Lost and hurt, left feeling some sort of way
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MGMegs posted:
I recently got out of a long relationship at the end of last year. I was trying to focus on school and work and my kids and let love find me when the time was right. Relationships never really work out well for me and I have had a pretty bad string of them in the past. So anyways, I meet this guy who totally charms me right off my feet. That was Feb. Things were going pretty good. Being as independent as I am and not having a long time since my last relationship, I was ok with the way things were progressing. Fast forward to April. I have a pap and ask for a routine STD test. I find out I have HSV2. I was devastated. Don't let me lie, I still am. It is eating me away from the inside out. I tried to talk to my "boyfriend" about it. I thought things were going to get better and progress more with us. Now I see they are just staying the same.

I care for him a lot. Things are so comfortable when we are together. Sometimes though I am not sure when we are apart what he is doing, thinking, etc. I feel like we are becoming divided. I told him this as well.... to be honest I'd feel better about the whole thing if I knew that it was gonna be just me and him in for the LONG haul. He said then he was but now I don't think he is. Not only is it our relationship issues that are bothering me, but I am starting to resent him for giving me this disease. I feel dirty and I blame him. I also blame myself which is killing me because I have always been my own worst enemy. I am beating myself up daily over this. The thought of finding a good respectable man, and then telling him all my baggage, and then laying the biggest bomb of them all with the HSV2+ news on him literally makes me sick to my stomach.

Last week he asked me if I would ever have a threesome with him. I wanted to punch him in his face. Not because of the threesome necessarily because we like to be open and explore in the bedroom. All I can think about is how ashamed I would be to have to tell someone I might want to start a relationship with that I have HSV2. I cry myself to sleep more and more over the situation. How could he not even think about it??? I have a friend who is bisexual who has said on multiple occasions she would like to be intimate with me even if just once and she's also willing to try anything. Honestly, I've thought about it and had mentioned this to my "boyfriend" before the whole HSV thing came about. But how could he even think that I would want to do that with her now? "Oh hey remember that offer you put out there?? Well yea how about you have a threesome with me and my man, o but wait BTW we have HSV2 so you might get that too...."

I need to move on and put this in my past but I can't. I don't know why I am so afraid of losing my "boyfriend". Deep down I think I know that it isn't meant to be. At the same time though I know we could be so great together if he would get over some of his past and let the walls down. I feel like he thinks I'm going to react like all the other crazy women in his life. I am nothing like them and I can't believe that after so many months he can't remember that. We've had multiple things come up to test our relationship and he always thanks me for responding so coolly and talking things through and not flipping out and and assuming the worst but listening to his side of things.

I feel like we can't talk about the important stuff much anymore. I'm not one to tip-toe around conversations but I have lately, so perhaps its my fault that I am not bringing up some of these issues. I am really good at bottling things up and then I try to let them come out in a productive way but it can tend to all come falling out in ways I haven't intended. I'm not sure how to bring up how I am feeling and to let him know how much this is eating away at me. I haven't told ANYONE. Not even my best friend. I am too embarrassed. I honestly can't believe I am on here just pouring my heart out, but at this point I need someone to talk to before I go crazy.
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CM400 responded:
There is no doubt this is a tough situation. You are not alone out there.

In my experience trust is one of the most important elements in a relationship. It seems that is in question for you because of what has transpired. Not to say that is irreversible.

If I understood your post correctly, your boyfriend was HSV2 and didn't tell you? Did he know he was? What do you think the truth is? You don't have to answer these questions publicly... but they all may effect the situation.

If possible try to seek a therapist about your situation. Not because you can't handle it... but because it is a delicate subject that can really weigh you down without the ability to talk about it. I know its a tough step... but talking with someone professionally can provide some perspective on what you are feeling. Although, it can't cure HSV2 , it can take the emotional and mental toll of it away.

At the end of the day it's a minor skin issue... that can cause mental anguish. The latter is treatable and you can feel good about yourself again if choose to go down this road.

If you choose not to seek a therapist..

Consider thinking about it this way... if you're not at peace now then what harm is it to try to something else. If deep down you are unhappy... the decision to move on and see what help is out there may easier than you think. There are STD dating websites.

I hope you find peace in your situation and wish you the best of luck. Please consider talking to someone professionally- this can help! Trust me on that one.
 
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MGMegs replied to CM400's response:
Thank you for your reply. I think talking to someone professionally could help. Like you said, if I am not at peace now then what can it hurt? Perhaps it can help me work through some of the other issues that are going on in my life as well.

I have no symptoms at all which tortures me in a way. I am grateful that I don't have symptoms reminding me of it, but it also just feeds my disbelief in the situation harder to handle.

I am never good at talking things out. I have always been better at writing. I wrote my boyfriend a letter last night and told him everything, about how I was feeling and how much I needed to talk to him about it. Hopefully this helps bridge our gap. Knowing I am not alone helps. Being able to reach out to him and to people here is a big step for me. I think once I can be comfortable to talk about it, the emotional anguish will start to heal.
 
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CM400 replied to MGMegs's response:
Good luck and try to make that big first step in talking to someone (preferably a professional therapist if you can swing it).
On another note, I'm not sure to bring this up as it sounds like you're sure that you have HSV (and that probably is the case).


However, if the only way it was diagnosed was a PAP (with no symptoms) you may consider following up with the blood test (especially IgG type specific tests after you've allotted the appropriate amount of time for since exposure). There have been some issues with PAP diagnosis from what I've read.


Remember, I'm not an expert (just trying to pass some knowledge on) and I'm not trying to get your hopes up. However, consider reading this articles:


http://blogs.webmd.com/genital-herpes-intimate-conversations/2007/02/can-pap-smears-test-for-herpes.html




http://www.herpes-coldsores.com/diagnosing_herpes.htm

or from Terri Warren's "The Good News about the Bad News" section on PAP smear testing.


http://books.google.com/books?id=PoRB5qQXW70C&pg=PA51&lpg=PA51&dq=pap smear herpes diagnosis&source=bl&ots=W6n_ieSg2Q&sig=-PL0k0aktHjHCH4wh0NwvBEei6w&hl=en&sa=X&ei=rmjcUYiEKtTF4APHtoCwBA&ved=0CDgQ6AEwAg#v=onepage&q=pap%20smear%20herpes%20diagnosis&f=false


Good luck!
 
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abe648 replied to MGMegs's response:
agree with the other poster in that counseling would be helpful.. That way you will be able to sort out what the the true issues that you are facing. If you do infact have HSV 2
did you get it from this partner? If so then he should have told you that he had HSV 2 so you could have decided to be or not be intimate with him.

You never do say if you think that you got it froom him.
I am not a medical professional. So I agree with the other poster that a pap smear does nott tesst for Genital Herpes. All it tests for is abnormal cells and from what I understand it is used to check for HPV and types of cancer in the vaginal area. If you have not gotten a "type specific IgG blood test for Hsv 1 & 2" then you need to get that done to confirm your status when it comes to GH. If you do get tested then ask for a copy of the numeric test results and post them on here so someone can confirm your status for you.

If you cannot afford a counselor then some large churches have counselors on staff that would help you worrk through this time in your life.

You are not alone and there are people on here who will listen to you and do care enough to help you at this time in your life.

God Bless you as you move forward.
Abe ...I am not a medical professional. Read the Herpes Handbook, Watch the Video and Terri Warren's book is availible umder the Heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
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MGMegs replied to abe648's response:
Yes I got The HSV2 from my current boyfriend. I was tested several months after I left my ex and then retested again (by a blood test, not just pap) after being with this man. He does not have health insurance and doesn't get routine checks on anything as often as I do. He had no idea that he was positive with HSV2. After I told him he went and got tested.

The financial issues are the reason I haven't gone to talk to someone professionally yet. I know that it is important but it is hard to justify paying that bill if others aren't paid first.
 
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An_252668 replied to MGMegs's response:
I'm glad to hear your considering it. Some health insurance companies will cover therapy sessions at least a number of them. There are several herpes support groups online too. Just wanted to throw it out there. Herpes.Supportgroups.com may be an option. It's free and anonymous. Good luck to you... you're not the only one!
 
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MGMegs replied to An_252668's response:
Thank you so much. I really do need to connect with people who are going through the same thing. I don't feel so alone and helpless knowing there's others out there with me.
 
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abe648 replied to MGMegs's response:
You can also google in Yahoo "Herpes Support Groups" and see if tehre are any support grops in your araa
Abe ...I am not a medical professional. Read the Herpes Handbook, Watch the Video and Terri Warren's book is availible umder the Heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/