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    Why? :''(
    Jade2012 posted:
  • ***************************************TRIGGER*********************************

    My husband (will call him Patrick) is sensing something - says I'm "a little off" lately. I've been terrible about remembering to do things or he's told me something which I swear I don't remember he told me & he is like "how can you not remember that? you said ok like you heard me." And, yesterday, we took the girls to a show that was an hour & a half away.....driving directions were printed ahead of time & I was following them, telling him what turns to take but I messed up & told him wrong & we got lost which made him frustrated. Didn't want to be late because my girls were guest performers in the show. We backtracked & I re-read the directions & I still messed them up! Ended up having an anxiety attack - over something I would not normally have one over. Patrick looked at me like he couldn't believe I was reacting that way. He kept asking what's going on. It took me awhile to compose myself & even then I could not focus on the directions. My whole evening was thrown off.

    Feeling drained.....I can cry at the drop of a hat.....just takes one thought.....I'm really listening to you now, Lovely & Paja - I don't think I can do that writing exercise for awhile. I've remembered enough with just journaling & discussions on here. Its not supposed to be like this - three times this week I've had to leave my office to go to a private bathroom to cry. I have a cold so when people ask me if I'm ok I tell them I have this nasty cold & its affecting my eyes. A few more details have surfaced & I'm at the point where I don't want anymore right now. I thought if there was anything more there that happened then the memories would come over the course of months or years. Just want them to stop now...on vacation next week & I just want to have a nice one with none of this in my head. I've even been praying to God - is he listening? When I remember now I see more. And the more I see the more questions go off in my head but I really don't want to know the answers now. How could he do those things to a little girl...... :''( Why? I really wasn't thinking there was anything more than what I could initially remember. He took my pants off & got on top of me. I didn't look at him, I was looking at the blank wall. He wasn't saying anything he was just pushing with something really hard onto my private area - it hurt - I tried to move away - he backed off but then just got on top of me again! He was so big......felt like he was going to crush my private area. He was rubbing himself all over me. I can see my Raggedy Ann blanket next to me & I hold it in my left hand & squeeze...............why? why? Can't say anymore right now. :''(
  • Reply
    Chris_WebMD_Staff responded:

    Jade I'm wondering if you meant to post here:
    Sexual Abuse Survivors Support Community.

    Life is too short, so kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly.
    Author Unknown

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