What do I do now?
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An_249569 posted:
Hey everyone. First I would like to acknowledge that it takes a lot of courage to get on here and say so much. I had every intention of getting on here and reading stories without saying a word and your honesty has encouraged me not to do that.

I am 22, a recent college grad, and in a new relationship. The other day I was concerned that my ex (who cheated on me for the last six months of of our two year engagement) may have given me an STD. I knew something was wrong and went to an urgent care. The doctor did all the tests, sent samples to the lab, and told me that he is relatively sure that I have HSV. That was two days ago.

Since I have been a wreck. I am angry at my ex for cheating and angry at myself for letting him convince me that we didn't need to use condoms. He was not just my first, but I was madly in love with him and wanted to make him happy. The thing is, I know better. I worked for a nonprofit that was all about healthy relationships and protecting your sexual health. I knew more about STDs, condoms, and the rest than I ever wished to and this still happened.

I know that all the things I did were my choice and I am responsible for the consequences. However, I keep reading all this stuff about not blaming yourself, not being ashamed, and living a full life with HSV and it all sounds good, but I can't see myself doing any of that.

I am terrified to tell my boyfriend. For now I told him I had a UTI and was on antibiotics. I told him we had to abstain until I finished the meds and was feeling better. I know I have to tell him and I know he has the right to stay or go, but I hate that my ex has so much control over me when he has already hurt me so much.

Your stories give me hope and I want to deal with this in a smart and healthy way, but I am terrified, angry, ashamed, the list goes on...

I need honest answers about how to have this conversation with my boyfriend without becoming overly emotional. What do I say to my ex, if anything at all, and is it wrong of me to want to cut all ties with him considering we were previously friends? Who else, other my than my boyfriend, needs to know? I assume I have to say something to my doctor, but do I have to tell my family?

Any advice and insight would be appreciated. Thanks.

-Angry and Confused
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abe648 responded:
First of all you need to know that God still loves youu even though you blew it from your end. Yes life will go on and in time you will not be ashamed and feel awful.

If you know for certain that he has been cheating on you and you got this from him then no need to feel the way you do. If he denies that he has herpes then tell him to get a type specific igg blood test for hsv 1 & 2. Ask him to get a copy of his results so you can confirm his status. Post his results on her so someone can confirm his status for you.

If he confirms that he does have herrpes and he knew it then it is time to move on. He should have told you he had herpes so you could had made a choice before you had sex with him.

If he denies herpes and refuses to go and get tested then there is no reason for you to stay with him as this same type reply will continue in other aspects of your relationship.

The only way to tell him is to tell him. He needs to know so that he can get tested. Go to my signature line and there is the Herpes Handbook and the video for you to read and watch. If you think that you cannot tell him with out breakin down then sit down and write him a letter and give it to hem to read so that way you can word it jist the way you want to get it just right. The Herpes Handbook and video are also helpfil if he has questions..

If he refuses to get tested then that should be the end of the relationship. I know you care for him but if refuses to get tested then move on so that he cannot have control over you any more.

Let us know how things go so we can help you with any issues you may have. God Bless you and have a Merry Christmas.

l.
Abe ... Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
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sld2012 replied to abe648's response:
I-
Thank you for you kind words and encouragement. I will check out that video and take your advice with regard to both my ex and my new boyfriend. I have not been with my ex in a few months and my new boyfriend is military so he gets tested whether he wants to or not. I just want to make sure I can talk to him before he goes for his next test just in case. I talked to my counselor today (as if I don't already have enough to deal with), and told her what is going on (at least kind of...I told her it was an STD that is not curable but I haven't told her it is HSV2). I brought myself to do some research and found out there is a lot I can do to suppress outbreaks. I am still dealing with a lot of the shame and such (I delete my browsing history every time I research in fear that my family will see what I am looking up) but I know that I am loved either way.

Thank you again for your help and honesty. Your support means more than I can express.

S
 
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abe648 replied to sld2012's response:
Your new bf may not get tested for herpes in the military. So make sure that he gets a type specific igg blood test for HSV 1 & 2 and ask him to get a copy of his results and post them on here so we can help you confirm what his status is.

I see from your post that you have a level head on your shoulders and would that when you feel comfortable come back and post and help others with Herpes.

Let us know how things go in your life and just reply to this post when you know more about your new bf.

Click on the tiger and you can read my brief story. God Bless you.
Abe ... Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/