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I had enough. .... right?
An_245486 posted:
When I was in grade school, my brother handled me sexually. It was a one time thing but at that age, I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know if it was ok or not. I spent my childhood sexually confused and embarrassed as I learned about the proper divide that coincides with siblings.
My brother's action has since then permeated my mind with the addition of years of abuse; watching my sister's head get slammed into a glass window, beating us because we were simply "in the way". .... spitting in my face because of one stupid comment...
I became aware of my loss of innocence of my childhood as I entered my teen years. I grew increasingly angry and no one ever understood why.
In the last few years, my mother had a stroke, and in the early months my family tried to band together and care for her at home.... I ended up being the target of attack. He bruised my face, and I scratched his chest out.....
Over time, he became my mother's personal care worker.... but I have never felt completely comfortable around him. Regardless of his current status, I have seen recently that it has never changed him.. he raised his voice over me, his adult little sister, which sparked all the anguish, anger and memories from within.
I've let the truth loose and even his pregnant wife found out (something I was not aiming for). My own older sister and I don't get along either, claiming that everything is my fault. She then admitted last night that she too had a situation w/ my brother in the past and that I "need to get over it".....
The thing is, I believe in my morals and values... I don't want to live in silence... yet this family is so torn that I feel pressured to wish I had just kept my mouth shut.
I fear that my father, the remaining fully-independent parent will hear... and it breaks my heart because he's already aged with a lot of painful history in his past.....
I don't know how I will handle this if he discovers the truth... it all makes me think silence is a better choice..
My brother's action has since then permeated my mind with the addition of years of abuse; watching my sister's head get slammed into a glass window, beating us because we were simply "in the way". .... spitting in my face because of one stupid comment...
I became aware of my loss of innocence of my childhood as I entered my teen years. I grew increasingly angry and no one ever understood why.
In the last few years, my mother had a stroke, and in the early months my family tried to band together and care for her at home.... I ended up being the target of attack. He bruised my face, and I scratched his chest out.....
Over time, he became my mother's personal care worker.... but I have never felt completely comfortable around him. Regardless of his current status, I have seen recently that it has never changed him.. he raised his voice over me, his adult little sister, which sparked all the anguish, anger and memories from within.
I've let the truth loose and even his pregnant wife found out (something I was not aiming for). My own older sister and I don't get along either, claiming that everything is my fault. She then admitted last night that she too had a situation w/ my brother in the past and that I "need to get over it".....
The thing is, I believe in my morals and values... I don't want to live in silence... yet this family is so torn that I feel pressured to wish I had just kept my mouth shut.
I fear that my father, the remaining fully-independent parent will hear... and it breaks my heart because he's already aged with a lot of painful history in his past.....
I don't know how I will handle this if he discovers the truth... it all makes me think silence is a better choice..
4 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:I had enough. .... right?When I was in grade school, my brother handled me sexually. It was a one time thing but at that age, I had no idea what was going on. I didn't know if it was ok or not. I spent my childhood sexually confused and embarrassed as I learned about the proper divide that coincides with siblings. <br /><br />My brother's action has since then permeated my mind with the addition of years of abuse; watching my sister's head get slammed into a glass window, beating us because we were simply "in the way". .... spitting in my face because of one stupid comment... <br /><br />I became aware of my loss of innocence of my childhood as I entered my teen years. I grew increasingly angry and no one ever understood why. <br /><br />In the last few years, my mother had a stroke, and in the early months my family tried to band together and care for her at home.... I ended up being the target of attack. He bruised my face, and I scratched his chest out..... <br /><br />Over time, he became my mother's personal care worker.... but I have never felt completely comfortable around him. Regardless of his current status, I have seen recently that it has never changed him.. he raised his voice over me, his adult little sister, which sparked all the anguish, anger and memories from within.<br /><br />I've let the truth loose and even his pregnant wife found out (something I was not aiming for). My own older sister and I don't get along either, claiming that everything is my fault. She then admitted last night that she too had a situation w/ my brother in the past and that I "need to get over it".....<br /><br />The thing is, I believe in my morals and values... I don't want to live in silence... yet this family is so torn that I feel pressured to wish I had just kept my mouth shut.<br /><br />I fear that my father, the remaining fully-independent parent will hear... and it breaks my heart because he's already aged with a lot of painful history in his past..... <br /><br />I don't know how I will handle this if he discovers the truth... it all makes me think silence is a better choice..
DOGDANCING_TCOS responded:
welcome to the board, glad you found us.
Why you so afraid of father finding out? It was his job to protect you in childhood. Why are you protecting him now?
Don't allow you family to lay all this crap on you. Draw a line and shove them all over it. You take care of you, get into therapy and find your power/peace and place. Then and only then should you think about opening doors and investigate having a relationship with them.
You may be an adult now, but each time you go to deal with him you are that child he molested. You need to get your power back before dealing with him.
Peace be the journey
Paja
Why you so afraid of father finding out? It was his job to protect you in childhood. Why are you protecting him now?
Don't allow you family to lay all this crap on you. Draw a line and shove them all over it. You take care of you, get into therapy and find your power/peace and place. Then and only then should you think about opening doors and investigate having a relationship with them.
You may be an adult now, but each time you go to deal with him you are that child he molested. You need to get your power back before dealing with him.
Peace be the journey
Paja
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
Report This| Share this:I had enough. .... right?welcome to the board, glad you found us.<br /><br />Why you so afraid of father finding out? It was his job to protect you in childhood. Why are you protecting him now?<br /><br />Don't allow you family to lay all this crap on you. Draw a line and shove them all over it. You take care of you, get into therapy and find your power/peace and place. Then and only then should you think about opening doors and investigate having a relationship with them.<br /><br />You may be an adult now, but each time you go to deal with him you are that child he molested. You need to get your power back before dealing with him.<br /><br />Peace be the journey<br /><br />Paja
An_245486 responded:
Thank for your kindness and support. I'm afraid my father will find out because he's so old. He's a ventran and seen much hardships in his life. I just want him to live the remainder peacefully.
I feel stronger ever since I found this support community. For a long time, I've been repressed and thought I found ways around it but this time, I feel positive and stronger each time I move forward.
I live at home with my father to care for him is nearing his 80s. ... I would like to add that this week, my sister (who once lived in the same house) has finally left for good for she never contributed towards supporting this household. Although there's still a lot to overcome regarding my brother, I feel really blessed to have my father's love, and this community.
I'm beginning to feel like I am myself. Thank you Paja.
I feel stronger ever since I found this support community. For a long time, I've been repressed and thought I found ways around it but this time, I feel positive and stronger each time I move forward.
I live at home with my father to care for him is nearing his 80s. ... I would like to add that this week, my sister (who once lived in the same house) has finally left for good for she never contributed towards supporting this household. Although there's still a lot to overcome regarding my brother, I feel really blessed to have my father's love, and this community.
I'm beginning to feel like I am myself. Thank you Paja.
Report This| Share this:I had enough. .... right?Thank for your kindness and support. I'm afraid my father will find out because he's so old. He's a ventran and seen much hardships in his life. I just want him to live the remainder peacefully.<br /><br />I feel stronger ever since I found this support community. For a long time, I've been repressed and thought I found ways around it but this time, I feel positive and stronger each time I move forward. <br /><br />I live at home with my father to care for him is nearing his 80s. ... I would like to add that this week, my sister (who once lived in the same house) has finally left for good for she never contributed towards supporting this household. Although there's still a lot to overcome regarding my brother, I feel really blessed to have my father's love, and this community.<br /><br />I'm beginning to feel like I am myself. Thank you Paja.
dustnbones99 replied to An_245486's response:
I wish i could offer some good advice but i've never figured this problem out myself. The abuser was my grandfather in my case and the abuse went on from when i was an infant until the age of around 14. I was always so afraid that my father would find out about what his dad was doing . I was an adult before i told my mother and she refused to believe me. I never spoke to my dad at all. Looking back, now that both parents are dead, i realize that they knew about the abuse all along. The whole family knew. It's possible that your father knows and like my parents just can't face the truth.
Report This| Share this:I had enough. .... right?I wish i could offer some good advice but i've never figured this problem out myself. The abuser was my grandfather in my case and the abuse went on from when i was an infant until the age of around 14. I was always so afraid that my father would find out about what his dad was doing . I was an adult before i told my mother and she refused to believe me. I never spoke to my dad at all. Looking back, now that both parents are dead, i realize that they knew about the abuse all along. The whole family knew. It's possible that your father knows and like my parents just can't face the truth.
An_245486 replied to dustnbones99's response:
I discovered that all my siblings now know forsure. How did I find out? I mentioned my broken relationship w/ my sister to my sister-in-law. My other brother (the non-abuser) nearly drowned this past week... I found out b/c i was stopping by to prep dinner while we waited for my brother to return home. Stupid brother, this one has a tendency to think he's invincible against nature the day the boat flipped over. He wasn't wearing his life jacket.
Back to my point, i noticed my sister in law acknowledged the fights my sister and i had. I asked her if she had heard everything and she responded with an uneasy nod. I'm not surprised anymore. In fact, once my brother came home, I noticed he was staring at me with unease too. I was wondering if it was just b/c he nearly died... but i see now that he was thinking about me and the things he's heard.
I did remember telling my mom once as child but she shunned me on the topic.
For today, I am at peace since I am alone and content knowing that I am able to provide and be there for my father. Regardless of if he knows, I just want him to retire and live peacefully. Like many of us, our fathers have faced the worst to give us the most of what they can....
Thank you for your honesty. I am able to move forward each day the more I learn from others.
Back to my point, i noticed my sister in law acknowledged the fights my sister and i had. I asked her if she had heard everything and she responded with an uneasy nod. I'm not surprised anymore. In fact, once my brother came home, I noticed he was staring at me with unease too. I was wondering if it was just b/c he nearly died... but i see now that he was thinking about me and the things he's heard.
I did remember telling my mom once as child but she shunned me on the topic.
For today, I am at peace since I am alone and content knowing that I am able to provide and be there for my father. Regardless of if he knows, I just want him to retire and live peacefully. Like many of us, our fathers have faced the worst to give us the most of what they can....
Thank you for your honesty. I am able to move forward each day the more I learn from others.
Report This| Share this:I had enough. .... right?I discovered that all my siblings now know forsure. How did I find out? I mentioned my broken relationship w/ my sister to my sister-in-law. My other brother (the non-abuser) nearly drowned this past week... I found out b/c i was stopping by to prep dinner while we waited for my brother to return home. Stupid brother, this one has a tendency to think he's invincible against nature the day the boat flipped over. He wasn't wearing his life jacket.<br /><br />Back to my point, i noticed my sister in law acknowledged the fights my sister and i had. I asked her if she had heard everything and she responded with an uneasy nod. I'm not surprised anymore. In fact, once my brother came home, I noticed he was staring at me with unease too. I was wondering if it was just b/c he nearly died... but i see now that he was thinking about me and the things he's heard. <br /><br />I did remember telling my mom once as child but she shunned me on the topic. <br /><br />For today, I am at peace since I am alone and content knowing that I am able to provide and be there for my father. Regardless of if he knows, I just want him to retire and live peacefully. Like many of us, our fathers have faced the worst to give us the most of what they can.... <br /><br />Thank you for your honesty. I am able to move forward each day the more I learn from others.
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