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Turned off by significant other... Almost feeling raped
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Anon_231123 posted:
So lately my 'fiancé' of 8 years and I have had some tension. There's been a lot of him flirting on the Internet with girls, bad talking me for attention from girls, etc. ANYWAYS.... He's been pushing for sex lately and I've been trying but I'm just not into it. Not ONLY am I not into it... But if he tries to sexually stimulate me (like playing with my breasts) I try to picture him as someone else or start to panic while he's doing it. Like I don't even want him touching me or playing/sucking on my breasts. I literally start to panic and push him away. It's like this unwanted/annoyed feeling. What is wrong with me? I was ok last week and never had this problem before. Is this fixable or is this me subconsciously trying to distance myself? really need help. Thanks!

PS- im only 23
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3point14 responded:
You're definitely distancing yourself, you're getting treated like s*** by your fiancee and have to try to imagine he's someone else to be into him.

What do you say to him when he initiates sex? What do you say when you catch him flirting with other girls? When do you two plan on getting married, and what do you plan on doing to not feel like this before you get married? Have you been sexually abused?
 
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Anon_231123 replied to 3point14's response:
He tries to grab my breast and play with my nipple but I jerk away and tell him I'm not feeling good. Hen I found out he was doing all of this I asked him why and what I did wrong and all in a calm manner. He says he can't talk to me. I've been forced to give oral at gunpoint (not by my fianc?) but that was a long time ago and it never bothered me. I'm generally a calm quiet person... So I dunno why he can't/won't talk to me. It's not a physical unattractive to sex its mental. As soon as he starts touching me I feel panicked and annoyed and I want him to stop. I try to continue hoping the arousel will quit these feelings but they just get worse.
 
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xMissxCarriex replied to Anon_231123's response:
8 years is a long time. We need counseling but can't afford it. He's signed up on all of these dating sites n stuff. He talks bad about me to other girls if they find out I exsist and craves female attention. I have fibromyalgia and sometimes hurt too bad to have sex and he makes fun of me to other girls about how I'm lazy sexually and I'm not experimental, which is BS. I even started doing anal cuz of him and I used to resent it. I do everything he asks and better and he never complains to me but to everyone else he does. :,(
 
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BalconyBelle replied to xMissxCarriex's response:
I'd seriously consider ending the relationship. I agree with Pi--he's treating you like crap, actively looking for multiple other sex partners/your replacemnt, is lying about you, mocking you, and refuses to stop any of the behaviors that are damaging your relationship. He doesn't want to talk to you, because he doesn't want to change--and he won't even give you the respect of telling you it's over. He's keeping you around for sex, while trolling to get it somewhere else.

Honestly, I'm amazed you stayed this long. You deserve better than a partner without an ounce of respect, integrity, or faithfulness in his body...and at the heart of you, I think you know it. You can't stand him touching you or trying to have sex with you because you can't stand the way he's treating you, and given that he refuses to change, I'd say the time has come to kick him to the curb.
http://erynlockhart.wordpress.com
 
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dfgbull replied to Anon_231123's response:
He is definitively NOT treating you right but one question. Did you get counseling after your rape (oral at gunpoint)? This could be a big part of the problem. See a counselor if only to be sure that you are not still emotionally wounded from the rape.
 
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fcl replied to kidsurgeon's response:
Seriously? Look at the way he's treating her and tell me with a straight face that you'd find that sexy.
There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.


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