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Heart broke and Herpes
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love4deej posted:
My wife and I have been together for 5 1/2 years, and immediately began starting a family, we have a soon to 5 yr old and 2 yr old little girls. My wife recently went to the OB/GYN because she thought she was having an issue in that region (not an STD) and the doctor informed her that she possibly had herpes. In total disbelief she toldme, and because neither of us (especially myself) has never had any issue involving STD's, so we knew the test would come back false. Well they didn't, and she was positive for herpes. Now being the trusting person that I am, I've never questioned her in reference to her past relationships, and honestly all she ever says is that she dated, outside of one guy I know she was with long term who turned out to be gay. Now we've never used condoms since the beginning, and I have an appt with my doctor to discuss this with him, and get tested. I have been reading articles and have concluded that within a year a outbreak can occur (does that mean infidelity?), or could she have always had it, without ever showing a sign for it? Could I have it and have passed it to her? Does blisters or the infected area have to be present in order to transmit? I'm so torn about this, I love my family to death and I can not believe that this is happening. Now whats intriguing about all of this is my wife's seemingly lack of conversation about it, she is analytical about everything, even with old friends of mine. It;s my belief that she's known about this and neglected to inform me, especially because out sex life isn't that great, I mean it's not bad, but I'm usally the initiater, and as I remember always telling her that I wanted more from her, but looking back I feel like now maybe, she was having an outbreak or something which would have impeded that. I don't know what to think, this is really tearing me up, I son't even know if I could stay married to her whether I'm clean or not. Even though I know that life with herpes isn't over, just has limitations, maybe I need therapy!

Please help me, not in determining whether she's cheating, but on the basis of knowing whether I did to her or she did to me potentially!
2 Replies |Watch This Discussion | Report This| Share this:Heart broke and HerpesMy wife and I have been together for 5 1/2 years, and immediately began starting a family, we have a soon to 5 yr old and 2 yr old little girls. My wife recently went to the OB/GYN because she thought she was having an issue in that region (not an STD) and the doctor informed her that she possibly had herpes. In total disbelief she toldme, and because neither of us (especially myself) has never had any issue involving STD's, so we knew the test would come back false. Well they didn't, and she was positive for herpes. Now being the trusting person that I am, I've never questioned her in reference to her past relationships, and honestly all she ever says is that she dated, outside of one guy I know she was with long term who turned out to be gay. Now we've never used condoms since the beginning, and I have an appt with my doctor to discuss this with him, and get tested. I have been reading articles and have concluded that within a year a outbreak can occur (does that mean infidelity?), or could she have always had it, without ever showing a sign for it? Could I have it and have passed it to her? Does blisters or the infected area have to be present in order to transmit? I'm so torn about this, I love my family to death and I can not believe that this is happening. Now whats intriguing about all of this is my wife's seemingly lack of conversation about it, she is analytical about everything, even with old friends of mine. It;s my belief that she's known about this and neglected to inform me, especially because out sex life isn't that great, I mean it's not bad, but I'm usally the initiater, and as I remember always telling her that I wanted more from her, but looking back I feel like now maybe, she was having an outbreak or something which would have impeded that. I don't know what to think, this is really tearing me up, I son't even know if I could stay married to her whether I'm clean or not. Even though I know that life with herpes isn't over, just has limitations, maybe I need therapy!<br /> <br />Please help me, not in determining whether she's cheating, but on the basis of knowing whether I did to her or she did to me potentially!
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georgiagail responded:
If you both test positive, no one can say who first brought this virus into this marriage. If both of you had previous partners you may both have entered the marriage carrying the virus.

Gail
Report This| Share this:Heart broke and HerpesIf you both test positive, no one can say who first brought this virus into this marriage. If both of you had previous partners you may both have entered the marriage carrying the virus.<br /> <br />Gail
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abe648 responded:
Either of you could have had this for 10. 20 or more years have had no idea that either of you had it. Do not assume she knew about it. You need to sit down and talk to her about this and see if she knew she had it. Even if she did do you still love her. Seems like before this happened you did love her and so what has changed. Even if both of you have it like Gail said there is no way of figuring out who brought it into the marraige. If you love her then love her with all your heart.

Do go and get tested and get a type specific igg blood test for HsV 1 & 2. Ask for a copy of the numeric test results and post them on here so we can help you figure out your status. Just because she has herpes does not automatically mean that you have it. There are many discordant couples where one has herpes and the other does not and they have veen like that for many years.

At this point you need to talk to her and not accuse her of anything. She needs your love more than ever. Learn more about Herpes as per the info in my signature line.

God Bless your family and help you to be loving and to move forward and keep loving her. Regardless she needs you now more than ever before.
Abe ... Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
Report This| Share this:Heart broke and HerpesEither of you could have had this for 10. 20 or more years have had no idea that either of you had it. Do not assume she knew about it. You need to sit down and talk to her about this and see if she knew she had it. Even if she did do you still love her. Seems like before this happened you did love her and so what has changed. Even if both of you have it like Gail said there is no way of figuring out who brought it into the marraige. If you love her then love her with all your heart. <br /> <br />Do go and get tested and get a type specific igg blood test for HsV 1 &amp; 2. Ask for a copy of the numeric test results and post them on here so we can help you figure out your status. Just because she has herpes does not automatically mean that you have it. There are many discordant couples where one has herpes and the other does not and they have veen like that for many years. <br /> <br />At this point you need to talk to her and not accuse her of anything. She needs your love more than ever. Learn more about Herpes as per the info in my signature line. <br /> <br />God Bless your family and help you to be loving and to move forward and keep loving her. Regardless she needs you now more than ever before.
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