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Living with hsv2, and totally alone...
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tlc30 posted:
I found out in 2007 that I had hsv2. I was devistated and really I still am. I'm very shy and quiet and I am totally lost over this. I think to myself sometimes that its not that bad, but then I can't move forward because I feel that no one will ever want to be with me. I confided in my sister after I found out. She was the only other person (besides my boyfriend) that I could talk to.
When I first found out I was seeing someone. When I told him I got tested and it was positive he was mad. He said some mean things but we stayed together. He never got tested and since we stayed together and it didnt seem to matter if he had it and there is no real way to tell who had it first, I didnt care. We were on and off for the next couple years, but in 2009 we were done. I think I wanted to stay together longer because I was afraid of meeting someone new and would have to tell him.
So for the last 3 years I have been totally alone. I'm a single mom of two wonderful boys and hate that I have closed myself off to everyone. My childrens dad has been out of the picture for the last 10 years and my kids really deserve a father figure in their life. Since I am so afraid of opening up I feel like I'm cheating them out of having a dad.
I want to meet someone that will accept me. I am a great lady, smart and caring and hate that I'm wasting my life away alone. The only thing that keeps me going is my kids. I keep my head up and hide my pain.
Recently, I finally brought myself to tell someone (a man) that I really cared about who I fell in love with. We weren't in a relationship but we were getting really close. I have known him for several years and this last year we both told each other that we care about one another and wanted to see where things would go. We were making plans to spend the weekend togther and I decided it was time to tell him. It was his choice to move fwd with me. I hoped for the best. At first he said how much more he respected me for telling him and opening up and that it didn't change the way he felt. We ended the night on a good note, or so I thought. Over the next week I realized that he wasnt ok with me. Sadly I haven't heard from him since. This just happened a couple weeks ago. I'm truely crushed and feel stupid for believing that I could open up to him. I thought I meant more to him and feel a little betrayed by his lack of being there for me and talking to me. So, now I'm back to where I started and this makes me feel like no one will accept me.
I know this is an ear full! I just haven't been able to express myself until now. Any feedback would be great. Thank you!
Reply
 
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abe648 responded:
Ok so you have a lot of things on your chest to get off. It is good that you came here to talk about it. If this guy did not stick around then it is his loss and you sound like a great person who cares a lot. There is someone who will love you even with herpes. Do not shy away from telling someone when you think it is the right time. If they really love you they will be there for you.

Take the time to get educated if you have not done so. See my signature line for more details

When it comes to telling someone do not make it a big deal. If you think it is leading to a sexual relationship then tell him and make it not a big deal and then both of you can move on and get tested before you start having sex. Have the Herpes Handbook ready to show him that life goes on. If you feel that you would have a tough time telling someone then sit down and write a letter that way you can take the time to word it just right. Then give it to him to read and be prepared for any questions. if he has questions that you cannot answer then come here and ask us.

If you live in a larger centre then google "Herpes support groups" on Yahoo and if there is one in your area then go and they can help you get over your fears and help you more. God Bless you and your boys you sound like a great lady. And by the way you are not alone we are here for you.
Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
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libra responded:
Hi tlc30, I am in the same situation. A single mom of two amazing boys but their dad's are in their life so I am sorry to hear that your kids dad's are not. I have been facing the same problem you are facing. I just found out this past March that i have hsv-2. I cried i was so ashamed. I believe it was my first son's father who had cheated on me a few times, I couldn't prove he cheated then but I knew it deep inside. then while I was pregnant he cheated and left me for over a month when he came back he had something down there & he said it was heat rash. I didn't believe him so I asked my doctors to do a full STD test. they did a swab & it was negative and took blood work. It came back that I had HPV. He was the only man I ever slept with unprotected he was my high school sweetheart we were together for 6.5 years. So i find out I now have the HPV that cause cervical caner. I never tested positive for herpes. I have never had an outbreak, and still to this day have never had any outbreaks. So i really thought I was fine, my son came out fine with no herpes.I truly thought I was safe. So when I found this out & I told my current BF& sister because I was totally & still am devastated over this. My BF was shocked, mad, angry & then ok with it. I was surprised at how well he handled it. We were actually living separately when I told him because he had a drug problem & I asked him to move out to get help because I couldn't have that around my kids. Anyways we finally broke up this past June. I am so sad because I found a very sweet single father who has his son full time. I wasn't looking for a relationship but it just happened to work out that way. I know I like this guy, he has told me he really likes me & thinks we are great for each other. I don't know how to tell him this. I am afraid to do it but of course I am going to have to tell him & just expects the worst. I haven't told him yet because I have only been seeing him for about a month but he is different, sweet & talks like I'm the one. He say's when you know you know. I felt like I knew him for years though we had just met. I'm sorry your long time friend that you had real feelings for didn't except you for you. I don't know how to tell this amazing man that I have met that I have this STD. he has told me a few times when I sorta hinted around that I'm sure I will scare him off because of certain things & he say's he doesn't judge & he's not scared of anything. I wasn't going to sign up for this web discussion but your story helped me take the first step knowing I am not the only one going through this. I know someone will except you and I, but it will have to be a really understanding, nonjudgmental person. Feel free to write back anytime. I hope my story helps you too.
 
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tlc30 replied to abe648's response:
Thank you abe648 for your response. I know I need to open up and talk about it with people that know what I am going through and can help me move forward. I'm just so shy and embarrased about it so I haven't gotten the nerve to talk to anyone face to face. I really hate that I know this isn't the end of the world and it's not the worst thing that could ever happen to someone but the stigma out there and the way people joke about how gross it is makes it hard to talk about. Hopefully I can get myself to join a support group. I really want to learn how to deal with hsv2. Thank you again.
 
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tlc30 replied to libra's response:
Thank you so much for your reply libra. It really means a lot to me. I'm happy that my story helped you too.
It took a lot for me to sign up and post but I'm so tired of hiding and being totally alone. I needed to express myself and really needed to talk to someone that understands what I am going through. Not that I wish this upon anyone, but it helps to know that I'm not alone.
I hope that your new bf sticks around. He should appreciate your honesty and realize that you are not selfish and you have a heart. I wish my friend would have stayed true to his words and gave me a chance after I opened up to him. This isn't the worst thing in the world. It's not going to kill you. Yes, some have worse symptoms than others, but some never have any. I was diagnosed over 5 years ago, I still have not had an outbreak, or any other problems.
I just think that those of us who know we have it and are honest about it are worth keeping!
 
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abe648 replied to tlc30's response:
You are welcome. If you cannot find a support group in your area then please come back here and let us be your support group so we can help you. You need to talk to someone about this to help you get a good prospective on life and the herpes issue.

Do you have a really close friend that you can talk to about this. Anyone who would share your concern even if they do not have herpes. Life needs to be shared to be lived. If you have no one then please let us help you. I know this can be a big deal if you are a shy person but talking to us or someone else will help you work through your issues.

Let us know how we can help.
Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
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ronin responded:
got it back in 2004 an i felt the same way an the girl that gave it to me jetted within a few months then called me out of the blue 3 months after she jetted to say " hay its lindsy im sorry " then she mumbled something els an hung up but not im with a great woman an have been for the last five years we r safe an it wasnt that hard to tell her but we did take our time an we got to know each other be for this came in to play an no there was no sex till after that
 
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gems12 responded:
Oh sweetheart, you did the right thing by telling him. Its called "responsible". This should tell you that he wasn't the one for you! I totally understand by stay'n away from men, i've done the same. Hold your head up and take charge!! Don't let this get you down.. Your knight will come!
 
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An_248746 responded:
I have it as well. Don't give up. There is a man out there that is a MAN and will look past this and show you the love and support that you need. Now, just think, knowing what you know about this try to picture yourself with out it. A man tells you that he has this but wants a sexual relationship. I do believe that you have to admit that it would be a very scary and stressful decsion. Knowing that nobody can die from this is helpful, but still. Just don't give up. There IS someone that wants to spend the rest of their life with you and your kids. Try looking up support groups with single men who have it or be blunt from the begining and say that you are not going to waste your time or energy on this relationship if this is something that they can not handle. Do Not get yourself down. Stay positive and be happy.
 
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nelove responded:
Boy do I understand how you feel! I wish I had a better answer but all I can tell you is to pray. That's what I've been doing. I'm struggling through it too. I just broke up the man I believe I got this from this weekend. We had been together for 10 years. My kids think of him as a father and his kids used to spend time at my house every other weekend. I find myself wondering how the kids are going adjust. But I couldn't stay with him anymore when I tested "inconclusive" for Hepatitis B and he wouldn't get tested.
Since I got diagnosed with Herpes I often asked myself if I was with him because I didn't want to have to explain to the next man that I'm contagious or did I really love him. I'm still not sure and I don't know if I'll ever know. A part of me still wants him. We've separated many times over a decade and this could be just one of those times but who knows.
We didn't break up because of Herpes, but we may not get back together of it because I don't want to feel like I'm with him because I have no other choice. The more I thought about why I was staying with him, the less I wanted to be with him. Yet I don't look forward to spending to my life explaining my diagnosis or being alone.
The only thing I know for sure is that I can't enter into a relationship when I'm not feeling good about myself. Honestly, my self-esteem is shot right now and I know that's a recipe for disaster in a relationship.
So bottom line, I don't have much advice for you but to let you know you're not alone.
 
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datehsv replied to nelove's response:
datehsv?c o m focuses on providing a safe dating & support
community for singles and friends living with HERPES / HPV to
find love and support! It has services of HERPES blog, HERPES
forum, Ask Counselor, Real inspirational Stories, Photos of
HERPES and other general dating.
 
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datehsv responded:
you will never be alone
 
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bonster1225 responded:
recently became in this situation i met my daughters father and i soon became pregnant with my daughter..during my pregnancy they ran all the normal test and i cam back positive for HPV i was scared to death because my grandmother dies from cervical cancer. Dr told me it was normal for pregnant women to have it during pregnancy, so i trusted them. after i delivered my daughter on Christmas day i found out that the week i was laying in the hospital with high blood pressure my daughters father cheated on me, i was devastated. a year went by and we broke up, months after i found a new man we fell in love. this past year around super bowl i thought i had a really bad yeast infection..the night of super bowl my bf had got arrested for outstanding tickets, few days later i went to Dr and they tested me for HSV 2, about a week later i got the horrible news that it was positive..i visited my bf in jail and i informed him of what was going on,i gave him the option to stay with me or to go, he chose to stay i was happy, a few months went on and then he left... I have accepted that i have the HSV however i'm scared to date anyone cause i'm so scared of being rejected do to this. i am currently talking to a guy and he has already told me he loves me and as much as i love him back im scared to tell him cause i dont wanna have to tell him about it.
 
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annahand91 responded:
I found out last year in november i had it too..except i was about 7 months pregnant dating a guy who wasnt my daughters father. i didnt tell my ex because i knew hed get mad so i kept it a secret until we decided to get back together after she was born. he accepted it and we were together for a bout 9 months but arent anymore. when i talk to a guy and we are talkin bout being together thats always the first thing i tell them and so far the one guy im talking to now is accepting of it..he knows people who have it so he understands how embarrassing it is..im not afraid to tell people because i was just with one guy when i got it..if a guy cant accept that then he isnt worth the time. just find someone who can accept you for you not what you have or whatever..if he truly loves you he will accept you no matter what the issue


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