I had always been asked if I had been molested and always answered no. Then, after a hysterectomy at 36, I was once again asked, only this time I shocked myself and said, in tears, yes. After that incident, I began having what I call "Kodak moments." I would have snapshots of memories with no rhyme nor reason. As the years went on, the snapshots became clearer and I realized exactly what had been done to me beginning at the age of eight. I still don't know all of the details, but I know enough. I've tried to forgive but following the physical and mental problems associated with this event, I find myself frequently angry. So many problems and none of them necessary. Bipolar, substance abuse of prescription meds, migraines, ibd, female problems, back problems, throat problems, stomach problems and then the sex problems, no feeling from the waist down, no sex drive, no desire. Sometimes it makes me really mad that along with my childhood, that was taken from me, too. I want to rant what more do I have to suffer, then I remember that I'm not the only one and that many suffer worse fates than mine. At times I can talk about this and be ok, but at other times I hurt and cry. Can't write anymore now. Debbie
I'm sorry that you're hurting right now and have alot of anger in you as well. I know how this feels because I want to rant and rave about what has happen to me many times, yet also feel lost and confused too. Like you, trying to forgive what has happened is hard to do even though I'm trying with little success. I also have bipolar, migraines, and lack of sex drive too. I'll say this it's ok to be angry about your lost childhood and innocence. You don't have to suffer in silence that is what the board is here for a safe place to share your thoughts and feelings about what has happened to you. It's a place of support and understanding from other Survivor's like yourself. When you're ready to talk more we will be here waiting patiently to offer all the support and understanding that you need. Take care of yourself too. Peace~Wolf
You are not alone.Each person that goes thru any sexual molestation the symptoms are so much alike.When u talk about some of your symptoms I've experience them too. Im going thru some of those symptoms and emotions too.Its good that you have allow to remember and have all this emotions that need to come out in order to heal.But to heal and take care of that little child inside of you that didn't have a normal childhood.Never blame yourself.I think because it has happen to me the physical pain is your child within telling you to stop hurting yourself and deal with this issue that you kept inside for so long.It happen to me too.
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