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What should I do now that I know my mother was sexually abused when she was a child?
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An_244250 posted:
[TRIGGER] I'm 22 and my mother is in her early 60s. It wasn't until a few weeks ago that she started to suddenly start telling me about certain experiences in her past that I was unaware until now. I've known throughout my life that she was in a physically abusive marriage decades before she met my dad and had me. I didn't know that she was sexually abused by her father as a child and that first marriage also included sexual abuse. I'm not sure why she's telling me this all now or how I should react. Any thoughts to why she might mention this now out of the blue? Any advice on what to say/do would be appreciated.

Additionally I should mention when I was 16 years old I was drugged, held captive and raped by my then "boyfriend". When I finally told my parents (in a crying/screaming fit of teenage anger) my father completely blamed my mom saying it was her fault for letting me go to my high school's prom. I know it wasn't her fault and at the time I didn't know what she had experienced as a child. Looking back I regret ever telling them because I feel it hurt her more than I could have ever known when my dad blamed her.
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marysings responded:
When our parents are hurting, it hurts us. Love your mother and do NOT in any way that you question the validity of her memories.

It might be good for her to see a therapist or psychologist. Whoever you choose, make sure they have training in sexual abuse.

Let her talk about it as much as you can. Don't ever doubt her past - at her age it most likely still hurts as much as if it were happening right now.

I hope your mother gets some help if you decide it would be best for her.

Sad for you and your mother,
Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.


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