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Fuming mad ~TRIGGER~
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raerob posted:
TRIGGER (possibly)

OK, so I know I am powerless. I also know my past still effects me. As a Mom, Grandma, woman, I feel like I am over protective at times.

Today: My daughters, mother-in-laws boyfriend was coming to pick up my Grandaughter to spend the night. The Great Grandparents were supposed to be with the boyfriend ( mother-in-law is working until 4pm) Boyfriend calls and he was lost but close by and informs my daughter that he is alone because great grandparents had other plans. I asked my daughter please ....I'll babysit....just bring her over to her grandmas when she gets out of work. My daughter said she trusts the boyfriend. I am sick to my stomach that this man is alone with my grandaughter for the next 4-5 hours. Am I crazy???? I don't want to force my negative feelings or what has ever happened to me in the past BUT this is SAFETY when you don't know someone too well. WTF!!!! I am fuming mad and sick to my stomach. I can only pray and YES I know it's out of my hands. She is only my grandaughter. She is so precious.

I am SO ANGRY and upset. I understand I am not her Mom BUT I thought I taught my daughter to always think safety especially when you don't know someone to well. Yes her Mother-in-law and boyfriend have been together for almost 1 year now, they met online and besides that, I know my daughter and son-in-law don't know him all that well.
Am I that messed up for being angry and for letting this situation upset me.

I am so angry now I just want my daughter to move out, what I see bothers me, angrys me, worries me. I don't want to deal with it. It's the parents that tick me off.
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tnmist responded:
Not ignoring you, RR, just not sure how to reply. I'm listening, though. I have friends who won't let anyone babysit outside the immediate family because you just never know. I know it may not be "fair" to treat everyone as suspect, but we really just never know because it isn't like most predators LOOK like predators, right? So many predators appear like normal, law-abiding citizens.

On the other hand, to be worked up into a state of constant turmoil for situations you cannot control isn't healthy either. Yes, it's a precious granddaughter in your family, but in many ways your hands are tied. I don't see what else you can do outside of offering to babysit when possible, I suppose. I know you want to admonish your daughter to be careful, etc., but if your talks push her away from you, then that is not helping matters either. I don't know that to be the case; I'm just sayin'.

Anyway, that's my 2 cents' worth. Just wanted you to know I'm around, and I'm listening. (((hugs if okay)))

-Misty
 
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raerob replied to tnmist's response:
Thank you Misty.

I was venting. I am trying to be careful. I think by what I have expressed in my posts it probably appears I am crazy..... I assure you, I am not perhaps a little bit overloaded LOL YES. I am aware my hands are tied. My daughter & Son-in-law having been living with us for 6 years. During that time was blessed with my grandaughter, who has lived with us her first 3 years plus.

I have seen and heard probably too much. They should be moved out in 1-2 weeks. My husband and I, have mixed emotions. We are excited to have the privacy and our house back LOL We are worried about my daughter and my grandaughter. It's hard not too worry sometimes.
I do realize that by them moving out it will give us all that kind of seperation that we need.

O look forward to offering to babysit instead of everyday, everytime they want a cigg or a shower or go to the grocery store...pretty much you name it and they'll ask me to babysit. I say yes even when I do not want to BUT it's on me because I worry about my little pumpkin. I have to learn that it's ok to say NO.....BUT I think this is where maybe my past has something to do with it, I am just not sure. I worry that if they ask me to babysit and I say NO and if something happens....ugh I just ughhhhhhhhhhhh.
You see......I am powerless, and I know the reality of this. I am not in control. My fear is real and at times mild or more intense. I cannot save anyone or everyone. Even though i would want to protect....that's me though, ya see I truly do care. I am hypersensitive and safety conscience. My youngest daughter is too trusting with her daughter and it scares the heck right out of me. I am overloaded with a lot of things going on in my life and really trying to assess my own actions, feelings and behaviors. I am truly trying

BTW thanks for the hug and thanks for being around and listening.

Robin ~Hugs~ right back at ya!!
 
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bluerose90 replied to raerob's response:
Hey Robin,

I'm sorry that I didn't reply before now. I was listening but I wasn't sure what to say. I don't have any children or nieces/nephews myself, but I do have several close friends who have children (they are family to me) and I've always done the best I could to look out for them and protect them as best I could. I didn't understand why until not long ago but when I was with them I was always extremely alert to what was going on around us, especially in public places, always scared to death that something would happen to them. I know it's not the same as your situation at all, but I definitely do understand why you feel the way you do. I was always the go-to babysitter myself. LOL

I don't think you're crazy at all. I think you're protective of you're family and rightfully so. For those of us that have a past of abuse it's difficult not to fear for the safety of those we love, especially young ones, and be hyper alert. I wish I had something more that I could say that might help, but I'm afraid that I'm not much help in this situation because I tend to be the same way. But as you said, things like this are out of your hands. Do what you can and pray for the best.

(((Hugs)))

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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raerob replied to bluerose90's response:
Hi Rose and thank you

I was always and am "The go-to-babysitter" I have trouble saying no but am going to try to practice it if needed

I have a great relationship with my daughter yet sometimes it's like "DUH".....just not thinking with her noggin at times......She is a great Mom, I am very proud of her, so very proud of her. The day this happened, I tried really hard not to let it bother me but it did. After a few hours, I called my daughter and asked her to atleast call and check up on her. I had to get the numbers for her and she called. I felt a bit better after that. My daughter understood where I was coming from. I expressed to her that parents need a break too but don't ever put a child in a position to benifit your own personal needs, always think of her safety......... I don't think that was bad to say....kind of putting it out there for her to think of....hopefully.

Have a great day
Robin


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