Skip to content


    Exciting News for WebMD Members!

    We've been busy behind the scenes building new message boards for you. You'll have new and easier ways to find messages, connect with others, and share your stories.

    And, this will all be available on your smartphone or other mobile device!

    What Do You Need to Do?

    The message board you're used to will be closing in the coming weeks. While many of your boards will be making the move to our new home, your posts will not. Want to keep a discussion going? Save posts you want to continue (this includes your member profile story), so that you can re-post them in the new message boards.

    Keep an eye here and on your email inbox, we'll be back in touch soon to give you all the information you need!

    Yours in health,
    WebMD Message Boards Management

    Sexual Anxiety? Performance?
    hollywood_10 posted:

    First time poster, looking for lots of feedback, tips, advice anything. So I've never had a problem with my sexual performance. Now out of nowhere I had an issue one night. I couldn't keep it up. I lost intrest, and there was an awkward moment right before. Even though this was the first time I noticed, what happend later is why I am posting. The next night my wife (9yrs) and I had no issues. Then another night after that, I had a problem again. But I was able to somewhat continue, but i was soo flustered that I blew within seconds of penetration! A couple days later again. had troubles. She gave me oral sex to get me hard again, that worked. But only to end up blowing with in seconds of penetration again.

    Ive never had this problem to this point. Never. I do work a lot. I do frequently masterbate. I've been drinking beer 4-5 days a week for a year now. And never had this problem. Now all I have is fear of failing and it is difficult to even get excited.

    I've made some changes as this has scared me to no other. Im 34. I love my wife and I don't want to use medication to make love to her when 3 weeks ago, I had no issues making love to her. I suspect this is around the discussion of sexual anxiety/or performance as my root cause now. So what do I do? See a theripist? Phycologist? Phyciatrist? I'm very worried, and its starting to affect my work, sleep, eating.

    I changed my diet. I'm working out again, I haven't had a beer in over a week. I have noticed that I've been getting hard in the morning now. This was something that I haven't noticed in weeks. But still no sign of getting excited around my wife. Its instant tense and worry. Like severe nnervousness and butterflys. Seems the more I try to relax or put it out of my mind the worst it gets. How can a guy, go from no problem, to majore problems in just one short week! Please, advice and feedback.

    fcl responded:
    Sounds like performance anxiety. The only thing you can do about it is NOT make a big deal about it an not think about it (as impossible as that sounds). You see the trouble with performance anxiety is that the more you worry about it the more it will happen... These things happen to just about every man at least once in his life (only nobody talks about it). Let it go. Tell yourself that it's not serious (because it isn't ... but can become recurrent if you worry yourself about it).

    If you can't get it out of your mind then try spending a couple of weeks where you can do anything you like sexually with your wife EXCEPT penetration of any kind (including oral and anal). If you know in advance that you can't even try it might heelp you focus on other areas of your sexuality ...

    " How can a guy, go from no problem, to majore problems in just one short week! "

    By dwelling on it ...
    There's nothing inherently dirty about sex, but if you try real hard and use your imagination you can overcome that.
    hollywood_10 replied to fcl's response:
    thankyou for your feedback. Does anyone have a story where they were in my shoes and how they snapped out of it? I'm very sensative, I will admit. And I take things hard. This is starting to effect how I feel about my wife now. Jealousy that she might go find someone else, etc. And now I feel that feeling in my chest all day long, not just while I'm in bed wondering if I'm going to have issues when she crawls in....

    Very sad. Very frustrating.
    BalconyBelle replied to hollywood_10's response:

    In one short week, you're beginning to doubt your wife just because you're having a little difficulty? Snap out of it. Your physical symptoms are already waning; all you're doing right now is tearing yourself and your marriage up with your own insecurity. Don't allow it to continue. Don't let your mental hang-ups poison your relationship. It's not fair to either you or your wife.

    I've experienced an extended period where being around my SO produced no feelings of sexual desire. I've experienced an extended period of time where even when I felt desire, I was unable to climax. It lasted for months. He had the misfortune of meeting me when I was suffering from PTSD, and I simply wasn't in a good mental place to relax and enjoy the moment. I was scared and nervous and anxious--I was afraid I'd blow it, and I was worried that if I couldn't respond normally, this wonderful person would find someone else who would.

    Sound familiar?

    What helped me get over it was trusting his judgment. The people who love us do so for any number of reasons---some of which we may not even see when we're too busy being down on ourselves. They love us, and that gift of love and faith is too precious to treat with suspicion. They love us--and sometimes, the best thing to do is take the focus off ourselves, and show them that we love them, too. Court your wife, woo your wife, stop thinking about yourself and focus on her. If you're able to stop dwelling on what's happening with you, and just enjoy being with the person you love, you might find the issues you're experiencing resolve themselves.

    Right now, you're dealing with performance anxiety; so take FCL's advice and remove the pressure to perform. Explore intimacy all you want, romance your wife, cuddle, kiss, ect...and use this as an opportunity to explore and enjoy all the things you love about each other beyond penetrative sex.
    hollywood_10 replied to BalconyBelle's response:
    Nice reply. Thankyou for the feedback.
    hairyd responded:
    Holly WOOD-10, some male take 200mg of Ibuprofen. Thirty minutes before intercourse. They swear that the tablet will delay them bursting their nuts. Physical or relaxs their mind??? If you refuse to have a exam and discussion with a doctor. You may also try vitamin D to see if it will get your hard. Post what happens with you (or the doctor vist) for info to help other Guys. I know how bad we want and need Hard Wood.
    Always remember your penis is unique, just like every man.
    hollywood_10 replied to hairyd's response:
    My bloodwork, testosterone and blood pressure were both normal.

    Dr believes it is in my head, gave me a couple of cialis samples, he said sometimes a guy just needs a confidence booster. They did the job. And no premature ejaculation.

    However; My heart races like crazy with worry, fear and anxiety of possible failure. I have started to get morning erections again, and a little easier to masterbate again.

    I'm gonna try to give it more time. I started to see a counslelor and I'm focused on my wife instead of worrying about myself and failure. I will post in a month how Im doing.


    Helpful Tips

    Difficulty having an orgasm?Expert
    Try reading Becoming Orgasmic: A Sexual and Personal Growth Program for Women by Julia Heiman , Joseph Ph.D. LoPiccolo and David ... More
    Was this Helpful?
    6 of 9 found this helpful

    Related Drug Reviews

    • Drug Name User Reviews

    Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

    FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.

    For more information, visit Dr. Becker-Phelps' website