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Beamp2 posted:
[TRIGGER]
First of all I'm sorry I can not offer support to anyone and I feel like I belong to this board most of all even though my subject probably would fit better in a diff baord but most know me alittle here .My T has had me sign a contract the last 2 wks I do it just to get out of there it's that or the hospital it states no self harm(SUICIDE) take meds as prescribe no excesive drinking .I don't know if I can keep the contract when I sign it and this is not fair for her.I an thinking of calling her and telling her this isn't fair to her and I can't keep the contract and I realease her as my T but if I do that is she obligated to call the police on me I just want my brain to stop thinking and it feels like it's a tv on constantly arguing back and forth about dying or not .I now carry pills on me just in case have not told my T that do I plan on using them who knows .I just know I'm miserable people tell me to take my new prescription the dr called in I can't thinking about taking it wants to make me run I want my brain to stop I told mt T all I think about and fantize is how my family would be better with out me and I picture their life without me . I can't take my meds.I can't ask for help cause I wouuld be in the hospital and I would rather dissappoint my family by dying then going in their again .I feel so alone and trapped.Writing here helps me be at least truthful to someone to get it out in the open and out of my brain for a second so I am sure this doen't make sense .Thanks for being here for me and letting me air this out
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slik_kitty responded:
giving support isn't a requirement to be on this board. if you need help post, and we will be here for you. it's been kinda quiet lately though.

your t is only thinking of what is best for you. if you can't control it on your own with a contract, then you need to be in the hospital to keep yourself safe. if that's the best place for you right now, then that is where you should be.

take the prescription you were given. meds can help alot. you may not want to, but it is something that you need to do.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Kitty said it well (as she so often does).

That constant internal arguing is exhausting. Your depression is wreaking havoc with your thinking, dear Beamp. Your family is NOT going to be better off without you. That's one of the lies Depression tells you. The truth is quite the opposite. Don't let it win.

Please take the meds that were prescribed AS prescribed. You have nothing to lose and so much to gain.

Please tell your T exactly what you've told us. Therapists can only help as much as we are honest. And if being in the hospital is what is needed to keep you safe, it's a good idea.

And if you need immediate help, please call 911 or a crisis line .
 
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awesomelexie responded:
Thank you for trusting us with how badly you really feel. We take that and cherish it, and we are listening, and care.


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