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advice getting started with dealing and healing from childhood sexual abuse
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An_250316 posted:
Hi, this is the first time that I am writing on this (or any) site. I don't really know how this works. I am 31 and I am just starting to dealve into my childhood sexual abuse. I see it holding me back in so many ways and I don't want to let such a horrible thing that was done to me to control the rest of my life. I really want a good life and while my life isn't awful now I want more and really deserve more. I am so scared. I really wanted to hear from others what they have done to recover or the steps that you have taken. Please help!
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bluerose90 responded:
Hey. Welcome to the board but I'm so sorry that you have a need to be here. I'm still figureing out how to deal with everything myself so I'm afraid that I may not be able to offer you much helpful advice. I will say though that starting to talk about what happened to you as a child, letting it out, helps a lot. Whether you do that here, talking to a friend or counselor, or journaling. Honestly, I think that is something that's helped me more than anything else. If there are certian things that are more difficult for you to deal with than others we might be able to give you specific suggestions for what may help.

We're all still working on recovering and coping with the abuse we've endured, having good days and bad, but I think you'll find that we're a good group of people here. It can get quiet here so don't worry if you don't get a quick reply to anything you post.
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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bluerose90 replied to bluerose90's response:
(I pushed the wrong button and posted before I was finished... oops. lol )

There are a lot of ups and downs that come with dealing with trauma's like these so please feel free to vent here as much as you need too. (I've been venting on here a lot lately.) Even if I may not be able to give you much advice I'm always willing to listen.

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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tnmist responded:
Yes, welcome. I, too, am still doing a lot of figuring out about things. Have you thought about working with a counselor/therapist? Unloading this stuff out of your head and life is anything but a straight path, and, frankly, I would be in a much bigger mess than I am now without a therapist.

I came here about last August and have discovered a caring group of folks here, and it helps to vent and know that others really understand. I've tried opening up to a few people I thought were good friends in my life, and then I realized it wasn't such a good idea after all. I do have a couple of close friends who get it because they have a history themselves, but those other friends, well, I have had to move them to an outer circle, and that hurt.

Rose is right, in that the board can get a little quiet. We all have our ups and downs, and I also encourage you not to be disheartened if it takes awhile for some of us to reply.

May this journey bring you peace and take you to a better place in your life. This is a good place to vent, cheer, cry, and be understood.

-Misty
 
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tnmist replied to tnmist's response:
Oh, as for steps I have taken, one is to have a therapist I trust and has experience helping people with this stuff. I sometimes journal, I experiment with different types of art to get the flashbacks and things out of my head, but for me it's mostly to get out feelings. And I listen to my inner child. I am learning to sometimes parent myself the way I wish I had been parented. I'm middled-aged and I find a lot of comfort in coloring. Go figure. A couple of my closest friends understand that and will sit and color with me sometimes. I vent here on the board, too, and it also helps to try to encourage others who need to vent, even if it's "just" a {{gentle hug}} or just being here to listen. Actually, I think mostly we all appreciate that others hear us and are willing to listen.

-Misty
 
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ellybelly replied to bluerose90's response:
Thanks Rose...I am just frustrated because I want to talk about it but the therapists that I am working with right now, I don't feel comfortable talking about it with. I'm in a search for a new therapist but it's a slow process. Do you know if there are support groups that meet. Like AA but for sexual abuse?

eb
 
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ellybelly replied to tnmist's response:
Thanks Misty. That is so funny, becuase I have felt like a weirdo bc I color too. I do a lot of different art. I have been working with art for most of my life. But, some times....I just want to color kids coloring books.
 
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bluerose90 replied to ellybelly's response:
Hey Elly, I know what you mean about finding the right therapist. It took me a long time to find the right counselor because it's such a difficult thing to talk about. There usually are support groups for sexual abuse. You might try to locate your local rape crisis center and call or check their website (if they have one). If they have one they should be able to give you the information about it.

You know I hadn't thought about it much before because I'm always weird but I like coloring books too. Lol

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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rugger1369 replied to bluerose90's response:
Hi, I have never posted here. i was referred here from another group on webmd. and i just wanted to say that i love coloring too! i enjoy other mediums, but sometimes you just want to use the colors...
 
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bluerose90 replied to rugger1369's response:
Hi Rugger, welcome to the board, but I'm sorry for your need to be here.

I'm trying to teach myself to draw. They say practice makes perfect you know. It seems to take my mind off things and help me relax some. I must say though, I do love coloring books.

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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marysings responded:
An_250316, I'm very glad to offer you some advice. I hope you will understand that I am speaking from my heart.

First thing to do - call psychologists (therapists) in your area and make an appointment. Be sure that you emphasize that you need someone who works on trauma/childhood abuse and uses EMDR. (you can get information about EMDR on the internet) DO NOT share your abuse with friends. It's out of their understanding. Also, too often your friends don't have the patience because it's going to take a lot of therapy.

Second thing - Ask the psychologist if they can recommend a psychiatrist (a medical doctor with specific training in medications to keep you stable). I have severe depression and will be on meds for probably the rest of my lifetime.

Third - Don't take advice from friends. All they want is for you to get better. Many times they can come up with all kinds of advice for recovery. Leave that information and let your therapist do his job.

Fourth - Remember that you need to be comfortable with your therapist. He/she is your employee. You have hired him/her to help you. If you aren't sure you can work with that therapist, go to someone else.

My story of recovery began Dec 28, 2002. My husband saved me from the begining. He took care of working things out with my employer (who was cooperative in the beginning). Since this happened on the weekend, he called a doctor who lives here and he started me on paxil. I counseled with my pastor for 3 months and then he suggested I needed someone with more training. Since it was important to me to counsel with a Christian our pastor suggested Dr.B. I drive to his office every other week for therapy. My psychiatrist (we use 'pdoc' on here) has an office very close to Dr.B's office. I've been with Dr.B for ten years. Sometimes all I could do was cry and he would encourage me to get into to it and scream, cry, and yell.

I struggle with self harm and very low self-esteem. Dr.B and I are working through a book that will teach me to do self-help instead of calling for help when I feel bad. It's going to be a long road because I haven't really put my head into it. But I know he is right.

He told me in the beginning that his job was to work himself out of a job. We laughed then. Now that it's a different level of therapy, I am hesitating. I rely on him too much when I could be using my skills and taking care of myself.

I hope this is helpful for you. If you have more questions, post on here and I'll try to provide you with answers. I'm going out of town for a funeral. Leaving tomorrow morning at 8am and will return late Sunday evening.

Mary
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
 
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tnmist replied to marysings's response:
Hi, Mary. You have some wonderful advice here! I agree with every point! I learned the hard way not to confide in friends or let their "advice" discourage you because they just don't get it and expect things to be all better in a short amount of time. It just doesn't work that way.

I have had severe depression for many, many years, and only just last year started getting the flashbacks (FBs), so, in a way, I feel like I'm starting over, but as I have learned, the timing is right because I'm middle-aged, I'm living in a safe place on my own, etc., things were relatively calm in my life, and my mind decided I could start processing the core of things.

And elly, it took me awhile to find the right psychologist, too. Please don't get discouraged if takes time to find the right one. Mary, it was important for me to find a Christian psychologist, too, with whom I still work.

To Rugger: Welcome to the group. I'm glad you like coloring, too. Something about Crayola, ha.

Mary, I'm sorry you need to attend a funeral tomorrow. Take care of you.

-Misty
 
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ellybelly replied to tnmist's response:
Hi Misty,

I'm actually super frustrated bc I have been working with the same therapists for 7 years and still havent talked too much about it. For the last few years I have not felt like I can talk to them about any thing. When I started working with them I was dealing with other things like the death of my mom and sister and my alcohol and drug use. I am now 6 years sober and feel mostly at peace with my mom and sisters death. But....now I have changed and grown and the way they treat isnt working for me. I am having a hard time finding a new treater. I really want to work with a therapist who is a sexual abuse counsolar. Any way...I REALLY need some one and I have been so much more aware of what my childhood abuse is doing to me daily...like really bad.

Any way I am activly trying to find some one...

EB
 
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ellybelly replied to bluerose90's response:
Rose and Rugger, I have found that there is nothing better for me then doing art....

Rose, I taught my self to scetch by looking at pictures and trying to sketch. Like I looked through magazines and tried to sketch what I saw.

Also, needle point has been my savior

Elly
 
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ellybelly replied to marysings's response:
Mary,

Thanks.

While I don't do self harm, I do over eat. It's very embaressing to me. I also suffer from low self esteem.

I have a prn (an as-needed) anxiety med that I take when I can't take it any more. I am suprised that I am very cautious about taking it. It definitely helps me function. If a dr suggests for agrees with this I highly reccomend.

elly


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