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fighting the demons
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marysings posted:
I am so tired of changing meds and having to wait a few months to determine if is working. It is beyond my understanding why psych meds work like that.

I don't care about anything anymore. I really don't care at all. Live, die - it doesn't matter.

I hate myself. I'm going to take a nap. I hope it helps my mood.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
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tnmist responded:
Dear Mary....and, you are dear, too, because I have appreciated your replies to me and to others here. May the demons of self-hate take a hike because you are a a child of God, and you belong to Him.

I've dealt with depression in one form or another my entire life ("major recurrent depression"), and I know it gets old. It just plain stinks. I won't tell you, "I know just how you feel," because, quite frankly, I don't. No one knows exactly how we feel, but I can tell you I care. I care because you are here, and we share at least some similar background or we wouldn't be on this board together.

I guess I really just want to remind you to be gentle with yourself. You have been through a LOT in your life. I hope you can smile again soon. {{gentle hugs}}

-Misty
 
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marysings replied to tnmist's response:
Thank you, Misty. My younger son has exploaded because the package I sent didn't meet his expectations. He now has his new bride upset with me.

I can't win. No matter what I say or do he takes it wrong. It's all been okay with him since he has stopped drinking. I told him in an email that next year I'll send a box of things and let him wrap them.

I don't win, I get told over and over what a looser I am, and I am totally disgusted. I'll let his dad take over the emails.

I am severly depressed and also have Borderline Personality. My life is a mess anyway.
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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tnmist replied to marysings's response:
That's part of the reason I usually can't wait for this season to be over with - the expectations, family relationship disappointments, etc. Who needs that stress? Personally, when someone isn't grateful for a gift I have taken the time to pick out, purchase (or make myself), wrap, and mail, then I tend to not bother with gifts the next year. I know that is easier said than done when it comes to family. Many times it really is the thought that counts, and people tend to forget that. Or, perhaps I just send a gift card (kinda like, "You know what, hey, go buy your own present and wrap it yourself, then you will sure to be pleased.")

I'm sorry that you have family members causing you more stress and grief rather than being a source of encouragement and support. For me, that's one of the hardest things about all this SA history stuff. The very people I wish could be my biggest source of comfort cannot be.

I wish for you a quiet and comforting Christmas Day. {{Gentle hugs sent your way}}

-Misty


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