Sexually Transmitted Diseases Community

The fact that you have a happy face at the end of your post tells me that you are on the right road to getting on with life.

There is no really easy solution to decide when you want to tell someone. It really is up to when you think that sex is in the offing and that you need to tell that person. They have a right to know what you have so that they can make an informed decision as to if they want to take the risks.

There is two ways to tell them. One is to sit them down and tell them what you have but it is also about what they could have and so it is important for both of you to get complete STI testing done so both of you know what each other has. Be sure to both ask for a type specific igg blood test as it is not normally included in STI testing.

The second alternative is to sit down and write a letter that way you can take the time to word it just the way you want to word it. In both cases make sure that you have the Herpes Handbook or Terri Warren's book "The Good News about the Bad News"

Tell them outside of the bedroom. When you have time to talk and be at ease. God Bless you on your journey through life with HSV.

You're not alone in being frustrated about this diagnosis so soon after becoming sexually active. I have been in denial for many years about my diagnosis. I found out I had HSV (I don't even know if it's type 1 or type 2) when I was 20. At that point I had only had sex with one person. It was so frustrating to hear girl friends talk about their "sex-capades", knowing that I had trusted the man I was in a monogamous relationship with and had gotten literally and figuratively screwed. I still get very frustrated when friends don't protect themselves because I know how letting my guard down once caused something bad to happen to me.

I did tell my second boyfriend, who I started dating within a few months of being diagnosed, but after we had been involved for a few months and had already become sexually active. We used a condom every time we had sex because I didn't feel I could live with giving HSV to someone else even though he wasn't concerned. I felt like I had duped him by waiting so long to tell him. He had questions that I didn't get answers to because I wasn't ready to handle the situation when he and I got involved.

I'm now 28 and single again. I'm dealing with how to move forward with this diagnosis and how to not let it define my perception of myself or how I feel others perceive me. I am not dirty. I just had bad luck. Many of the negative stereotypes I believe society to have about herpes are likely only in my head. Rather than wallowing in my misfortune I can move forward with my life and be informed so I know how to "deal" with it. I think most relationships become sexual too fast regardless of their being a "bomb" like this to drop.

I was really surprised when reading the statistics that 1 in 5 men and 1 in 4 women have HSV. I had no idea it was so common. You'll know the right time to broach this conversation. It's more important to get to know someone before bringing it up because if they don't like you over some silly aspect of you, then they're not worth knowing all there is to know about you.

Part of what helped me was recently explaining to my two closest girl friends that part of the reason I stayed in a bad relationship with my second boyfriend was that I so desperately wanted to avoid the HSV talk in the future. The first friend I told, I couldn't look in the eye when I told her, but after she reacted by telling me that she still loved me and that I'd be surprised to know that another good friend of hers had made the same admission to her, it was much easier to tell my second friend. It helped them to understand me a bit better.

Not very concisely, what I'm trying to convey to you is that it will be ok. My outbreaks have gotten fewer and less severe over the years. When you are in a relationship with someone who truly cares about you then this won't be a big deal. Everyone has baggage going into relationships.

Hi Ladies, I'm 54 years old and have had herpes for 30 years. I got it when my boyfriend screwed around on me. We had been living together for several years. I was so freaked out that I married him thinking no one else would ever want me. Huge mistake. We divorced a few years ago. I have found that if a man loves you, the fact that you have herpes will not send him running for the hills! I've had relationships with 3 men and only one of them couldn't handle it. One of the relationships lasted on and off for four years and the reason we finally broke up had nothing to do with herpes. My third relationship is with someone I've known for a long time and herpes has never been an issue. I take acyclovir daily and when I do have an occasional outbreak my doctor gives me a prescription for a megadose that I take for 10 days. Usually the out outbreak goes away within 2 days of beginning the megadose.

Anyway, herpes is no fun but it's not the end of the world.
Ladyrunner, I want to caution you about who you tell, even your friends. Something could happen to the friendship and then you just don't know who your ex-friend will tell. Also, even of you remain friends forever, there's always the possibility that your secret could slip from their lips. Maybe that isn't an issue with you but it's not something I want everyone to know about.

Take care!