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Feeling Down.....TRIGGER
gettoknowme posted:
I don't know if what I'm going to write will set anyone off so I'll put a TRIGGER just in case I don't wanna to go there.........................


The last couple of days have been tough for me.This is the first break I've had all day cause I've been sitting at the hospital.Stepped out for something to eat forgot about that out of all things. Thought I'll do that will my sister was asleep.

Heading to the elevator I had to turn a corner and walk pass the nurses desk.During that I heard my sister's name being mention and a women was standing there when I looked.So I walked up to the desk and inform them I don't know who this person is and not to let anyone in her room while I'm out.This person followed me outside demanding me to let her see M but I said no.

Okay it was a lie that I told the nurses but I didn't know what else to say.Truth is that women is the one that had us,different dads tho,I don't know who my father is.I last saw her when I was 23 and M was almost 5.I was set to be young ya know,start college,staying up on the weekends partying and things a person do at the age but had to put that on hold.I notice one day that her father was spending too much time with her more than usual that is.Thought he was doing the same things to her that he had done to me and he was.

I called him on and said I was going to turn him in.Never got a chance to pay for things he did cause he committed suicide.I figured she blamed me for it cause she left us.One day just dropped M off with me and never came back.I was lost for one I thought things like that only happened in the movies and I had no clue what to do after.I had no ends,I was barely taking care of myself.

It may not be right but it's how I feel.I had to bust my butt to make sure she had everything she needed,get to the doctors,school,clean clothes and food to eat.She didn't make to college but made sure she finished school period.I had to deal with the crying and nightmares during the night and there were times when I didn't feel like getting out of bed but I had someone depending on me.I knew If I didn't then it wouldn't have gotten done.So I asked her ( Mom) what rock she crawled from under hollering about her baby?...The baby you left is almost 30 now.

If it was just me then I would be okay with it but M was robbed of so much and I was really angry with her for just walking away like she didn't even know us.It wasn't my job to raise my sister but it was a choice I made.It was more than I could handle but God saw us through.I started praying every night and as time moved on I discovered that it can be done.God is awesome and recovery is so,so rewarding.I'm proud of the young women she has grown into despite not having a mother or father in her life.It took a long time but I was able to let go of the resentment,anger,disappointments,hatred and so much more.

For so many years nothing from her,no card ,phone call or a picture of her and to tell you the truth I really thought she was dead.I don't know how much of her M remember or anything but I am certain I don't want to lay this on M right now and don't want to bring her any more pain.I told her not to bother her either or I'll call the cops seriously.The most important thing right now is to keep her safe and she don't need a mother now.

Wow I forget how it felt to get things off your chest and it helps.Keeping everyone in my prayers and thoughts and a good nights sleep.
slik_kitty responded:
good for you for standing up for your sister. i hope she will be ok. hugs to you both.
tnmist responded:
Hooray for you for standing up to her. I hope she doesn't cause any more trouble. Hope you are doing better today. Thank you for sharing. ((gentle hugs if okay)).
Every day begins with an act of courage and hope: Getting out of bed. - Mason Cooley


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