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Lurkdom Shattered.
lovely_lemon_tree posted:
I've been hanging around here and honestly just waiting for the activity to pick up before I wandered around and said hello again. It's been a long time since I've been on this forum.

and I've managed to push away all the abuse and whatnot

until the anniversary days roll around and puke their guts up all over my psyche whether I want to forget it or not.

I had an anniversary day last week, told my DLS worker about why that was possibly a reason for the upswing I was experiencing in my depression. She said to me "And the sky didn't fall, did it?"

How can the sky fall when it is shattered all over again?
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
Been worried about you with all the anniversary's rolling around.

I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
bluerose90 responded:
Hey LLT,

It's good to hear from you but I'm sorry about the anniversary's that you been having...

((hugs if okay))

Where there is shadow, there is light.
lovely_lemon_tree replied to bluerose90's response:
And right now it's snowing like heck outside... and the winds will pick up and get the snow drifts blowing around because it's the light, fluffy stuff.

It feels a bit like what's going on in my head.

I called a rape crisis center tonight. It was for the exclusive reason to get me calmed down enough to handle the night on my own... and not go down the road that inevitably lands to hospitalization. I am calm enough to be writing here but not quite calm enough to go to bed.

I keep telling myself that I don't want to go out in the snow, I don't want to go out in the snow... I don't want to go out in the snow.

I don't know if I dare to read the words I wrote that chronicle the abuse that I went through... fear of the world falling out from underneath me. Fear of the padded room. Fear that anything short of the padded room would not be enough for me. I would probably tear the covering off the walls and then rip it up with my teeth.

Do I need to go to the hospital?

I know I'm the only one who can answer that, but I'm hoping the answer is no.

But it's becoming increasingly obvious that something different has to happen. It has to.

Because things can't remain the same.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
DOGDANCING_TCOS replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
LTT: I keep telling myself that I don't want to go out in the snow, I don't want to go out in the snow... I don't want to go out in the snow.

If you need to go out in the snow YOU GO OUT IN THE SNOW.

Call if you need it, and I pray you are not waiting deliberately so that first responders will be snowed in and not come when you need them.
I'm not really a psychopath, I just play one on the internet.
lovely_lemon_tree replied to DOGDANCING_TCOS's response:
Made it through the night.

One moment at a time.

I wondered about the wisdom of having a fit and staying up late versus going to bed at my regular time and avoiding the crisis. I wonder if I shouldn't just go to bed at the normal time and try to maintain a sense of normalcy.

I am going to distract myself today by cleaning up. I need to clean up my apartment. I probably won't do laundry just yet because with everyone snowed in, we're probably all doing the same things.
We must be the change we wish to see in the world. -- Mahatma Ghandi
az330 replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
I have missed you....Im sorry you have had a hard time lately. I have been worried about you. Try to be good to yourself.

tnmist replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
{{{Gentle hugs, if okay}}} Sorry for this rough patch, LLT.
bluerose90 replied to lovely_lemon_tree's response:
Hey LLT,

I hope you're feeling better now. Just keep taking things one step at a time. I always recommend a good cup of hot cocoa or hot tea to help relax.

(((hugs if okay)))

Where there is shadow, there is light.

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