I have many ups and downs, and this dark, rainy day here where I live is just getting the best of me. Just going to go curl up and hide for awhile. Feeling very young/little today. Things weighing on my soul today.
I wish I could visit the redwoods today. I always feel so at peace there. Its so surreal.... Same thing with the beach. I wish I had those around me. I live in the desert and sometimes I hate it....You are very lucky.
Misty I hope you are doing better today? Be gentle with yourself... ((((Misty))))
I've always wanted to go to see the redwood forest but I've never had the chance. I'm seen some beautiful pictures from the area though.
AZ, you live in the desert too? I do live next to the ocean but still it's all sand and desert here, a smattering of a few palm trees, and that's it. I grew up in farm land and I seriously miss the green. I'm fortunate to live near the ocean but it's tourist season here right now so the beaches are full of people. So I'd rather keep my distance for now.
Thank you for hugs and gentle ocean breezes and lofty redwood forest thoughts everyone. Just a quiet spell...I'm sure it will pass. I'm around. Just in lurk mode. Gentle hugs all around. Just a lot on my mind.
I'm so glad that my pink blanket can help many other hurting souls. I usually sleep with it laying next to my chest. It's been in my life since the 1950s. Anything/everything I ever had is gone. When I hold it up to the light, it's just barely hanging together. But it smells wonderful and is so, so, so very soft.
I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
Love the pink blanket idea, and thank you, AZ, for sharing. I hope you are feeling better. Mary, I don't think I've heard your pink blanket story. Would like to hear more sometime. I'm in listening/watching mode.
***********(trigger)****************** *************************************** Thank you, Rose....I'm nuts tonight. I had to attend a meeting, and I didn't realize exactly which part of the building it would be in, nor did I realize it would matter so much. I entered the room and wasn't there 10 minutes when I could feel myself panicking, getting all shaky, and crying. You see, it was the exact same type of room in which I was assaulted by a teenager in one of my recent flashbacks. I would explain better, but I don't want to be specific about where I was.
Fortunately, I was able to focus on a problem that distracted me from the reaction that was taking place, but I've been shaking all evening. Maybe a good cry when I go to bed will help.
I've never had this happen before. My meltdowns have always been private. And this room? It's in a building that is a regular part of my life. I refuse to run away from this, but I thought I was "done" with that flashback. I mean, it was part of my last session, and I thought I could wash my hands of it.
This, this, sideswiping me like this - this ain't cool!!
OH, I want to be DONE with this $%^^&*! stuff in my head. Just when I start to get my feet under me - boom! I get knocked down again. And what's the enemy?? My own mind. My own mind. I just, I just...I've had it. You know? I've just had it.
I'm tired of fighting the depression. I'm tired...I'm tired. Sometimes I get these "flashes" of doom, like this won't ever be different. This is it. I'm tired of trying to keep it together. I've just had it. :******(
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