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Surviving Infidelity amazingly supportive and helpful website
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An_210687 posted:
After I learned my H was cheating on me (started only 1 year after we married), I also learned he'd cheated on his first wife their entire marriage (32 years), with one affair 20 years long... I was heartbroken, thought I'd been careful the second time around - long dating, engagement, etc...

I would not have survived without the helpful group on SurvivingInfidelity.com (SI)

You can go there and read without signing up. In order to post you join (it's free).

It doesn't matter that these were "only" one night stands - she broke your faith, made you doubt your sexual prowess, and called into question your entire life (was it a lie?).

You *will* get past this - one way or another. Folks on SI say that to save a marriage the unfaithful partner MUST talk about it - it is the only way the betrayed heals...

Warm Wishes for better days.
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William1229 responded:
I found out after 28 years my husband had a whole dark side that was beyond my understanding. He started cheating 17 years ago and I trusted him totally. Found out by accident when down loading the check book to a accounting system. Found money leaving the joint checking account by $1000's a week to not one person but seveal women at the same time.
Seems he has fathered 2 children with two of them and supporting another's drug habit. Neadless to say I'm divorcing him, but I have forgiven him, but I still love him, even through our marriage was a lie.

Since the end, all my friends and family has come forward to tell me of his indiscretions and how much they disliked him and were happy with the divorce.

Even the priest wants me to start he annulment process asap.
I can't believe I was so trusting. Please check out your check book and see where the money is going. He cost me my home and of course our we were in deep debt after his lover's expenses.
 
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An_210688 replied to William1229's response:
I am so sorry you are having to go through this terrible time. Just remember it is NOT you, it is a character flaw in him. You couldn't have changed him, I don't think. I hope you can go on and develop a good,happy life. Make him take care of you and any children you have. That is the least he can do.
Though I have been married 20 years, my husband commited adultery only once. I just found out about it a few weeks ago. I am feeling the gamut of emotions and having a hard time dealing with them. We have decided that we do love each other and want our marriage to be even better than before. Therefore, we are going to see a counselor next week. I want to forgive him but don't feel it yet.
I guess I should feel lucky that he only did it once, says he really regrets it and won't do it again. I should be thankful that he still loves me and is willing to do whatever he has to in order to make things up to me. I still think about leaving. I just don't know if I will ever forgive him or trust him. I fret whenever he leaves the house. I have told him this and I think he understands. He said he would call me frequently to let me know where he is and who he is with. I appreciate that. I still look through his lunch box, desk and truck. That is where I found the real evidence in the first place. I have also gotten copies of the checks he has given her and am going after her to get it back.
I truly hope you will feel better soon. I know it will take a long time. For you and for me. May 2010 be a better year for you. Take all the help you can get. Whether it is from friends or family, a counselor or a group. You need to hear people tell you how much they love you and how terrific you really are.
Our husband's have commited the worst against us, the key is to not let it ruin you.
I don't know if an injured spouse can ever truly forgive. Forgetting is out of the question. I don't know if I have to forgive my husband before I can accept his infidelity and make a real effort to save my marriage. I am trying not to worry about that right now. Get counseling if you need it. There is no shame in asking for help in dealing with a problem of this magnitude. Good luck. Give yourself the hugs you need.


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