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    az330 posted:
    I feel so down. The memories keep flooding me. I can't seem to get my father out of my mind. I feel so defeated. The world is swallowing me up today.

    lovely_lemon_tree responded:
    (*throws down a rope for you to hold onto*)

    AZ, keep in mind that you've just gone through a major emotional upheaval. You're bound to be sad, and you're bound to be angry and have all kinds of mixed feelings.

    Come with me to cash my check and mail my rent today. Then we'll go to Goodwill and pick up some household items (carpet "anchors," those hem things they advertise on TV), and then we'll go to Wal Mart to buy Savannah some treats. Then we can go to water zumba. It's chilly here -- 40s and raining, so bring along a sweatshirt and an umbrella. But if you'd like we can go to the waterfront and sit in the car and watch the sea that is gray-green today. I'm only two blocks away from the harbor.
    melisfit responded:
    It's tomorrow. How are you?
    az330 replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
    It tried to write back to you last night but I don't know what happend to it. Its been my luck.... You are lucky to live by the ocean. Its always so soothing and calming even if its a stormy day. I wish I could be there. I hate living in the desert I don't even the last time we had rain. I hate feeling like this. Thank you for listening to me.

    az330 replied to melisfit's response:
    I feel so confused. I am trying to just take it one day at a time. I have alot of anger in my heart. I hate my father. I hate feeling like this. I wish someone would put me out of my mysery.

    Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to az330's response:
    This level of pain and anger will ease, AZ. Keep talking here, keep taking care of yourself; you will get through this. (((hugs)))
    You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
    ~Christopher Robin to Pooh
    lovely_lemon_tree replied to az330's response:
    I may not always write, AZ, but I am here. Sometimes I just don't know what to say, and sometimes there are just no words. But I am here and I am listening.

    I used to live in El Paso and I understand about the desert thing. That's why I fled to New England. I needed some moisture, clouds, ocean and snow. This town will become a tourist trap come Memorial Day, but for now, I like to just be one of the "locals" and enjoy the scenery and the peace in weather the tourists ordinarily can't hack. (Heck, it snowed 6 inches here one day this spring, and the cancelled EVERYTHING. I used to live on the Canadian border, and it snowed 6 inches as a matter of course. If everything came to a screeching halt there, nothing would ever get done! I shrugged, brushed the snow off, and went out. Everyone else holed up inside. Even these mid-coast Mainers are wimpy. )

    My coast is always available to you.
    az330 replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
    When I was younger I would always day dream about moving to the tip of Maine. To me it was the farthest place away from my father. Somewhere where he couldn't hurt me. The way I feel now I would sit on the docks all day and watch the waves crash in.

    melisfit replied to az330's response:
    I'm sorry that are things are so painful right now. You say you used to daydream about living in Maine. Is there any possibility you could re-locate, give yourself a fresh start?
    You are in my prayers. Please be kind to yourself
    ((hugs)) mellie
    lovely_lemon_tree replied to az330's response:
    One of the many reasons why I relocated was the same as yours, only my abuser was my ex-boyfriend. I still remain here... hoping that he's far, far away. Living in the same time zone is not acceptable.

    I wish he'd drop off the earth.

    Failing that, I go to the ends of the continental US to find peace.

    (I am only 88 miles away from Calais, the tip of Eastern Maine.)
    lovely_lemon_tree replied to melisfit's response:
  • glower*

    the Web MD website is temporarily unavailable.

    What I was going to say, AZ, is that I'm only 88 miles away from Calais, the tip of Eastern Maine. I also fled far, far away from my abuser and the memories of him. I remain here, trying to feel safe, but living in the same time zone is unacceptable.

    My own garbage.

    Maybe you need a vacation. (I know I do!!)

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