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An_210689 posted:
I have been married for 23 years with my childhood sweetheart. For the past 16 years he has created, foster and strenghen an emotional relationship with my sister all while neglecting our relationship. He says he love both of us the same and I cannot accept this. I know that my sister also has feeling for him because she told me so 5 years ago. She is 37, unmarried and has never had a serious relationship with anyone. She began having feelings towards my husband when she was 20. He also claims that he has never had sex with her, but I do not believe that. He is very confused right now. Should I just ask him for a divorce or give him some time to sort things out. I asked him what he wants and I dont get a straight answer from him. I am emotionally a mess since he confess his love for her last week.
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isabellin responded:
do you want to share your husband??
ok then so you know what to do... he said he loves you both the same way what a jerk..

dont find excuses for him care about yourself only...

Leslie Becker-Phelps, PhD responded:
I think the real questions are: What do you want? And, do you need time to sort things out?

Can you imagine being happily married to him after all of this? If this is a possibility that you would like to at least try to pursue, then you might want to give him a chance to sort things out, as well as give yourself a chance to absorb and work through all of this (don't try to jump to being ok with it, forgiving, and moving forward before you are ready). As you consider the possibility of staying with him, I think it is important not to confuse being sad or hurt or afraid with wanting to work out your marriage to him-- which brings me back to the original question: what do you really want??
alaska_mommy responded:
If this has been going on for 16 years then what is going to change by giving him time to sort stuff out? He even has told you he loves your sister?? Why have you both stayed in this relationship this long anyhow? You need to cut him loose and find someone who can be devoted to you and passionately in love with you.

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