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    Beat down again
    marysings posted:
    My sister has stopped visiting our mother when she found out that my mother helped set up time for my father to molest me.

    On Friday I suggested that my sister and I make a mother's day visit Saturday morning.

    A BAD DECISION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    We walked into the nursing home and she was in a group of ladies watching tv. My sister put her hand on our mothers' shoulder. My mother snapped her head around and said 'who are you'. My sister told her that we were making a mother's day visit and we had a small corsage for her. Our mother said 'I don't know about mother's day and I will not let you put a stupid flower on me. Take your hand off me and don't touch me again. Now get out of here. NOW! GOODBYE!' We were rather stunned with her behavior. For the last 2 years she was pleasant.

    We left the tv area and went to find the RN in charge. My sister asked when did our mother made a 180degrees into a bossy and demanding person. He told us that it happened a few weeks. She went to bed peacefully and the next morning she had turned into a monster. We asked if this was just a phase of her dementia and he said it was typical. We asked if there was a possibility she would return to her pleasant behavior. He said it was not likely. He also said he was surprised when she began to fight with the nursing staff and patients. He said if we want to come visit again, don't get too close because she was hitting everyone and anyone.

    I walked out the door and had a melt down. My sister held me while I cried. She said she wasn't sure she would return and she said that I should never return.

    I'm struggling with chronic lower back pain AND out-of-control fibromyalgia pain. Now I am sliding into a deep depression again. I just can't escape it any more.

    I feel so alone.

    I want to die. I want to escape the pain in my heart.

    And no one will let me.
    I'm strong willed and I tell it like it is. I make mistakes, I'm sometimes out of control, but I love and give with all my heart. Have patience with me as I heal.
    tnmist responded:
    Wow, Mary, what a terrible surprise. The nursing home should have told the family or something. Has her doctor run any tests or anything?...It could be a UTI or some other infection throwing her off. Good grief. It could be any number of things.

    I'm so sorry you are struggling so much. Like your picture, by the way! Very cute.

    Getting the right combo of meds I'm sure must be extremely frustrating, and when you add physical problems/pain on top of emotional and family issues, it's easy to feel overwhelmed.

    I've recently had to ask my PCP for a script for Wellbutrin. Sigh. Gave up trying to fight the depression. Was hoping Spring and all would help, but it hasn't.

    I know what it feels like to want to give up. If you are thinking of hurting yourself, please call a crisis line or get to a hospital. When we are overwhelmed and depressed, it's hard to remember that things won't be this way all the time. You are dealing with quite a lot right now. I wish there was more I could do.

    Please stay safe, Mary, and even though you are in a tough spot right now I'm still glad to hear from you. I really am.

    (((Hugs if okay)))

    bluerose90 responded:
    Hey Mary,

    I'm so sorry for everything that you've been going through. When someone has dementia like that sudden changes in their behavior can happen and it's always hard on the family. I'm glad that your sister was there for you though.

    Like Misty said there could be a number of reasons for the change in her behavior. Meds and infections are at the top of the list.

    Please don't hurt yourself, Mary. If you feel like you might call a crisis line or reach out to someone. We all care about you and want you to be safe. (((gentle hugs if okay)))

    Where there is shadow, there is light.

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