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I have genital hsv 1: Stressing in a relationship so much I'm going insane
An_253991 posted:
Oh god, I have no idea where to start. Well I guess I can start by saying I lost my virginity at 18 to my first love. Never slept around and kept to my self regarding sex. Last year I had a really bad break up, one of my friends said" hey don't worry we're only sophomores in college have fun just use a condom!" I didint want to do it, but I thought "she's right" I needa loosen up. I had protected sex but contracted hsv1 a month later from a friend I decided to sleep with. However I was told my virus was an "old" virus... Then I remembered after I had lost my virginity I would feel random chills down there, and as soon as I scratched my clitoris it would all be ok and it would pass. I started to begin maybe I had been a symptomatic and my friend did not in fact transmit it to me through oral. (We only slept together once but he did oral) I was then single for ever. I didint stress about disclosing since I wasent seeing anyone. However 6 months later after being diagnosed I met a guy. He seemed to be coming on too strong, as if he just wanted a hook up. I felt he wasent serious so I didint proceed but then he began to ask me out on dates and insisted. (I guess that's how you know guys don't like being told no) I dated him for 1 month no sexual contact. By the month and a half I began liking him and he began holding my hand. After a hike one day we did it, with protection yes. I thought to myself he might not even like me, if I tell him he's gonna tell everyone in school. So I didint. We continued using a condom. By the 4th month I realized I liked him and he told me he liked me, he asked me to be his gf. I super happy said yes. But I didint realize this was only making it harder. Now, we're incredibly attached to each other wee been going out for 10 months. I love him, however now I can't live like this anymore. I'm dying!! I feel like a liar. I'm only 20, he's 22. I've read so much about the transmutation rates so I know the risks. I was convinced that if I told him now he would understand, so I almost did, but then he was diagnosed with anxiety. Is it possible a person with anxiety can handle such news. Everytime we hangout he compulsively washes he's hands because of "germs". I am currently having an outbreak, so I fled my college town by going home for the weekend since I don't want to have to deal with telling him yet or infecting him. I am currently going to therapy in hopes I can feel better about myself and find a solution for this. My doctor said " I wouldn't tell him, chances are less than 2% are you really going to jeopardize something beautiful for hsv1, tell the man you'll marry not him". I left feeling hopeless yet I understood she's right since people with hsv1 oral she'd 18% of the time. (Way more than us) I'm conclusion what do I do.?! Am I really a horrible person? Hsv1 genital is much more mild than oral why do only we get I disclose. I feel so discouraged for the future. Help!

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