Sexual Abuse Survivors Support Community

Is it necessary to have a horde of people who would miss you? You are the world to a special few and that's something. That's a BIG something.

Maybe you're still here so you can heal, sort out all of this while you're here.

I understand the loneliness, Mary. I really do. *gentlehugs*

I would miss you. Others here would as well.

You can ride this out. Can you do something nice for yourself today, something for just you? Something fun and/or frivolous? Something to make yourself smile?

And rather than focusing on what you don't have, focus on what you do have.

Sitting here with you.

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

No, it's not necessary to have a 'horde' of people miss me. I don't care if no one misses me. I'm just saying that the loneliness of my life has come to the point that I can't take much more.

My healing has been a journey with more heartache than I ever expected. And to know that I will always be on depression meds is not a very exciting future to look forward to. I want to be rid of all this - the need for this board, the meds, the weekly therapy, my tainted name. Even if I got rid of the first three, I will always be the 'town nut'. There is nothing I can change about that.

I have had friends who pulled away for no reason. I must not be a very likeable person. I've tried to have friends and because I am the 'town nut', their husbands told them to have nothing to do with me. Can you for just one moment think how that would make you feel? I hate this town and yet because of our business (which is slowly going down the tubes) I am stuck here.

I know that I would be missed on this board for probably a week or two and then someone else would join and after a short time I wouldn't even be remembered.

Can I ride this out? I truly don't know. There's no way to fix it. There is absolutely no way to fix it. The loneliness hurts so much but all the counseling in the world is not going to take it away.

And I don't feel that I am focusing on what I don't have - I believe I am being a realist about what I don't have. I don't have friends in this hateful, horrible town. I have only a few friends from our church but even those I could count on one hand. And they don't live in my town.

I appreciate that you're sitting with me, Caprice. However, you can sit here forever and it's not going to change anything. I wish it would, but I know it won't.

Thanks for the hugs, Teri. I just wish they were real.

you would be missed, and you would not be forgotten here. you are a part of our lives, and that cannot be forgotten.

I learned a long time ago, that the only person i have that i can truely depend upon is myself. others may hurt me or leave me. i cannot control them. i cannot make them stay. i can control me though. i can make myself content with being alone with only my friends on the board. i am a loner by nature. life made me that way.

I work, and i guess you could call my coworkers friends, but we never go out together. so i come home to just me and my son. i like it that way. i'm not saying that you have to like it. just know that it is possible to be happy without friends. we don't need people on the outside to be happy. heck, a person can even be lonely in a crowd of people. loneliness is a state of mind that you can pull out of. the key though, is to be happy with yourself, and i know that you are not. once you can get to that point, then the loneliness goes away. you're content to be with yourself because you know you are a worthwhile person. and you are. i wish that you could see that. hugs if ok.

Slik Kitty, thank you for your post. You are right that I have to realize that the only person I can truly depend on is myself. Problem is that I don't like myself.

I don't work. I do the store bookwork on and off through the month. If I am "caught" working by my old employer, they will take my early medical disability retirement away. That is $520 a month that we need. I don't think I could work if I wanted to....my memory is just awful anymore. I left a $32K a year job. I worked 25+ years to get there and then they just let me go because I couldn't control the tears at work and because I began to let the quality of my work slip. I was a mess and they didn't want to put up with me anymore.

I suppose I told you all that to say that as long as you can continue to work, do it.

I need to head for bed. I hope tomorrow is a better day.

Love,

Mary

(((((((((((HUGS))))))))))) & MORE (((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))

I just logged on for te exact same reason, the lonliness hurts so much, no family, no friends no one it makes me not want to go in and get help because no one else is around to care or be there, when I'm alone sometimes I burst into tears it's getting very bad and those commercials always make me want to cry it seems like they come on so much and I just look at my daughter each time it comes on if she's near me. I feel bad for feeling this way I feel bad for saying that I understand how you feel I truly feel like who can live without family, who can live without love without, without friends but Mary you have those things, please take it from someone who literally has no other adults in their life that you have those things but I know at times it feels like you don't. I haven't made it to the other post because I just wanted to reply to this one I'm hoping that you're feeling better now sometimes I wish this forum was a center where we could all meet up and offer hugs and support but many of us are far away but sometimes I'm sure it feels like we're close when I read some post they just touch my heart. I'm not sure why I feel like some things make sense for me to feel that way but I never want anyone else to feel that way about themselves. Mary you have so many people that care about you and I've heard te bond that sisters share is so very special. I'm glad that you take the time to reach out when you need it and hopefully these ((((((hugs))))))) will help you some.

Mary text me and we can talk on the phone or on facebook what ever make you comfortable I am lonely also and my best friend is moving to Atlanta and I have to fake a smile when on the inside I am dying. I want to scream but I can't cause then I will cry and not be able to stop or the only way I will be able to stop crying is by cutting and I don't want to travel back down that road. Email me something lets work on this loneliness together. sweetface2sk@aol.com

I could have written this post but you said it better. You're right that feeling alone is unbearable. Since my mom's death i'm really feeling the pain too. I wish i could offer you some comfort but i have no answers. I've been told that the way to cope with loneliness is to get involved with something,take a class, volunteer at a soup kitchen, join a church, but that advice has never helped me. The issues that have made me lonely in the first place, shy, afraid to trust people, no transportation, make "getting involved" or even making new friends very hard.

I hope that you don't travel back down that road to cutting! It makes my heart ache for so many of us to be dealing with so much pain and lonliness at the same time. I hope everyone is able to work together and decrease that unbearable feeling. I'm glad so many of you are able to reach out to one another on the board without fear or shame but only being concerned with healing and feeling better and reaching out that is such a good thing I'm working on that

I understand, as many here do, the feeling of loneliness. The house is so quiet it's stifling. I've even learned , without Aylia here, that silence has a sound. I've thought of killing myself after the uncle incident and throughout my marriage. I even threatened to do so my insurance would ok me being admitted to the hospital. Being lonely made me find this board. I'm so glad I did. I've also felt my heart breaking at every turn. At least you have an outlet here. We both do.

I would miss you terribly. Many here would. We're here anytime, any place you need us. (((((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))))))

Katie

Hi - I am a woman based in the UK. Sometimes I dont feel so lonely, but the majority of time - including now, I can feel excrutiating loneliness - it really does hurt.

I read your post and it really touched me. My heart really went out to you. I really agree with one of the responses that someone wrote about loving yourself. I think that when we feel better about ourselves life changes for the better!!!! I;ve seen that happen in my own life - the hard thing is maintaining the self love - but i think its possible and worth the effort.

Please stay with the journey. Dont worry about all of those people who walk away from you because their husbands advise them to stay away. You are of worth and of value!!!! People can be shallow and superficial. They say a friend in need is a friend indeed for a reason, because not everyone will be around you during your low points - but you dont need everyone to be there.

Just know that you are valuable and lovable and of worth and you have something to offer the world. Even your posts has touched a woman, living alone (probably thousands of miles from you) in London, England.

Please keep going - and know you are very valuable

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((( Hugs Mary ))))))))))))))))))

I feel the same way at times. Who would miss me and so on. That no one ever calls to see how I'm doing or visits.

Its been three years since you posted this, but I just wanted to say, that you sound depressed, which is worse than loneliness. I am lonely! No friends, no one calls, no job, no where to go, I have no one; except God. I used to be depressed too!

I don't believe that God would let me in heaven if I took my own life, so thats not an option: who knows if its true, but I wouldn't want to take the chance and end up somewhere worse than this planet!

If you didn't find outside help, what works for me is talking to God and trying to be aware of the simple things that I love in life! Like a sunny day, or the laughter of children down the street, or the smell of spring, and the song of birds in the morning.

Sorry I don't have any solutions, I am usually not plagued by depression anymore (a decade of prayer cured me), but lonliness can get so bad, I feel like its eating me sometimes. Just remember to take one day at a time... some days are better! Live for those because depression lies to us, and tells us nothing is going to change and there is no hope, but its not true!! We change on a daily basis and sometimes we have horrible days that seem unending: but they have an end. If that doesn't help, remember we also all have a terminal illness called time. We won't be here forever; one day it will be your last day here, and no matter how happy you think you will be, its still a strange feeling. Once you die God will be there and this planet won't matter and won't hurt anymore, but we need patience and trust while we are here.

I hope your doing better. I'm feeling unusually lonely tonight; but I will wait for the sun rise in hopes for a better tomorrow. Hold on!