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Dating with HPV help
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TheWhatFor posted:
Hello. I was officially diagnosed with HPV a little over a year ago. I self diagnosed myself at first and I guess out of denial I postponed the inevitable doctors appointment. Because of a prior relationship I knew that I was wanting a lasting relationship, you know, the ones guys will never admit to wanting. So I met a girl and began dating her under the guise of her being a great woman. At her request before it turned physical, she asked if we could both go get tested together, she didn't want to possibly catch anything. I agreed and we both got tested, and both received a clean bill of health and lab results to boot (anyone sensing irony approaching). One day she abruptly leaves me after about 9 months and breaks contact. A month or so passed and she calls out of the blue to tell me she had cheated on me. I say no big deal but these things hurt, especially since I've always treated any woman I've dated very well, this one even more so. In the ensuing few months my problem manifested. After the doctor visit I contacted her and sure enough she had apparebtly contracted HPV and could not bear to tell me prior out of shame. Her transgressions had apparently been off and on with an ex she couldn't let go of. Since her I haven't had physical contact with a woman because of my HPV. I myself am ashamed. The one thing that I feel like I want most in life now I can't bring myself to even attempt. I do not want to inflict this upon anyone else as that would devastate me and who ever I may pass it to, nor imagine myself admitting it to anyone face to face. I'm not shy from women but I always have been when it comes to trying to date, obviously even more now. In sight of this I genuinely feel depressed. My desire to date and one day settle down just seems over. Fear of rejection, being labeled and found out by friends family or acquaintances tears me apart. I don't know what to do but I've slowly began accepting I'm going to have a life of solitude. But that kind of life.... its just sad and its something that I know will cause me to deteriorate as a person yet I can't get past it. I'm almost 27 now and I for the first time haven't a clue as to what to do. I need insight from anyone experiencing this or had experienced dating after HPV. I don't want to say I'm desperate but I am for hope. Despite being a decently attractive dude, I'm a short dude which has on occasion decreased my odds of landing a woman as it is. Its always been my personality thats helped me in that department and thats slowly changing to me being a quiet mopey bastard. I liked the always happy, funny me better. Even knowing I'm my own worst enemy I can can't pull my self out of this hole I've dug and need a lifeline of helpful advice. Should I try a dating site for people like me or how do I tell a girl if I ever allow myself to date again? What do I do? How do I find a way past this? Any and all help would be greatly appreciated. Thank you for reading this and any post you may provide,
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abe648 responded:
I do not have HPV but I could not halp but respond to your feeling of never havind a loving satisfying love life again.

You need to get some counseling on this as if you do nothing it will just eat you up inside. All is not lost and there is someone who will love you for who you are and not what you have. Talk to someone seek out a counselor who can help you work through this.
God Bless you as you seek help to move forward with your life.
Abe ... Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
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TheWhatFor replied to abe648's response:
I know there are situations where it has worked out for some people as I mentioned on a young ladies post that was concerned about her dating and her herpes. I'm just one of those people that nothing ever works out. I am determined to one day find "her" however it was hard enough to get a date before the HPV and now its impossible, or so I feel. it was hard enough to even tell my doctor much less tell a woman I have feelings for. As for counseling.... really thats why I'm here. I'm looking for people that have the same issue and similar experiences. Or really anyone as kind as your self that offers encouragement or advice. It is depressing because I robbed myself of many opportunities early on in life with women, good ones and now I've made something difficult damn near impossible. I'm not going to "end it all" over this because I have a special little girl that needs a badass uncle like me. I put up a good front for everyone and most of the time for myself but yes there are moments, bad moments. Thank you for taking the time to reply to my post. It was very kind of you.
 
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dentmycarxo responded:
I am not going to be able to give much advice to you, because I really don't have the answer. But I'm responding because I understand this feeling. Although I have only just been informed I have HPV, the main concern in my mind, causing me anxiety and grief, is my love life. Although yes dating sites are an option, I myself am a very sociable person and prefer to meet people through the real world.

So what I am giving a try is dating someone and getting to know them before the physical aspects of things (this is so hard at a young age), and work on building trust and comfort. Then right before taking things to a higher level, I plan on telling them that I have HPV. I'm hoping that if they do not leave me but I'm aware this is an option.(where 50% of the sexually active population has HPV) But they could also be tested to see if they might have it too. Or maybe they will be okay with taking the chance and using condoms.

The fear of rejection and the fear of contamination is a constant stress in the back of my mind. But I feel this is also a way to sort out the wrong kinds of people, till you find someone who really loves you.

I hope this helps.
 
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TheWhatFor replied to dentmycarxo's response:
Any and all advice is helpful and I appreciate you taking the time to offer some. Like you I'm a sociable guy and don't have a need for a dating site under normal circumstances..... that why they made alcohol.... only kidding. Along with my poor taste in humor I do not wish this virus on anyone. As a way to stop at least my passing it along I was wondering if there is a way to find others afflicted with the same thing. I do also understand there is an unreal amount of different strains, however, I'm content with the possibility of picking up a different strain. I've begun to stop hating myself albeit a slow proccess, but a proccess that has begun.


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