frusteratedand confused
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frusteratedconfusion posted:
my husband and i have always enjoyed our sexual desire although i truly believe his more than mine as i cannot reach orgasim as often and that leads to only one of us getting satisfied, and makes it very aggrivating at times, my husband can reach orgasim in just seconds sometimes literally, that confuses me as he said when we first met he had not had sex in a very long time so i bought that for a while, but it has been 10 years and he still can reach his orgasim in less then 30 seconds and that is not stretching the truth, and it seems he just says o honey thank you i feel sellfish you did not get relieved, and just lays back and goes to sleep, the majority of the time being with out even a kiss until later he will say i did not get a kiss after sex,, i shake my head like wow you worry about that and i havnt had pleasure in months, wow is it something wrong with me or is it possible he just wants the sex quick so he can relieve him self and not worry about me caue i appual him or something, i am not fat not skinny i am thin but have a lot of stretch marks and a bit of left over flab on my belly, it is unatractive but can it really be that unattracted that this happens? I am so frusterated to the point i have contiplated an affair just for the sex although in honesty i have not, we fight about one thing he is sellfish with a lot of other things as well as a man he is terrific a great provider but to my feelings or needs just down right sucks..
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An_210674 responded:
Wow I'm totally with you on this one!we sound alike but you know why I think men also masturbate/porn is because they don't have to worry about pleasuring another they can just pleasure thier self then there on about thier way! I feel your pain girly!take care
 
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Italiano58 replied to An_210674's response:
Now, now, now Anon_3704, i don't think you're being fair here when using the word "men" like that. I can understand if you said "some men" when talking about pleasuring themselves rather than worrying about the woman. I am one, and i know there are many other men in this world who don't think about their own pleasure first, but more on pleasuring their woman first and foremost. I feel for you women who whose husbands or boyfriends tend to only think about their own sexual needs, it's not right. I am a firm believer in a relationship being 50/50 in everything, sexual pleasuring included. Of course, i understand that there will be some days when 1 partner might not be as "in the mood" sexually as their mate, and when this happens, you should look to make up for it the next intimate encounter together.

It definately isn't right that some men do this, and tend to think about their own sexual needs, but just understand that there are also some women in this world who do the very same thing. It just sucks when we're the ones who happen to end up with them!
 
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An_210675 replied to Italiano58's response:
Sorry did not mean anything bad when I stated "Men"!no hard feelings :0) take care
 
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j5dc2 responded:
Frustratedandconfussion, I am sorry your husband is not satisfying you in your love life, but instead if thinking about cheating just for sex, please try to educate him and tell him what you want him to do for you. Fighting and being resentful will not help, but if you coach him I am sure he wil respond better, certainly, it would be better than having an affair which it would bring a lot of more complex problems into your marriage.

My wife and I are in our mid 40s have been maried for 15 years, and our sex life is the best ever. It has not always been this way though as it took me some time to learn how to be in control of my desires for a quick relief instead of pleasing her. I have educated myself by reading materials, we have been in marriage retreats many times, and have talked to her about things that I feel I need to know in order to be a provider, husband, lover, and friend to her. It requires a lot of proactive work, on both parties part, to build a strong marriage.

As far as our sex life goes, we make love at least 5 times per week, more often than not we have it every day, from time to time more than once a day. I would say that she reaches orgamsm at least 75% ot the times, which is satsfying to her and to me because even those times when she does not reach one she still enjoys it very much. This is possible because our objective is to please one another not our own selves. We have even talked about fake orgasm and have agreed that those are not necessary in our relationship since we know that those times when, for whatever reason, she cannot reach one she still enjoys it and so am therefore no need for her to fake it.

I hope this helps. Take care and rember to ask for the things you want and need, but in a way that is not confrontational. If needed, find a marriage counselor to help you both. Some men need more trining than others, but for the most part, every man can learn to please his wife.