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Need to vent regarding friends who just don't understand
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tnmist posted:
I have had to add yet another friend, a dear friend, to my let's-just-keep-conversations-superficial list because of her lack of understanding of recovery and healing and that it takes time, etc. Working through flashbacks isn't dwelling on the past!!

I have been depressed all my life, except now I KNOW why and am working through LOT of garbage and repressed memories and feelings, but she thinks I'm just wallowing in it all. Also, as I have mentioned before, I changed both my first and last names this year, and her comeback was that if I have a new name I should be a new person and let go of the old and be different. That's all great in theory, but these flashbacks I've been having all year now sort of derailed me a bit. I'm still dealing with depression, but it really is different than what I have been struggling with up until now.

I just know that the flashbacks really are progress and not "dwelling on the past," but her comments still stung because she was a trusted friend. I'm realizing more and more how careful I need to be when someone asks me how I'm doing because I need to protect my own emotional health. That means most people will only get a "fine" from me from now on. I have 3 close friends who are a wonderful support to me, and I have my therapist. Everyone else I think I have to keep at arm's length for now. Sigh.

Can you relate??

Thank you for listening out there.
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Caprice_WebMD_Staff responded:
Well, wouldn't it be nice if we could wave a magic wand and have the healing done in one fell swoop? But it doesn't work that way, it IS a process, and anyone who isn't in your shoes can't really understand. They can care, but not often understand.

I have many relationships with people where I keep things superficial or discussing things outside myself - news, politics, movies, books, etc. And that's okay because I have support otherwise.

It's wonderful that you have three close friends who are such great support to you!
You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think.
~Christopher Robin to Pooh
 
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tnmist replied to Caprice_WebMD_Staff's response:
LOL. Yes, I've asked my therapist more than once where his magic wand was, and he did confirm that he didn't have one.

I am taking another 3-day weekend. On Saturday I'm disconnecting from the world and even unplugging my phone. Just me, my inner child, pets, and God. I find I am needing more of that sort of time in order to cope with the rest of the week. I'm not much of a people person anyway, and all this garbage just makes it 1,000 times harder to be around people.
 
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wallflower responded:
I can relate to the flashbacks. I haven't had them in years! All of a sudden they are flooding in. I know the trigger, a family friend was arrested for child molestation and boom identifying with the victim triggered it. I told a few people and they just don't get it.
They just want to hide in a hole and forget about it. It's too ugly to talk about. Not that I want to talk about it. Sometimes I feel like I am going to explode! Some days you wake up with a dark cloud following you and others the cloud is gone. Wish I knew how to control the cloud! The dreaded question "how are you today" people really don't want the true answer to that question.
Trust the people you know, and even then they will let us down. everyone is human. Oh and flashbacks are not a choice they just happen!
 
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tnmist replied to wallflower's response:
Very true, indeed. I'm sorry you are having them again!


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