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Posting to the communities has been restored. Our technical team is still completing ongoing maintenance, and you may experience some technical problems.Thank you for your continued support and patience, and if you have any further questions, please email

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MarySings posted:

I am very suicidal.

Can't talk to Albert because he gets angry.
Can't talk to Dr.B because he is on vacation this week.
I feel so alone and hurting.
I am actually totally numb of any emotions.
I am going back to bed so I don't have to think.

I am sorry if I have ruined your Christmas joy.
MarySings responded:
Well I expected that everyone would be busy and not find time to sit at their computer.

A lady in our town committed suicide night before last. She sat in her car and froze to death. My sister was telling me about it and started giving details until I said STOP. Now I have another plan. Criminy

I've really been struggling with my depression this fall and it looks like it's going to continue into January. I hate feeling this way!

Will I ever be happy again? It's exhausting putting on the happy face when I leave the house.

Mary :-(
slik_kitty replied to MarySings's response:
((((marry)))) so sorry you are so down. that's awful about the lady. this world isn't easy to live in sometimes, and add depression to the mix, and it makes it even harder. i wish there was something i could say that would make you feel better. at least know that you are heard and understood. keep talking here if it will help. hugs again.
djtimewilltell responded:
Holidays are so difficult. I know what you mean about the suicide thing. That happened to me once--almost same situation--and that's all I could think about for a while. I had one more method/plan. I would think freezing to death would be a horribly long and miserable way to go, though. Anyway, I also know it's hard when our t is out of town. It always made me feel panicky.

Mary, I know you can get through this. You have so many times before--just do it one more time. Know you are cared about. I'm praying for you. Are things any better today? Did you have family around for the Christmas weekend? Was it tiring? Can you get some rest? (((((hugs))))

e-mail me if you need anything...or just want to talk. I have the day off but may be in and out. Time to get some groceries.

Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to MarySings's response:
Mary, it's a day later.... how are you doing?

As Donna said, holidays can be so difficult and pretending all is fine when you're not feeling fine inside can be exhausting and add pressure.

Talk to Albert, whether he gets mad or not. Talk here. Call a crisis line . Find ways to get yourself through. You know it will pass as it always does, but you need to take those steps to keep yourself safe until you can see Dr. B again.
awesomelexie replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Mary, I posted some stuff just now. Can you try it? Get that TAT booklet emailed to you and try it.
MarySings replied to awesomelexie's response:
Lexie, I can't find the stuff you posted.
MarySings replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
I made it through Christmas.

I can't talk to Albert about it. January is coming and that means I will be spending a lot of time at the store to prepare the 2010 paperwork for our CPA. And at the end of January we are going to Phoenix for a convention.

It's it all lovely? No time is good for leaving this earth.

MarySings replied to MarySings's response:
I found it and will look it up on the internet. Thank you.
awesomelexie replied to MarySings's response:
Hope it works for you, Mary, and that you are able to find something to hope for.

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