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Grouchy. Maybe a Trigger?
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artchick88 posted:
I am not doing a good job of pretending this weekend. I am such a grouch, and I can't help it. I want to be alone I don't want to have to entertain all the family in town. Having to share my space when I feel like this is extremely hard. I have to hide my journals whenever my mom is in town because in the past she has taken them and read them. I feel like I am on emotional/mental overload and can't use my normal coping because there are so many people around that keep adding to the pile. I feel like a bad person, this isn't me Im a happy person but after everything that has happened this week all the triggers in my life this week, I have a hard time just feeling ok. I need a few days to just be alone. I hope I don't sound like I am complaining too much; I do try to look for the good in life but sometimes it gets well exhausting. Im venting and I hope that is ok.

I have had a hard time with guys lately. One hurt me extremely bad he used me for sex. Every time he would make me feel like he would leave me if I wouldn't have sex with him and then I would give in and he would still stop talking to me for weeks or months… I went back to him 4 times- what is wrong with me. The last 2 weeks there has been a new guy so nice so sweet, but I want nothing to do with him the niceness scares me. I am not use to being treated like that by men. So I start ignoring him, it is what I do to everyone who gets too close or scares me. He texted and called over and over and I keep ignoring. Last night he finally asked me to please be honest with him and tell him why when he thought we had such a good thing going that I would just disappear. I answered that I was scared; that I had a lot of issues I was dealing with at the moment blah blah blah. He got mad, he said he was paying for all these other guys mistakes and that when I got over all my "issues" to "hit him up"- There it is what I was waiting for the niceness was an act he is another one of the pigs.

Im so sick of it, I would rather be alone forever. I was so angry and I know I will never be able to find a good relationship because of my "ISSUES" I hate my ISSUE the one that isn't my fault I didn't want it, the abuse has changed my life I often think what would I be like if these things had never happened to me… guess I will never know.- I need my space, I need to not be around family and that makes me sad because it is mothers day and I am not being the nicest to mine today but I feel like I can't help it, I am angry with her lately for her role in my abuse. Im just a little angry.
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DOGDANCING_TCOS responded:
you have every right to angery with your mother. It took me a long time to find peace with mine. its inexcussable she knew and did nothing to protect you.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
 
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melisfit responded:
Hi Artchick,
It's very understandable that your angry with your mom. She was supposed to protect you. I'm also sorry to hear that your "nice guy" turned out to be such a jerk. I think it was very brave of you to admit to him that you were keeping distance with him because you were scared. If he were really a nice guy, he would have had empathy. At least you found out before you got close enough for him to really hurt you. I'm sorry you need to be here, but welcome. mellie


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