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just need to write this out (may trigger??)
washedaway posted:
Just in case i'm going to leave some room here..............................

My dad is in the hospital, he'll probably be ok, but who knows, he's diabetic, got swelling in his legs to the point that it's painful and because of the diuretics he's been on for the swelling his kidney function is low. i don't know how to feel about this, don't really know what to say...just need to put it out there with people who know what it's like to not have a "close" relationship with abusive family members...or a relationship at all...i just don't know
An_210525 responded:
i just cant heleped but think that there will be a very special place in hell for them........will i dance on his grave? probably
awesomelexie responded:
You don't have to feel any particular way. It's weird when society kinda expects you to care since it's your dad... you feel like you 'should' care. But, you really don't. No explanations and no apologies. If he wanted a close and 'normal' relationship with you, he shouldn't have been abusive.
ffltat responded:
It is confusing. there is a part of you that wants them to be well and wants/wishes for that relationship. But there is another part that knows the pain they will inflict on you if you do try to get close.

It is ok, you are allowed to feel confused, maybe somewhat angry, or nothing at all.

Just remember to take care of you.
washedaway responded:
thanks everyone, i'm here with my mom now, he's been in a coma since thursday night and won't be coming out of it. we will be making the decisions regarding continued life support tomorrow (will be removing it unless there is drastic improvement, which the drs say will not happen). as much as i wish i didn't feel anything about this, i do...and frankly this sucks.
I know i'll be ok through this, and i'm glad i can be here for my mom
gottagetitright replied to washedaway's response:
Hi K,

I have no words for you at the moment but I'm sorry to hear about your dad.

Sending warm fuzzy hugs to you and your family!

lovelylemontree310 replied to washedaway's response:
You must have very mixed feelings about this, Kendra. On the one had, I want to say "I'm so sorry" but on the other I want to say "I'm so glad for you." But now he's going to be out of your life... and the constant physical reminder and torment will be left behind. Maybe you can look at this as closing a chapter in the book of your life.

Sending love,

Rubberboa responded:
K -

Your standing in a strange spot where the past and the furture all crash together in a cacophony of emotion and time.

You are the young girl who's dad is dying, you are the grown woman who's abuser is dying you greive for the young girl and the fantasy dad she always wanted right along side the part of you who is angery that he is getting away form what he did without having to ever deal with it and take responsibility for it.

((((((((((((((((((K))))))))))))))))))) I hold you all as you face this sudden change in your journey.

I hope you allow the girl who dreamed of and needed a healthy normal dad to grieve and say her peace. She will always love him, and need him no matter what. Nothing will ever heal that pain.

I hope you allow the grown up you are discovering in therapy, time to greive as well. That part of the equasion that has wounded you is being taken away from you and with the answers you think are there to solve the questions you have,


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