Lately I haven't been on cause for pass couple of days I just felt like I needed to be alone.Different things going on,family issues,mom still in town and I'm stressing out on so many levels. I've seen and heard lots of things but yet she never seems to amaze me.Before today I was feeling like in some kind of way I was cheating M out of something but I don't know what that something is.I don't wanna lose it in all of this cause it's getting to be a bit too much.
I had these feelings but I didn't wanted them to be.I wanted to understand cause they were to hard for me to conceal the feelings.Somethings are not always what they appear to be and I can't break down to anyone why I have these feelings.Ran into mom at the gas station and that's when I decided to just keep these feelings to myself.She is really making it hard for people to respect her and I try to.Facing each other today I realize that she hasn't change that much from where she's been.
To top it off she must be on something if she think that I'm going to give her answers on stupid questions.What really got to me and made me tear up is sick.I knew what she meant when that statement was mad ( I see you have grown into a man but do you taste like one?..or do you still taste the same? ) If she is bold enough say some s*** like that to me than there's no telling what she might do.
I tried to be nice to her cause I thought that maybe was being too hard on her.She is our mom and that's a fact that can't be disputed and I almost flipped.I came close to letting my temper guide my thoughts but it wasn't worth it.
I have a lot that I need to say but I'm tired.I have been ripping and running the last few days.
I know you are giving me some sound advice and I thank you for that.I wanted the truth and I got that but wish I didn't. I'm letting this get to pretty bad and sometimes I wish I wasn't here no more or that my problems would just disappear. Steady asking God why It gotta be like this?
I ask god to make my heart cold tonight cause I don't wanna feel the pain.I didn't think that she would be that open about it and admit to doing wrong but she did.I been there and I'm getting depressed about it again.I don't want that,don't wanna fall into a deep depression.
Feel like somebody burning candles on me.Everything just seems wrong but all so real.
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