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Changing the target
marysings posted:
I started writing an eBook about my life. At the same time Dr.B and I are working through "Breaking Free, A Recovery Workbork for Facing Codependence".

It was too much. I was sliding again into the pit and I realized that I had too much on my agenda. So I set my autobiography aside to concentrate on the workbook.

Has anyone else been through the book? I'm kind of stuck on page 34.

I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
I haven't been through that particular book so can't help you there but I'm glad you made a good decision for yourself. Getting more of your healing behind you before tackling the autobiography is a good idea. (((hugs)))
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
marysings responded:
I am sliding into depression again. I called Dr.B four times since Tuesday. Today when he called back, he set an appointment for next week.

I am a failure because I can't write my book and stay in therapy every other week. We'll go back to therapy once a week again, I'm sure.

I am a failure because I call Dr.B when I feel I don't have any other options and then he reminds me to use my DBT skills or go to the Resources.

I'm fat, ugly, stupid, and worthless. It's a shame that I am still living.

I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Anon_22496 replied to marysings's response:
You are a success because you know your limitations, and put the skills you've learned to good use and set boundaries for what you do and don't feel capable doing.

You are a success because when you need help from Dr. B, you seek it and are unafraid to. You are a success because you've chosen a competent professional to be on your team, and he has the knowledge to remind you of what to do to make your pain ease.

You are a success because you come here, where you have helped countless others over the years, and contribute to a community in both success and failure. A relationship isn't real if it's only based on "I'm doing well, everything's fine". You are brave enough and sincere enough to seek help from your community when you are wounded.

Fat, ugly, stupid and worthless are all just how you feel. Fat, ugly, stupid and worthless are all words that have no real "meaning", one persons fat is another persons skinny, one persons ugly is another persons gorgeous, someone can be smart about some things and not about others, and worthless depends on what you're looking for to BE full of worth.

YOU, in my eyes, are not fat, ugly, stupid or worthless. You are a brave, strong, elegant woman with a lovely smile and a lot to be proud of. It's OK to feel how you feel, and I'd never say not to feel a certain way, but you are absolutely not worthless at all. Think of all the people you've helped just through this website. You've helped ease other victims burdens.

I'm sorry if you feel it's a shame that you're living, but to a lot of people, I know it's a huge joy to have you in their lives. Be gentle with yourself, show yourself the mercy you show other people. Be as tender with Mary as you are with other posters.

You can beat this depression, just as you've done before. And if it comes back, you'll have one more time to remember that you've beat it, and learned new coping skills. Your depression offers you a new opportunity every time to re-learn your coping skills, and pay special attention to yourself and your well-being. You're doing the right thing to reach out to us, and to Dr. B. You can do this, Mary.
marysings replied to Anon_22496's response:

Thank you so much for the reminders of why I come here, why I see Dr.B, why my family puts up with me.

I think I'll print your post and put on the refrigerator so I can look at when I'm at a low point.

Thank you again,
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.

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