My area is under a "wind advisory" for about the next 24 hours. I was out in it tonight, and it's something. Not like way north with blizzards, but it is significant wind. It is both comforting and anxiety-causing at the same time. Comforting because it matches my insides - swirling all around and unsettled. But it makes it harder to relax, too, knowing the weather is a little nuts tonight.
At one point, when I was out tonight, it reminded me of a time when I stood on a beach with the wind whipping around me and struggling with the temptation to just walk into the ocean. Well, there is no ocean near me now, but the swirling thoughts rise up anyway.
I'm a bit too practical to do something that will land me in a psych ward because I want to keep my current job for now and I have 2 pets dependent on me. Still, those nagging thoughts rise up, especially on a blustery night like tonight...and a full moon this week, too.
Maybe I should go howl at the moon. Anyone care to join me? We can have a howling party. My soul is howling.
I have to admit that when the wind is like that the sounds freak me out a little... I'm not sure why honestly.
I guess I'm kinda with you there too. I struggle with those thoughts a lot myself but I won't act on them. I've gotten close to it before, scarily close, but somehow I always get pulled back from the edge.
Back home there were a lot of trains that would go through town all the time and I would be sitting in my car waiting for them as they blew their whistle. There were so many times that I just wanted to scream at the top of my lungs, to let out the pain and frustration I was feeling while the train would cover the sound. Once or twice I tried to do it but for some reason when I opened my mouth to scream nothing came out. I just couldn't. Sorry that was kind of a random thought coming from the howling comment.
I wouldn't mind giving it another try. Maybe it would help to relieve some of the pressure.
Rose, I'm sorry you struggle with the dark thoughts, too. Yes, I wish I had a safe place (that wouldn't scare anyone) where I could scream to my heart's content, but I know of no such place yet. It did help a little to scream into my pillow tonight. I need to start exercising, and I know that would help reduce the feeling of pressure building up. I'm in pretty poor health, but I haven't given up on myself yet. I just have to start where I'm at. That's all anyone of us can do.
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