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az330 posted:
TRIGGERED!!! TRIGGERED!!!! TRIGGERED!!!!

IM SO ANGRY AND FRUSTRATED!!!! I JUST WANT TO YELL,SCREAM AND CRY. I HAVE NO OUTLET RIGHT NOW.

Im so depressed. No relief in sight....
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tnmist responded:
Slow, deep breaths, AZ. {{{gentle hugs, if okay}}} If you can and want to, tell us what's going on. What can we do to help? You are not alone. We are right here with you...listening and caring. My heart goes out to you. Gentle, nourishing, encouraging, healing thoughts sent your way.

-Misty
 
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slik_kitty responded:
hugs az. hope you are feeling better today.
 
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az330 responded:
I wish I were feeling better today. I feel like my soul is exposed. Left out in the open for anyone to hurt me-vunerable.
Yesterday I was triggered. It goes back to my family. maybe lack there of. Still dealing and trying to let go of the thought of never really having one. Ive never felt love. I really cannot stand to hear or see anyone with a "normal" family.
Yesterday I decided to do something good for myself. I needed to get out of the house even if it was for a small time. I went to starbucks got me a tea and I went and sat in the park for a bit. I guess I was just trying to clear my head. I saw a loving family 3 kids and a mom and a dad they were what I always wanted. just seeing them brought some memories of my mom hurting me and I cannot deal with these right. I have been stuffing things deep down and focusing on my crummy health. I really really hate my life. I feel like dying sometimes...
 
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tnmist replied to az330's response:
I'm sorry that made you feel worse. Here, you just wanted to get some air and take care of yourself, and wham-o. I do understand those types of feelings. {{gentle hugs}} It's easy to feel that others have it so much better sometimes when the pain we carry is raw. Can you share with us some positives in your life right now? Anything at all? Little to big? Just a thought.

For myself, some days I'm doing good just to shower and take care of my pets, but I am grateful for my pets.Then I remember that I had hot water for a shower, and what a nice commodity that is really. You know. Just anything to change my focus.

I hope you get a good night's rest tonight take care of you and your inner child.

-Misty
 
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bluerose90 responded:
Hey AZ,

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. (((hugs if okay)))

I think Misty made a good point about looking to find good things to think about. Sometimes it's hard to do. We're here to listen to you if/when you need to vent. I'm always willing to listen.

I hope you have a better time today AZ. Take care of yourself and try to get some rest. Is there anything you can do at home that makes you feel relaxed or safe? Personally I like to wrap myself up in a blanket with a cup of hot tea/cocoa and watch a good movie or play with my rabbit. He gets a little ornery sometimes but he always makes me smile.

Get some rest and take care of yourself.

Rose
 
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az330 replied to tnmist's response:
I am really trying to be positive. Its hard when you physically feel crummy. You are right my pain is very raw right now and I am just trying to breathe. I catch myself sighing quite often. Its the only thing to keep the pressure I feel in my chest from overwhelming me.

Positives in my life right now???? hmmm....
Im thankful I for not feeling nauseaous today.
My animals even though they are driving me crazy today.

Im really sad today. Im dying on the inside. It hurts.
 
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tnmist replied to az330's response:
If you have the energy, I would love to hear more about your pets. I love pets. I have a cat and a dog, although I admit I'm partial to dogs. My cat caught a mouse a couple of months ago (aaack!), so I decided he is worth keeping!

So glad you aren't nauseous today! I just had a severe - but short - stomach bug (food poisoning?) hit me Saturday night, and wow, am I glad that came and went quickly. Nausea is awful.

We are listening, AZ. I know you are going through quite a lot these days. It won't always be this way.

To Rose - Love the blanket and cocoa idea with a movie. I may do that tonight as it's been a rough day.

-Misty
 
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az330 replied to tnmist's response:
BlueRose, MIsty-

Im feeling bad today. I want to cry so bad but they will not come out. My heart hurts and I am trying to work thru it all.

I have a dog and cat...they drive me crazy some days. Other days they just want to cuddle with me.They always know when I am not feeling well. Wrapping a blanket around me I do that quite often. My coping mechanisms are not the best right now. I do not know how to self soothe I dont know.... Nevermind....AAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!! I am in hell...
 
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tnmist replied to az330's response:
Awww, I'm so sorry, truly I am. Wish DD was available to give you some wiser words of wisdom.

I cannot remember if you are Christian, but I offer you this: Close your eyes and picture yourself snuggled in God's lap, with is protective arms around you, His healing power encircling you, and whispering some soothing words, "It's okay. I feel your turmoil, too. I know you don't know the future or how this will all come about, but I do, and so please just rest here for now safe in my arms. I know you may have a lot to work through yet, physically and emotionally, and the journey may be painful, but it won't always feel this bad."

Are you needing some grounding: This is 2013. You are grown up now. The monsters from your past are not hurting you now. What color is the room you are in? What do your pets' fur feel like? Can you make something soothing for yourself?

Be gentle with yourself, AZ. I wish I could be there to help with housework or preparing a meal or anything. I am here, though, and still listening. (Most probably others are, too, even if they cannot reply right now.) I know the community is larger than what we sometimes see on the immediate screen.

If there is anything I can do for you, just pipe up and I will do my best. Would love one of DD's stories about now (She has been quiet lately, so I'm a bit concerned for her as well.)

{{{AZ}}}

-Misty
 
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bluerose90 replied to az330's response:
Hey AZ,

I'm sorry that you're going through all of this, but just remember you're not alone. We're here to listen and help you as much as we can. (((gentle hugs)))

I know what it's like, not knowing how to make yourself feel better, not knowing what to do. I'm sure that at at least one point all of us have felt like that. It is kind of cliche but try to work through it just one day at a time. Be gentle and kind to yourself. Vent to us as much as you want on here. I'm always happy to listen.

Rose
 
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tnmist replied to tnmist's response:
ooopsy, correction: I see DD was on the board yesterday replying to someone else.

Yes, agree with Rose. Not to sound cliche, but one day, one hour at a time sometimes. If someone here has other good ways to self-soothe, I would like to hear them, too!
 
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DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to az330's response:
Az do you know the SA board has a pink blanket? We wrap up hurting members and tuck them. Many cyber hands have woven the fuzzy pink blanket.

.*wraps it around you like a shawl*

Its just perfect for drying tears, or using as a superman cape. (also great for hiding under to avoid monsters and or people flaunting their happiness in your face)

(((((((((((((((((((I hear you - I see you))))))))))))))))))))))))
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
 
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tnmist replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
LOVE THE PINK BLANKET IDEA! Oh, that is so awesome. Didn't know about it. Love it, love it.

-Misty
 
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az330 responded:
Thank you for the blanket...I needed it. I want it to protect me. I want to hide under it. Let it shield me from the hurt and pain of the cruel world. I want to numb the pain so so bad. I am having bad urges. I need a drink. I need to numb this overwhelming physical and mental pain. I have remained sober for almost 2 years. Relapse....its a possibility I am not strong enough to resist anymore...I need help.

AZ


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