[TRIGGER] This is kind of a long story so please bear with me... When I was 2 my mom died, so naturally my dad took care of me and he did get remarried but never had anymore kids, the closest family member to my age was my cousin (who we can call Caleb for sake of confusion). Caleb was almost 3 years younger than me but we seemed to get along pretty well, we both played sports and enjoyed to hang out together. When I would stay the nite at his house (which was almost every weekend) we would sleep in his bed, which was a king so both of us had plenty of room. Around the age of 12 I started having weird pains in my buttocks but never thought anything of it. One night I woke up to Caleb touching my breasts and rubbing my genitals through my pajama pants. I let it slide thinking it would all go away. But it happened a few more times and eventually the hurt grew into anger and one nite I laid awake, waiting for him to make a move. When he did I rolled over and beat him in the face repeatedly and gave him two black eyes and a bloody nose. When his parents asked what happened he said that I accidentally hit him in the face with a hockey stick when we were playing street hockey (which they would believe because that was something we did almost everyday). Fast forward 5 years. I'm now 17 and have been off and on with Calebs best friend (who we can call Chase). Chase only became friends with Caleb because he wanted to be with me, now that me and Chase have gotten back together and are serious this time about things (I'm moving in with him in 4 months) Caleb seems to be jealous. He recently told a mutual friend (who we can call John) that me and him had sex. Which is untrue as far as my knowledge goes. When Chase called me to tell me this, I instantly broke down crying because it brought back so many memories. I cant stop thinking about if he really did rape me in my sleep and I was unaware of it. I really need some support because I dont want to fall back into drugs or cutting. I have tried so hard to get rid of both of those things and this is just setting me back.
thats a lot to be dealing with. Sorry your being put in that place. Welcome to the board, so glad you found us.
If you haven't severed all ties with Calab then that is the first thing to do. draw a line and shove him over it and have nothing to do with him. Don't take his calls. dont be where he is, don't read his texts etc.
Tell Chase your decision and tell him not to bring you any more gossip as caleb is being exhiled from your life.
Wow, I can only imagine just how much this hurts and how many memories and feelings it brings back.
If you haven't already, can you talk to a counselor or rape crisis center? I have found that, in my own life, I deal with something and think it's 'done' and some time later, it can come back up again. It doesn't mean I haven't dealt with it, it just means that it affects me in the new situation/time period as well, in a different way. Like if you injured your leg, and find out it hurts when you run, and you deal with that; then later you try ballet and you find you have trouble with some poses because of the leg as well. You had healed it for running as best you could but now, you are faced with a different situation. Or in your case, your leg was healing and then someone hit you in it by bringing up the memory, and now you have to heal from that too.
All that is to say, it is indeed a big deal, and the more support you can gather around you (like you're doing by coming on to the board), the better.
I am really sorry this happened to you. You did not deserve it and do not deserve all this fallout and drama.
Caleb is sick and in need of so much help that I hope he gets from somewhere... and I hope it's from someone who is not like me, because the help I would give him would include kicking his teeth out.
It was good advice you receive to exile him from your life. Please do that.
Hello, sorry for what your going through. I believe you need to seek a therapist, counselor, psychologist. You need to talk to someone and get everything out and the therapist can help you through it. I know what your going through. I was molested in my sleep also for many years and never knew it until one night I woke up. I could never figure out why I would wake up in the morning with no underwear on. There's help out here, seek it out you won't regret it. Good Luck Jayne
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