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Got my facebook started finally...
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healingmychild posted:
Saturday was the day.I had been thinking of getting it started for a while but I wasn't sure til now.I felt good about it.I was staying up to wait for my older son that had gone to his prom I figure it would keep up.So my younger son help me set it up and kind of told me how to use it.In a few minutes I started getting request from cousins and family.At 3 hours I get a message it was from one of the "uncles" abuser. I started getting anxious and feeling sick.How fast I read the message he was saying that the pictures I put where nice and my family look good.The boys are getting older.How his wife remember me how nice I was to her(this was before I confronted him and the other brother.)He wish me a happy mothers day.I just couldn't believe what I was reading.He had just send the message it felt like he was just waiting for me to respond.I had sseen his picture earlier and was requesting but I ignore.So I try to figure how he did it because he wasn't my "friend'.
The next morning I got my son the oldest teach me how to protect and not let people that haven't been accepted see my facebook.My son showed me how to just take people off so they stop asking. So no longer I need to see his picture or messages.But I just was in so disbelief that he had try to connect with me.why??he worry that I would start saying things and his wife that don't know anything about the incest.I told my husband what happen and he wasn't so happy. He don't want me to get into the facebook and with all that has happen this few last years.Confronting both abusers in the family and the family reacting very negative.But I really don't care.I am being careful who comes in to my facebook.I will have people that respect and support me if they know.The others that don't know if they question they are welcome to ask and I will not hold back to tell the "family secret".So far I am enjoying it and its fun to see others picutres and sharing them too.
Healing
~I am entitled to my own truth.~
There's more than anger,more than sadness,more than terror.There's Hope ~Edith Horning
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
I'm glad you managed to make things more private after the initial set-up. I keep mine VERY private as well.

Anyone can message you even if they're not on your friends list even if they can't see your wall and pics UNLESS you actively block them. I have a few people blocked on mine.

Go through all the privacy settings which can change now and then, and just be sure you're comfortable with where things are set.

I'm sorry he contacted you. Abusers often seem to do that as they live in a world of denial about what they did and need the rest of the world, including the one s/he abused, to believe in their 'reality'. Glad you got him blocked.

And I'm glad you're enjoying it. Like anything else, this is a tool and it's up to you how you want to use it.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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healingmychild replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Thank you Caprice Im getting to see how it works and Im trying to be as careful as possible.I have family that said some very rude things back then they have request to be friends and I have accepted some but I feel I don't have anything to hide and if they respect they can stay if not they go
.I dont have to hide the secret anymore most of the people know about it so if they don't like it they can go off..I have put on my likes books of self help on Incest a book by Erin Merryl book I read.I feel that I won't hide all that happen but also enjoy my life now that Im working on letting go and moving on..Im working on moving on and enjoying with family and friends it might not be alot of people but what counts who supports.
Thank you for your advice and yes Im going to have to keep on checking on this issue.I might just have to talk to him once to let him know to respect my decision.
I haven't been feeling well since Sat I been having headaches and not sleeping well.
Thank you for responding my message.Sometimes I feel very lonely around here.Also I haven't been feeling well.But i hope to feel better and see more activity.
~I am entitled to my own truth.~
There's more than anger,more than sadness,more than terror.There's Hope ~Edith Horning
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to healingmychild's response:
I sure hope you start feeling better soon.

Re 'him' - only talk to him if that makes sense for YOU to do; you owe him nothing, not even an explanation or stating you need him to respect your wishes.

It sounds like you're feeling more empowered lately and FB is just another step forward. It's nice living in the light.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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healingmychild replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
I am trying to not think of it alot. But when I go on it I think what if he goes thru all the blocks but Im just hopeing he stops trying.I told my mother and she understands its my space and he shouldn't be trying to get in.
A couple weeks ago I was feeling very down.But this last week I just felt like I need to start getting out of the hole that I felt.But then I get this surprises and i think its just a test to hold on and stay strong.Last night I had a dream of the other abuser looking for me (his younger brother) crazy scary dream.It trigger my fear deep inside.I know they can't look for me physically but in my dreams they do and its because what happen.On mothers day I was so tired that I didn't sleep just thinking of the message on computer it really shock me.I appreciate asking about it because I haven't seen my therapist but Im planning on.I have been very tense headaches for days.Today was the first day that I didn't get one relief.
So far the facebook thing has gone good.Still trying to get the hang of it. Thank you Caprice again for your attention.
Healing
~I am entitled to my own truth.~
There's more than anger,more than sadness,more than terror.There's Hope ~Edith Horning
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to healingmychild's response:
So here's my question... what if he does go through all the blocks and sees that you're blocking him? (Is that even doable?) So what? You don't have to ensure he's okay with this. You only need to stop him. You don't owe him or anyone in your family any explanation of why you do what you do on your own FB page.

If you know the contact information of the other person you don't want to find you, put a block in right now.

A good friend of mine had a similar experience as yours when she first went on FB and it really threw her too. But she learned how to protect herself and has since been able to really enjoy FB for how she uses it.

Take care, Healing.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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healingmychild replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
My son help me put all this blocks some where extreme because he is not living in country.But it was the only way to keep him away so far.But then I think if I just had responded to his message and told him I didn't want him on my fb would that had been better? and I have thought can he find out I put like a big restriction for him? its true what you say I don't owe anybody explanation why I don't want him on fb.He is all over with the rest of family and I have notice a block on his face so my question do the other person that has him as friend see that or its just me who see it??
Thank you Caprice
Have a good weekend
~I am entitled to my own truth.~
There's more than anger,more than sadness,more than terror.There's Hope ~Edith Horning
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to healingmychild's response:
It would just be you who would see that, Healing, I would think. So they don't know you've blocked him.

I hope you have a good weekend too.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh


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