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We can endure
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arthurian posted:
My story has many adult encounters from my past and now this has become difficult to surrender my feelings I'll have to stop...too disturbing!!!!
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marysings responded:
I'm glad that you recognised you would be "in trouble" if you wrote your story.

I want you to know that you can write when you are more comfortable. Or, you may never want to share and that would be all right, too.

All the best,
Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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slik_kitty responded:
you don't have to share your story. sometimes it's enough to just be with people who have had similar experiences and understand what you are going through. welcome to the board.
 
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arthurian replied to slik_kitty's response:
[TRIGGER] I am shaking and can't type...My bath time used to be oral sex time with my mothers hired maid she used to say can I feel you do this again against her breasts. And after I was put to sleep and mother came home I was awoken to a hand job. Does a lonely person do things like this? I was not responsible for my own erection. I was't even able to ejaculate. Sorry I am not able...
 
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slik_kitty replied to arthurian's response:
no you are not responsible for your body's reaction. that is not something you can control. none of what was happening to you was in your control.
 
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arthurian replied to slik_kitty's response:
This controlled me. I felt that the encounter was to tickle me but now I know it was sexually motivated and my own mother did not stop it. I know I have since found that my father was also involved as an exhibitionist and my mother did nothing. I am now looking for any help please can I find your enduring forgiveness in this community. I have just been through too much... it continues into junior high.. I can only last until exhausted.....
 
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slik_kitty replied to arthurian's response:
you don't need forgiveness for anything. nothing of what happened to you was your fault. we are here and you can lean on us. we know what it's like and will help you the best we can.

how old are you? you say "it continues into junior high." is this still ongoing?
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to arthurian's response:
And have you talked with a therapist about this and how it continues to impact your life now?
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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arthurian replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
I have been to therapy for many years. Now I am at the age when I can share this with a community such as yours and I feel that this support is genuine. I lived a very lonely live with my trauma and confusion to my sexual feelings. My difficulty with the first post was when I just couldn't put to words my experiences. My mental state is better after hearing your responses. I cannot thank you enough...
 
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arthurian replied to slik_kitty's response:
I was also abused by a teacher in my junior and senior high school and I felt the experience just continued my earlier abuse and thought that showing your manhood was a way to be a lover. I never feared the unprotected sex or pregnancy. But these puberty experiences have formed my existing relationships. I have tried. My therapist experience found I was talking and not very well heard. I am a little older and a little wiser but still feel that abuse ruled my psyche with getting along with life. I place blame in too many places along with me and myself for not stopping the encounters. Now I feel this board is comfort.
 
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff replied to arthurian's response:
Thank you for trusting us, Arthurian. I know it all can be confusing and very difficult to sort out. It sounds like you're getting there.
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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melisfit replied to arthurian's response:
Anthurian,
I'm so sorry you need to be, but am glad you found this site. Everyone on here is so kind and caring, What happened to you was not your fault. I know how it feels to run through the events in your head over and over and keep coming up with a list of all the things you did wrong that either caused the situation or failed to stop it. But it was never your fault. mellie
 
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arthurian replied to melisfit's response:
If tears were a keyboard button I could sure use it. All of your thoughts have been an inspiration to me. I have now a place to lift me up and breath....
 
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arthurian replied to melisfit's response:
I was feeling uplifted and comforted until recently...my younger brother died. I am so sad. Now my family grieving and the conversations about our sorrows has my emotions intertwined. The very people that abused me are now looking for my sadness. Were my family members aware of mothers abuse and now one story from my brother has been swept away. When can an abused family member ever reveal lifelong grief in the midst of experiencing the heartfelt loss of a family member. So long to places that I lost all senses Now I must face the very person I was when this all happened to me, again....
 
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slik_kitty replied to arthurian's response:
so sorry for your loss. that is so sad. hugs if ok


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