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Just told my boyfriend I have Herpes... and I've had it for awhile
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hope2help407 posted:
I know there are thousands of posts similar to mine but I just told my boyfriend of about 9 months I have Herpes type 2 and that i've had it for over 4 years.

I waited so long to tell him out of fear but to completely honest with myself, it was out of selfishness. I am a horrible person for even admitting this but I lied to him when he "sort of" asked me the 1st time we had sex. He asked if this was safe, first time unprotected, we were both drunk but I wanted it so bad, and well we were already naked in bed... I should have stopped and said go buy some condoms, but no... I said " I am fine" and we went on with it.

After that night we continued having sex but I encouraged him to wear a condom but as time went by we just didn't use them. Never thought i'd say today that I love this man but that's what life brings. I remember making a comment once, " I would be so mad if I got something". I knew quite well what that "something" meant, an STD, and an STD from me. I cringed with the lie I had been carrying for about 4 months at that point and tried to put it behind me. He didn't technically ask, I kept on telling myself, who was I kidding?

I was being a selfish bitch. For God's sake he has children, but I still kept it hoping it was a fling and I could just forget about it and him. As the months passed I fell in love with him and for the last two months i've been battling myself about telling him. I imagined not telling him and him finding out years after we'd get married and have kids and my selfish self kept telling myself he'll never find out, but I love him. How can I not tell the person I love that I have a secret, a filthy horrible secret.

He knew something was up, he knows me well. So today was D-day or shall I say H-day. I just told him in the way that I could, sobbing, repenting, and dramatic (after reading some "how to tell your partner you have Herpes articles" not the best way). I guess he took it the best he could. Tried not to get angry, asked if he has it, if there is a cure, how long I knew, if his kids can get it by using his soap ( did I mention I'm a bitch?), etc. All the questions I would ask, and everytime he said the word "Herpes" it felt like a knife stabbing me in the heart. It felt like i'm some dirty person who didn't deserve to even be alive. Like I should just give up on ever finding someone who could love me and would accept my disease.

All these things going through my head, all of my memories of finding out, contacting ALL of my exes, being mortified of them telling their partners ( knowing me), the tests, the depression, the scary moments you think you have an outbreak but it's just an ingrown hair, the doctor telling me well 80% of the population has it ( like if it helped) having all the wrong answers from doctors but a head and heart filled with questions. The fact that I've NEVER had an outbreak and I have Herpes.

But this is not about me is it.... it's about the man that I love, that I have betrayed, that now may not even want to be with me becuase of my mark. A mark that was given to me unwillingly by someone who I thought "was the one".

So what is the purpose of my post. Hopefully finding someone who can relate. Feel like i'm not alone ( though 80% of the population has it), it still feels lonely.

I don't know what I want , I just had to express myself.
Reply
 
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abe648 responded:
Ok so you are not the first and you will not be the last to not tell a partner. Yes you should have told him but now all you can do is move on and see how he reacts to your telling him. It has been quite sometime since you made this post so what has he done so far? Is he still with you and if he is then I would urge you to get him to get a type specific Igg blood test for HSv 1 & 2. If he does get tested then ask him to get a copy of his nemeric test results and post them on here so someone can help you figure out his status.

I pray that he is still with you and that the two of you can move on and havve a good life together. Click on the Tiger and read the odds of transmission to him. He may not have gotten it from you if you avoided sex and the only way for him to find out is to get tested. If you love him then it will be up to him to see if he does love you and the two of you can move on together.

God Bless the two of you and let us know how things are going..
Abe ... Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
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Punkylu replied to abe648's response:
Thanks for sharing your story. You were right on telling him about it, If he really cares for you that won't matter. I was in the other end of your story, meaning that my parter told me a while ago that he had Herpes. When he told me, he describe his feelings just like you did, so don't worry, you are not alone. I feel bad for you guys just because, I know people said this is a big thing, but is not. You know what you have and you get treatment. This condition should not take over you or your life. When he told me, I just look for information and ask him all crazy thing that came up on my mind. I tested positive and like you he has NEVER had a break out. I think all of this happend about 2 years ago and we still together.

Good thing that you told your guys that you have it. In my case I don't care that my partner have it but if he didn't told me and I found out later on while he new he have it, I think that would have been another story.

I got tested every now and then, I don't have Herpes yet, even thou I am aware that I can get it. I was positive for HPV a year ago, it might have been cause my parter have Herpes or any other reason. That doesn't make you any less than anyone we just have a condition that need a little extra care.

I am not sure either of what is my point on this, I guess just to let you know, you are definitively not alone and don't think you are a selfless bitch cause you are not. Specially when all this things are going trough your mind.

Wish you the best!
 
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abe648 replied to Punkylu's response:
Punkylu your welcome and I hope that you read the odds of getting it from your partner. The other thing you need to know is that Herpes can be spread more easily when there is "heat and friction" down yonder. So you cannot control the heat but you can control the friction. So if at anytime in your life if the two of you hit a dry spell when making love then make sure that you have a good lube to make sure that there is no friction. This may still not stop you from getting Herpes but it is still good to know.

God Bless the two of you.
Abe ... Read more in the Herpes Handbook. Watch the Herpes Video and Terri Warren's book The Good News about the Bad News. All located under the heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/


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