Sexual Abuse Survivors Support Community

I was diagnosed with (DID) dissociative identity disorder (formally known as multiple personality disorder) in my twenties.

I am 47 now, and have retained the ability to life in a fractured state. I can integrate and be "one" but I find that too hard to function at 100% of the time. So most of the time we "sandwalk" (ie are co-conscious and walk/talk in single file to hide our numbers)

It does take a conscious effort to be at "center" because it it easier to life a little blurred out. And your concern about one day not coming back is a valid one.

There are many good techniques to ground ones self. Sometimes you have to schedule them in to your day to keep you on track. Or if you know you are going to do something that will spin you out, do the grounding work prior the event and then after too.

It gets easier with practice and the focus of wanting to be aware of it and working to redirect yourself. That is if you want to change/redirect this behavior.


While I used to dissociate say 8 rooms away from events. (ie event happening...I open door in my head and go into next room, which is the usually dissociation running room we all head into. but for some of us we keep going, open door, hide in room 2, etc till we get so far away from ourselves we get lost/can't find our way back)


I have over time locked the more distant rooms in my mind and now when spooked or choose too, only run 2-3 rooms away from center.


This was a conscious choice on my part to stay more in tuned to my life. (and to prevent the further fracturing into more alters)


I can list you some grounding techniques if you are interested.

Just want to add that there is a whole spectrum of dissociation, and where I'm at in that range and where DD is at are very different. Daydreaming could be a very mild form of dissociation - that's one end of the spectrum. I'm closer to that end, although having memories now of an entirely different childhood than what I knew up until now puts me further along that line towards DD's part of the spectrum. Not sure where I'm at exactly, but just wanted to throw out there that there is quite a range of dissociative behaviors out there.

-Misty

Honestly, dissociation is something that I've been meaning to look into so I can try to learn more about it. I'm more in line with Misty with dissociation I think. I tend to kind of go to a different place in my head... I'm not really sure I know how to put it. Like last night I was kind of daydreaming I guess when the doc was doing his work. I've been able to do that since as long as I can remember but I've never really understood how it works either.

I think I might just be rambling a little.

Rose

thanks, that would be great. i think over the years i have found ways of staying centered, by luck or mistake. i would appreciate any and all advice, technique, or tips on this.

am not sure either, i was raised by a person with DD until i was eight, i could see physical changes when she change. i don't think i display outward changes, i just change inside depending on what i am in counting. i live in a safe and healthy home for over 30 years, but still have a hard time going out, ( work, errands, family events, etc) i feel like i have to either continuing using my dd skills or completely with draw from the world. witch would hurt my family.

my be DT will have techniques that will help to understand it better, i know i have learned a lot from reading her and others post on this subject. i also know this disorder save my life and my sanity. out of all my LABLES this one at least has helped me not hurt me. PS. ramble on there is always good insight in rambling. thanks

Sorry for the delayed response, had a very bad downward cycle of my mental health due to my thyroid being under-medicated. Feeling better now.

Grounding techniques.

What works for me is to get into a routine. Initially I would start my day with a set of them. To orient me right off. Then as time passed I only needed to do them when necessary. Kinda like re-training my body/brain.

Grounding techniques can be triggering - use caution /a have a back up plan if you get triggered. There designed to keep you in the moment...the moment you are actively running from.

Can be done anywhere:

go to bathroom, hold wrists under cold running water. Deep slow breaths. Focus on the water. After a say 20 deep breaths place your wet hands around your neck and look into your eyes in the mirror. (this can be difficult if you never look yourself in the eyes, might take some practice)

Carry a anchor. It can be a polished rock, (I carry a piece of malachite) a small totem, chess piece, checker, toy, monopoly, etc. When your need to "stay put" pull it out and roll it about your hand/squeeze it/look at it and mentally repeat something like "Stay here, Stay put" (I use SIT UBOO...heehee it makes me laugh which has the extra benifit of calming me and helping me to see it okay and easing the tension that is making me want to run.)

SRH, WAYG?SH! = writing notes to your self on papers. I used this all through high school. When I felt my self drifting off, I would scrawl on the margins of my paper or cover of my note books...SRH (stay right here) WAYG?SH! (where are you going? stay here!) but most often found on my papers is this one....BYS....LOL (Behave your selfs)

At home:

Face off - stare yourself down. Till you stop looking through yourself and the inner chatter of (ew I am fat, old, wrinkly, pimply gross, etc) stops and you are simply left in silence to look at yourself. Then sup your face and say. Hello ____.

Do a morning round up. (can be very triggering) Before you get dressed, run your hand down each extremity and focus on the skin on skin. Verbally chatter while doing this, "morning arm, hello hand. Glad you are connected to me, nice to see you today". Do your whole body.

After a morning round up, do a battle cry. "Legs! arms! you too belly! We are off to start the day, TOO TALLO HETOOHEY!!!" or "FORWARD THE EGGS!", make up your own battle cry. Which can be used also as a verbal/mental reminder anywhere at anytime you feel yourself drifting off.

Living in the moment is difficult once you master the art of dissociation. It takes practice to not just automatically slip into that head space. Allow yourself time to learn, practice and find what helps you.

Peace be the journey.

thanks, some of this i was doing on a subconscious level, so it make since, i will definitely be able to practice these techniques. i in joy your humor, it helps me ( ME) so much.

I was just going to say that I've been doing a few similar things to your suggestions without realizing it. I've been carrying around an "anchor" for almost 2 yrs now. It's a smallish black river rock. I hold/squeeze/touch it when I feel stressed or if I get triggered. While I was talking to a counselor I was always squeezing it or rolling it around in my hand, I never put it down.

Rose