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i should feel excited, but instead feel nervous
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melisfit posted:
Nathan surprised me when he got home from work last night. He arranged for us to go away for a long weekend to Washington DC. I'm excited because I've wanted to go to the Smithsonian, and because Nathan and I always fun when we're out together. He made arrangements for us to fly out tommorrow afternoon and he got a suite at a really fancy looking hotel. It all sounds so amazing and wonderful and fun. but I'm so nervous that he's going to have expectations for us and that I'll let him down again. We have been working toward being physically intimate, but I'm still terrified to go all the way. Now that I've seen him undressed, I just can't imagine how it could work between us. I keep being told that his size won't matter, but if it was so painful with Daddy how can not be even more painful with Nathan. He's so much larger. I don't want to let him down again. Does anyone have suggestions for alleviating anxiety quickly? I really want to be a wife to him in everyway. thanks for listening and for any advice. mellie
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lovely_lemon_tree responded:
Wow, Mellie, first of all, let me say I'm envious of your vacation plans!! I love DC.

As for relaxation quickly? I hesitate to say this because it's a horrendous thing to rely on, but alcohol will do it. Have a couple sips of wine if you don't drink often. That was all I needed last night to loosen up some mightily sore muscles.

How about a mutual massage? It's a way to be intimate with each other, to touch each other, to become more and more familiar with each other's bodies. Massage oil, candles, soft music in the background? There is scientific research out there that proves firelight, no matter how strong, creates a mesmerizing, relaxing effect in humans. I can well imagine that; I think that's why so many of us can relate to loving our candles.

Honey, most of all, realize that you don't have to compromise yourself to be a wife to Nathan. He has stood by you in an incredible way. When you're ready, he'll be there. And someday, I know that when he is ready, you will be ready too.
 
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melisfit replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
Thanks LLT. Maybe he'll let me try wine with dinner if I tell him why. I really don't want to let him down again, he's been so patient. I really appreciate your thoughtful words and advice. And I really can't wait to see the space shuttle and the natural history museum! Thanks again. mellie
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to melisfit's response:
[TRIGGER] Also, it may help to understand something else about intercourse.... when it's unwanted, our bodies aren't ready for it and so it can often hurt. However, when it's something you want, when you are aroused, there are physical changes that occur within a woman's body (lubrication and expansion) that make it all work just fine.

Take your time and just enjoy being intimate with each other, whether you two get to the point of intercourse or not.

You have a say in how this goes too.

P.S. I'm also envious of your trip!
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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lovely_lemon_tree replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
Enjoy the Smithsonian! There are so many thing that are just awesome -- and I mean it in the way that it's spelled -- full of awe! There were some things I couldn't get my mind off of for weeks after the trip. And I think that the US is so lucky to have that kind of a museum for everyone!
 
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melisfit replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
LLT, you're right the Smithsonian is Awesome! We were going to take the White House tour also, but didn't get to it. There was just so much to see at the museum. We spent everyday there and we learned so many things. My sweet Nathan made the whole trip better by telling me before we left that he knows I'm not ready yet and that he didn't want me to be worried that he was going to want to make love. That was so great to hear, all my nervousness went away and I was just able to enjoy. We're just going to continue working on the exercises our counselor has been giving us, and Nathan wants to aim for getting to the finish line by our big vacation in September. I am so blessed to have him in my life. I know it hasn't been easy for him. Since everyone found out, I know his older brothers have been teasing him about being the only one married and the only one still a virgin.
 
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lovely_lemon_tree replied to melisfit's response:
I'm so glad you had a great time -- in every sense!!

Remember, though, that if you're not ready in September, you're not ready. You're working on your timetable. Nathan's not going to push you. You have a gem of a man there, Mellie.
 
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melisfit replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
thank you LLT.


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