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Dreading
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soulkeepers posted:
Frustrated about so many things right now.

It's not HAPPY EASTER and really dreading tomorrow(B-day)

Missed half a day of work to see T but that didn't end well.Thinking about it though a lot of what was said I believe to be true.I can see why I can't hold onto to others or why others are not to keen to holding onto me.

I settle for the facts from T cause I feel that's the only ones that will speak the truth.It's been said one or the other will tell you the truth,a friend or mirror but I don't have either one.And I don't think T is being paid to lie to me without reason.Not to me cause there is no reason for it.


,........................TRIGGER..............TRIGGER


I JUST FEEL LIKE CUTTING MY WRIST AND ENDING ALL THIS BS.AND PEOPLE JUST DON'T GET IT.I HATE HATE REALLY HATE EVERYTHING RIGHT NOW.


LET THIS STAY SLIENT LIKE I HAVE BEEN AND NO ONE HAS TO MAKE A SOUND OR SHOULD THAT BE TYPE A WORD.SIGNING OFF THE CRAZY ONE!!!!!!!
Crying Is Like Taking Your Soul To The Laundry Mat!!!!!!!
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tnmist responded:
SK, I'm very sorry to hear you are struggling big time. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. I'm relieved that there is at least one person in your life that you can trust. Ahhh, and I do hope your birthday turns out better than you envision it will.

I do know what's it's like to want to harm oneself or not even be around. I hope some healthy distraction will pull you back a little more towards solid ground.

I wish there was more that I could do...I wish a lot of things, actually. (((((Safe, gentle hug, if okay))))) Please keep yourself safe, SK.

-Misty
 
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bluerose90 responded:
Soul, I'm so sorry about everything that's going on for you. Please don't hurt yourself, please. I'm glad that you have your T. Like Misty I wish there was something more I could do to help...
Please take care of yourself Soul and be safe.

(((hugs if okay)))

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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tnmist replied to bluerose90's response:
Thinking of you today, SK. Hope you are doing better.

-Misty
 
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bluerose90 responded:
Hey Soul, I hope you're doing better today. Please let us know how things are going when you can.

(((hugs if okay)))

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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soulkeepers replied to bluerose90's response:
Misty & Rose,


Thank you for thinking of me.

I know y'all understand even though you don't recommend it.But it'something i'm not going to ignore anymore and if I try to explain it to T it'll just get turn into a trial of sanity.I'll give anything for people to understand me on this issue.




Now I'm going to try and transform myself for work.Close the doors in my mind to the demons and hide the damages.They are a bunch of chatty people that don't mind asking personal questions without holding anything back.


Don't know how I'll feel after I get off work tonight but my thinking is the same.Sad I know but no one or nothing here for me!


Thank you so much!
Crying Is Like Taking Your Soul To The Laundry Mat!!!!!!!
 
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tnmist replied to soulkeepers's response:
(((Soul))) I hope life turns a corner for you, and you breathe easier soon...feeling some joy and knowing you have some people in your life who do care.

Damage is hard to survive, bandage up, and heal...I know, but maybe not to the extent of what you have been through.
Be safe.

-Misty
 
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bluerose90 replied to soulkeepers's response:
I honestly wish that there was something I could say that would help you feel better. Please know that there are people who care about you and your well-being. I hope that things get better for you soon... I know that sometimes it seems that the world is just a dark dank place and it can take a long time to see past all of the darkness, but there is hope and light.

Like Misty said, damage is hard to survive, bandage up, and heal... but it is possible to do. Please don't give up and be safe.

(((hugs)))

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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soulkeepers replied to tnmist's response:
Misty & Rose,

Thanks for caring enough to share your thoughts.Want to apologize for the misery of this s*** that I place here and sorry for having to deal with this on top of your issues as well.It was not intended to add to anyone troubles.And the two of you did the best you could with words here.


The damages spoke of is not the ones from the past.Stop speaking on that after feelings like people were sick of hearing about it-just go to work,come home and cry myself to sleep that's it.No one cares(PHYSICALLY).T and I are two people who sat down and just compared notes but sees no problem with what I wanna do.

Just sick of being drop like a big fat joke.Did the best I could and have been staring at my life as almost through for a while now.A person that's been through for a long time,now some people can deal and move through life and some just don't how to change.A big world going on and I'm not apart of it but I assure you that if I'm not here life around you and everyone else will go on.Don't fill your heart with my burdens and mess cause I don't want to harden anyone that way.

Not mean to be disrespectful but it's been easy for some many others to do just that like I was never born.Sorry to go on and on about nothing and nobody.


Evonne & Wyatt
Crying Is Like Taking Your Soul To The Laundry Mat!!!!!!!
 
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tnmist replied to soulkeepers's response:
Buuut, you have been born, you are writing, and I do care. Please don't confuse reality with imginary like TV or something. You matter. You have a voice. You need to be heard by someone who can help. Can you go to a different T? Do I need to report this post so maybe WebMD can follow up? I'm not sure. I don't want you to be afraid to post here, but I need to know that you aren't actively suicidal.

I have to go out this morning, but when I return this afternoon, I hope to see another post from you. Are you going to hurt yourself? I pray not. These are computer postings from people I don't know that well, but let me tell you, in my physical life with people I know face to face, my friends know that if they tell me they are hurting that badly I do make a phone call because I want to keep them safe, and I want you to be safe too.

How can I help, E and W? I will make my decision when I return and give you a chance to post again. (((((gentle hugs if okay)))))

-Misty
 
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bluerose90 replied to soulkeepers's response:
Soul,

We are all here to help one another out, to listen, and the help each other however we can. Personally I've always found that in trying to help others to get through their problems I help myself in the process, and I'm sure that just about everyone else here feels the same way.

Misty and I worry about you and your well-fare. We just don't want you to hurt yourself and want to do everything we can to help you through this. (((hugs if okay)))

Please tell us what we can do to help.

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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tnmist replied to soulkeepers's response:
Hi, Soul (E and W)....I'm back. I'm more awake now and re-reading your posting. I just want to remind you that posting your hurts, venting when you are angry, crying, or even posting good days - well, that's what this board is all about. It's a place where others understand more than an average person out there because all of us have been abused and we are all just trying to find our way back to solid ground.

I encourage you to keep posting your hurts here if that is helpful...If you need to warn us by putting "trigger" in the subject line, that's fine, and that way if anyone IS in a vulnerable place they will know to be careful before opening your post to read it. Otherwise, like Rose said, letting you know we are here, we are listening, we hurt with you, even, we are okay with that because in some weird way it helps us heal, too.

Usually someone here is doing okay at any given time, LOL, and can post a word of encouragement or try to offer some advice or suggestions to help you on your healing journey.

It is a journey, and this is a bad valley for you. I'm not going to report your posting right now okay. I do hear that you are hurting, and hurts us even more when we feel people don't believe us or minimize our pain or ignore us. That's just more abuse, and I don't want to add anymore pain, which is why I was debating this morning about what to do...I am listening and not ignoring...so, if you do think you are actively suicidal or headed that way, please call someone and get yourself to a safe place okay? Or, at the very least I can give WebMD a head's up (if they haven't already noticed.)

It's harder here without a moderator, but I do care, and I do hear you - I think - but I also don't want to cause any further pain or hurt, and I don't even know what WebMD does if someone "reports' a posting except that I think they try to get in touch with you.

I don't know if you have noticed, but when I'm super low and I write about it here in this community, I always make sure anyone reading it understands that I'm voicing my current feelings but I'm not actively suicidal, and that helps the rest of the community. We look out for one another, right?

I sure hope you got some rest, maybe, since you posted, and are doing a little better. Please write to us when you can.

**hands you some Kleenex, the pink blanket to wrap yourself in tightly if that makes you feel more secure, and sits nearby to keep you company...even brought some coloring books and crayons along just in case**
 
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soulkeepers replied to tnmist's response:
Thanks
Crying Is Like Taking Your Soul To The Laundry Mat!!!!!!!
 
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bluerose90 replied to soulkeepers's response:
Hey Soul, I'm glad that you posted. I've been wondering how you've been doing. How's everything going? Are you feeling any better? Please, let us know. (((gentle hugs if okay)))

Rose
Where there is shadow, there is light.
 
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tnmist replied to soulkeepers's response:
I'm glad you posted, too. I probably rambled on way too much, especially since you have been here longer than I have, I believe. Sorry about that.

Hope you are doing a little better or at least can find someone with whom you are able to talk and be validated and believed.

-Misty


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