Skip to content
My WebMD Sign In, Sign Up

Announcements

Useful Links!
Help Our Community Answer Your Questions Better By Including In Your Post: Gender, Have You Been Tested For An STD Yet?
Type Of STD Tests and Results? Any Medications To Control Your STD?



Boyfriend has HSV2 // Need Advice!!!
avatar
An_254403 posted:
Hey guys!

So a few months ago I started dating this amazing guy. We had A LOT in common and hit it off right away.

We waited a while to have sex and about 3 weeks after we started having protected sex he admitted to me that he had HSV-2. I was upset at first that he didn't tell me prior to us having intercourse but I was willing to forgive him because I know this can't be something easy to disclose. I know the right thing for him to have done was tell me beforehand but it didn't happen that way.

Either way, at first I told him I was ok with the condition because I didn't want to lose him and we had sex again the day he told me about the diagnosis. But a week has gone by and I'm really struggling with the notion. He really is a great guy and I see a future with him but I'm terrified of the possibility of catching it. He says to-date he has not infected anyone including his ex wife of 3 years and they had a lot of unprotected sex. Well he went to have sex with me this morning and I pulled the plug on it and told him that I needed more time to think about it. He says this is the first time it's happened to him that a gf/significant other needs more time to think about it. I think he's starting to back off in fear that I'll decide I don't want to be with him or deal with his condition.

I need advice as I feel stuck between either losing a great guy/relationship or taking on the risk of catching it. I wish he was a bit more open/ok with me needing more time to think about it.

Advice?
Reply
 
avatar
georgiagail responded:
The guy should have told you beforehand about his status.

Gail
 
avatar
An_254401 responded:
He's not so great. He should have told you before you had sex, and now that you've forgiven him, he should allow you to do some research and make an informed choice.

Getting HSV-2 is not trivial. It's a life changer. Good luck!
 
avatar
Anon_2000 responded:
The other posters are right. He should have told you that he had HSV 2. But you even admitted that it would be a hard thing to tell someone else.

So now you have to decide where to go from here. Do you alike this guy if so then why not give him a chance. If you really want to get educated instead of running purchase a copy of Terri Warran's book

"The Good News about the Bad News" You can get it from her website that I have noted below as an e-book or at a book store. Cost about $16 - 17.

Remember that he may have HSV 2 but he may be the perfect guy for you. He needs to be loved too!! Approx 1im 5 guys have herpes and if you are younger like under 25 it could be as high as 1in 3.

I have been married for over 30 years with HSV 2 and my wife still does not have HSV 2. Click on the Tiger and see the rate of transmission Male to Female.

If you have more questions just ask so we can help you.
God Bless you as you decide what to do next..
 
avatar
abe648 responded:
PS her is the Tiger and the link to Terr's Book.
Abe ...I am not a medical professional. Read the Herpes Handbook, Watch the Video and Terri Warren's book is availible umder the Heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
avatar
An_254403 replied to Anon_2000's response:
Anon_2000, what do you and your wife do to prevent transmission?


My bf is on antiviral meds, we use condoms and he hasn't had an outbreak in 3 years.


He was previously married for 3 years and he and his ex wife had lots of unprotected sex and she supposedly never got it but every circumstance is different so I can't really compare our situation to his past situation.


He also told me that with his last bloodwork, his "viral" figures were very low. I'm not sure what that means but the doctor said they were so low it was almost undetectable.


The other thing that worries me is that I see long term potential for us and at some point (when trying to have kids perhaps) we'll need to stop using condoms at least for a while, what are your thoughts on that and have you and your wife not used condoms?
 
avatar
abe648 replied to An_254403's response:
First of all What does he mean his last vitals were low. Ask him to explain that to you and also ask him to get a copy of his IgG blood test even if it is really old. Once you have HSV 2 there really is always a chance of one getting it and that is the risk you live with. What is he takint for suppressive thearpy and what is the dosage per day? Post all this info for me to see.

When I said that she still does not jhave it I know that we are rather blessed not to have HSV 2 yet. So could you get? Yes you could. Due to personal circumstances we did not ned to use condoms and I would say we used I think apoprox 5 dozen in all those years. When it comes to having children he would not need to stopp taking his meds. If you did get HSV 2 and were using a suppressive therapy then you would need to stop taking the once you became pregnant.
If you have any more questions ask so we can help you. God Bless the two of you
Abe ...I am not a medical professional. Read the Herpes Handbook, Watch the Video and Terri Warren's book is availible umder the Heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
avatar
Anon_137742 responded:
Sorry that this response is a little dated. However, I agree with the people who think this young man should have told you about the HSV2 BEFORE the two of you had sex. Glad to hear he did use protection, but you should have been given the information beforehand. Unprotected sex, even when he is outbreak free, carries a chance for transmission of the virus. Terri Warren's book, The Good News About the Bad News" is well worth the read to fully educate yourself about HSV2.

Communication gets rougher when we get married and have children and have to make long-term decisions. I hope you and he learn to communicate clearly and in a TIMELY fashion..... and remember this....all men start to look like the "right man" once you have sex with them.

Biologically, there is no way around this. It's part of nature's nesting mechanism that has kept our species alive for this long. That's just the way it works for a woman once oxytocin kicks into high gear in her brain, which happens once you start having sex with a man. You might want to do some research on that aspect of your brain chemistry before you decide that he is the right man. Giving yourself a month or two without being sexually intimate with him will give you a lot better (oxytocin-free) perspective than you have now about how good a life partner he might be.

That said, I am a woman who has had HSV2 for 30 years and have had 2 healthy children who are now in their 20's. My (then) husband also had HSV2. Terri's book will also discuss protecting yourself and your baby, if you decide this is the man you want to be your life-partner.

If your current boyfriend isn't okay with giving you the time it takes to step back, take a sex-free break, and process all of this information, then I would say "move on." He won't get any better at giving you space to process things at your own pace once you are in a committed relationship/married.
 
avatar
jackie432 replied to Anon_137742's response:
So I decided to end things not bc of hsv but bc he's not for me. I am going to get tested again now and in 16 weeks. We stopped having sex almost 2 weeks ago. I'll be so pissed if I got it because he didn't pre-disclose. ;(


Helpful Tips

How Can You Get Most Out This Community?
Hello members, Welcome to the STD community! Please feel free to post or join in any discussions on this community. Useful Tools WebMD ... More
Was this Helpful?
2 of 3 found this helpful

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.