowed down and essentially stopped.<br /><br />Right now, we are as emotionally intimate as we have ever been and she lives 1500 miles away. When I see her once ever month or two, we might have sex. <br /><br />This problem is killing my relationship as she has strong sexual needs and I want to fulfill them, but I am never in the mood. Intimate kissing bothers me and so does the though of having sex. I actually enjoy the sex if she can get me to do it. I have no problem masterbating either. I have no clue why I cannot be intimate with her. <br /><br /><br />I feel as if this problem stems from me always hiding masturbation when growing up, hearing that sex is bad, and not having parents that showed any intimate interactions (kissing and whatnot). I think because of these things, I subconsciously feel bad having sex with her and I don't want to do something wrong to her. When we fight and I feel less connected, I sometimes actually get in the mood.<br /><br />I have no religious ties but an old fashion family with prude mannerisms. Please help me! I fear/know this could end my marriage. I feel as if I need a conditional reinforcement of sex being a good thing.<br /><br />THANK YOU IN ADVANCE! I will answer any questions you might have that could help!
BalconyBelle responded:
I'd recommend a sex therapist for you--and if you're open to it, it might help if your wife could come along so that she'll have a better understanding of what you're going through as you try to get this aspect of your marriage on a more even keel.
You're entirely too self-conscious about physical intimacy, and your mindset/the way you were raised has definitely warped and distorted your perspective on one of the best things life has to offer: an intimate, passionate, and fun/enjoyable sexual relationship with your wife. Sex is an amazing, incredible gift--and it can also be a physical expression of love. It's a wonderful way to show your wife how much you care, and for her to express how much she loves you. Sex is good. There's nothing inherently dirty or wrong about it; especially with the right partner.
It's great that you realize there's a problem; now the thing to do is work on fixing it. Unfortunately, it's not something that will change overnight, which is why I highly recommend therapy for the constant reinforcement, tools, and help you'll need to get the best chance to overcome this hurdle.
You're entirely too self-conscious about physical intimacy, and your mindset/the way you were raised has definitely warped and distorted your perspective on one of the best things life has to offer: an intimate, passionate, and fun/enjoyable sexual relationship with your wife. Sex is an amazing, incredible gift--and it can also be a physical expression of love. It's a wonderful way to show your wife how much you care, and for her to express how much she loves you. Sex is good. There's nothing inherently dirty or wrong about it; especially with the right partner.
It's great that you realize there's a problem; now the thing to do is work on fixing it. Unfortunately, it's not something that will change overnight, which is why I highly recommend therapy for the constant reinforcement, tools, and help you'll need to get the best chance to overcome this hurdle.
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Report This| Share this:24 yr old Male, Does not have interest in having sex with wifeI'd recommend a sex therapist for you--and if you're open to it, it might help if your wife could come along so that she'll have a better understanding of what you're going through as you try to get this aspect of your marriage on a more even keel. <br /><br />You're entirely too self-conscious about physical intimacy, and your mindset/the way you were raised has definitely warped and distorted your perspective on one of the best things life has to offer: an intimate, passionate, and fun/enjoyable sexual relationship with your wife. Sex is an amazing, incredible gift--and it can also be a physical expression of love. It's a wonderful way to show your wife how much you care, and for her to express how much she loves you. Sex is good. There's nothing inherently dirty or wrong about it; especially with the right partner.<br /><br />It's great that you realize there's a problem; now the thing to do is work on fixing it. Unfortunately, it's not something that will change overnight, which is why I highly recommend therapy for the constant reinforcement, tools, and help you'll need to get the best chance to overcome this hurdle.
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