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    My Name is new but I've been here before...(Trigger?)
    WolfFaerie posted:
    My name is WolfFaerie but my old posting name on here was FaerieRose, mostly called Faerie. I've been away from the board for a long time now and not sure how many people will remember me to be honest.
    I'm back in active therapy with a mobile therapist that comes to my house every week. For the past three weeks, I've been starting to deal with past especially about my SA from my Uncle and other abuses by my Dad. I've renewed my faith in God just not always sure that I'm on solid ground at the moment.
    Working thru my SA issues is hard work and very scary for me. Cuz facing this all over again is like it just happened yesterday, which I know is not true. Remembering the looks on HIS face make me truly and utterly sick. I want to vomit just thinking about it. How could he steal innocence like that and feel nothing? I feel like nothing in all of this and yet know that I'm not.
    Can't write or think or talk about this now maybe later on. Just wanted to share what's going on and to reach out a little bit too.
    Peace~ Wolf
    ttsmile responded:

    Welcome back to the board. We're always here to listen. For me, this is a place where I can say those things I am most afraid of, and not worry about being judged.

    I know the look you are talking about, and for me, that is even scarier than what happened. Each one of in this world is important. It is awful that someone tried to take that away from us.

    Listening when you need to talk
    Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
    It's very good to see you again and to hear about the work you're now doing in therapy.

    I remember feeling the same... how could he/they do this to that innocent little child?! And in that disgust I found my righteous anger and that became empowering and healing.

    It IS hard work but the light on the other side of this is truly wonderful.
    WolfFaerie replied to ttsmile's response:
    Thanks for welcome and hugs too! I'm just glad someone knew what I meant by His look. It gives me a sense of knowledge as well as peace though that might sound odd to others.
    writejessss replied to WolfFaerie's response:
    Hi Faerie. It is very good to *see* you again. I was thinking the other day about all of the people who have come and gone over the years. I was wondering what you have been up to; I'm very glad to hear from you again. You'll continue to be in my thoughts as you work through this part of your past. Be gentle with yourself. This is hard work. *gentle hugs* Welcome back!

    WolfFaerie replied to writejessss's response:
    Hi Jess! Thanks for the good to *see* you again! It's kinda hard to be gentle with yourself with so much emotions and thoughts going thru your head at about ninety miles per minute instead of hour.
    My therapist tells me that he's proud of me and the work I'm accomplishing lately. After having only female therapists thru the years that eventually abandoned me in one way or another. My very male therapist is very gentle with me and doesn't push me into a direction I'm not ready to take.. that helps alot actually. I'll have been with him for a year come the middle to end of April.
    I have a journaling homework assignment that I'm avoiding 'cuz I'm afraid of what the process with bring out of me. I know that I should just sit down and do it but the little girl in me is hiding from all hurt and pain. "crying" I don't want to do this and I'm so afraid to see what comes out of all this stuff. I just don't know to where to go with all of this.
    writejessss replied to WolfFaerie's response:
    ((gentle hugs)) *handing you a tissue and sitting down beside you* I'm sorry you are hurting. The unknown can definitely be frightening and often the things we remember can hurt a whole lot. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it really is worth it and it does get better. I know, I hate it when people say this to me too... but it's true.

    I know that you are sad and hurting, but I also know that you are incredibly strong and that you can do this. Be gentle with that little girl inside of you. You'll be doing some difficult work together, but that makes it all the more important that you take good care of yourself. Take some time to just relax, do things that you and the little girl enjoy...remember to take a break from the hard work and strong emotions for a little pampering when needed. Bubble baths or a little coloring with crayons are some of my favorites.

    Remember you are strong and brave. You wouldn't have made it this far in journey if you were not. You can do this, I have faith in you...we all have faith in you.

    I'm glad you were able to find a therapist that is such a good match for you. That can be difficult to do and can make all the difference.


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