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really need help to save myself
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thecontinuousrepressor posted:
Ok. I'm not use to doing this so forgive me. I was mentally and physically abused for multiple years as a child. I finally got out of it before I went to high school. I have almost always had emotional detatchment problems. I have been through alot though. Anyway, I went to counselling then for this, but I refused to really cooperate like I was suppose to & they finally just let me out. I wanted to be able to be strong for my little brother & my mom, so I refused to completely face it. 2 years later the scar reopened and I was forced to face it again. At that time I still didn't get counselling for it I just talked about it with everyone. then I came to terms that it happened & was able to talk about it in full detail. I repressed everything else about it though cause I didn't seek help to deal with the iceberg as a whole. I was able to repress alot of it, but it terrified me the constant thinking of what he would come out & do to me & everyone I loved.
It impacted me so much that it is still affecting my love life and most of my relationships with almost all men. My abuser just got out of jail like in the past year to year & a half & even though I have been preoccupied with my divorce from my husband, having my third child and everything else going on in my life it is still lingering big time making it to where I can't talk about what goes through my head or even voice most of what I want. I have problems talking with my significant other, our love life has seriously took a hit & just last night I came to terms with what the root cause of it is. I still haven't come to terms with what has come to pass all those years ago so now that my divorce is over & things are settling down it is resurfacing. I feel as though my subconscious is lashing out. I have sleeping problems because 1 my daughter is about to be 6 & if my bf is there I can't sleep cause i'm afraid she will have to go thru what i did & it isn't fair to him because he has never done anything. I also see the man in the majority of my dreams now. not to get too personal but during intimacy I sabatage myself the majority of the time because I get close to my climax & then It is like a momentary flash that I don't exactly know what it is, but it stops it in its tracks. it has done that with almost all of them, not just this one. It has goetten worse since he has gotten out of jail. I have problems telling my significant other what "feels good" or almost anything verbal like that during any intimate activity. I love him I really do, but I seriously don't know how to explain any of it to him. He is pushing me to go into mental health this week, but today he said he feels like it won't improve our sex life or anything. it will probably just give me peace of mind. I really need some kind of support & words of encouragement & if anyone has had similar situations, did they work out after seeking professional help?
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WolfFaerie responded:
Hi Continousrepressor! Welcome to the board! I'm glad you found us. When your child reaches the age you were abused at is a very difficult time in a parents life mainly because you don't want to see it happen to your child like it happened to you. I know cuz I've gone thru it with all three of my daughter's when they turned 6 years old. I was an absolute basket case for an entire year at both times this happen I was not in therapy either but I do remember journalling about it.

You've got alot on your plate. I know trust is a very big issue not just for you but for myself as well. I think it would be a good idea to seek counseling or therapy in some form to help you cope with everything that is going on right now. I would also suggest sitting down and talking with your b/f about how you're feeling and thinking at this time if he knows that you've been abused.

I also think that you have a very smart b/f that wants to see you healthy and have peace of mind about what is going on in your life too. Having a good support system in place is key to good mental health. My hubby is one of my supports but not the only one. I would encourage you to really look into therapy or some other type of counseling.

Wolf
 
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iwanttostop responded:
just wanted to say hi, welcome we have a lot of the same issues, and sounds like we have made some of the same choices. i am not able to give any advice because i am still not health enough, just wanted you to know you are not alone.


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