Skip to content

Announcements

Useful Links!
Help Our Community Answer Your Questions Better By Including In Your Post: Gender, Have You Been Tested For An STD Yet?
Type Of STD Tests and Results? Any Medications To Control Your STD?



New relationship
avatar
An_254659 posted:
I recently met a man and before anything physical he told me he has
genital herpes. I respect him for having the courage to tell me but has
now left me with the decision if I want to continue the relationship. I
care for him but Im not going to lie it scares me to death. I have done
some research but I am wondering if you can have a normal
relationship. Any input is greatly appreciated..
Reply
 
avatar
abe648 responded:
First of all here is the possible rate of transmission.

Male to Female Transmission Rates
The chances of Male to female transmission is as follows
If you avoid sex when he has an ob the chances are 8-10% that you could get it over a year. If he adds suppressive therapy then it drops to 4-5% and if you use a condom then the risk drops to 2-3%. This is from the Valtrex Clinical trials.
Yes you can have a fulfilling and normal relationship. If he avoids sex when he has an out break and he takes suppressive therapy. I have been married for over 30 years and my wife still does not have HSV 2. Remember that every one comes to a relationship with baggage and we all have to decide what we will do. I cannot say you will not get GH. There are many what is called discordant couples which is where one has GH and the other does not.

If this guy means something to you then the feeling and love you have for him will mean that you will be there fore him for the long run.

You may find a guy who does not have GH but he may not be the right guy for you.
If this guy means something to you then you need to decide which way you will go.

If you have any questions ask as if you do not ask you will not know the answer. Nothing is to personal to ask so we can help you decide

God Bless you as you decide what you will do.
Abe ...I am not a medical professional. Read the Herpes Handbook, Watch the Video and Terri Warren's book is availible umder the Heading Herpes at http://www.westoverheights.com/
 
avatar
Anon_137742 responded:
I am a woman who has HSV2. I met a man 3 years ago who is STD free. As our relationship headed toward intimacy, I told him I had HSV2. It was very difficult but it was the right thing to do. Be glad your man had the integrity to do the same.

I armed him with information, including Terri Warren's book, "The Good News About The Bad News." Eventually, we decided to have an intimate relationship but without intercourse. In addition, I take a daily maintainance dose of acyclovir. Since he doesn't have STDs, I can do a lot of fun things to satisfy him (the reverse would be true for you, as there are fun toys out there to try as you get comfortable with one another.)

My guy is great at touching, caressing, etc & is a wonderful snuggler, so he is able to satisfy me as well. We've been dating for 2 and a half years and he has not contracted HSV2 because of these precautions. I need to mention that we don't live together & are only together intimately every 6-8 weeks for 3-5 days at a time.

Recently, he has been open to new things and I have found some devices that allow us to have intercourse with what might offer a slightly lower risk than the stats that are available, even though you are the one who is STD free and in my case, my boyfriend is.

It has taken us a long time and a great deal of trust, openness and playfulness to get to this but it has been worth it. Our communication is very healthy and that's what you want in any relationship!

There is a product from Practicon (a dental supplier at: http://practicon.com/Insti-Dam-Dental-Dams/p/70-297195/ ) that is a round dental dam with a small hole in it. Enlarging the hole and placing it over the penis allows it to cover the scrotum. In our case, this protects him from any moisture from me that might carry the virus, even when I'm outbreak-free. In your case, it might protect you in the event his virus were anywhere on the scrotum.
The dam is held in place and covered by a sexy black cotton jock strap with a hole for the penis to come thru (you can find this at international jock: http://www.internationaljock.com/go-softwear-suspensory-jock-strap-black,10076.html )

At this point, you could either use a male or female condom for standard protection. The downside of the male condom is that it decreases sensitivity for some men.

The female condom also has challenges, one of which is how to keep it in place without using both hands, which can be clumsy when you're trying to be intimate (these condoms are cheapest at Planned Parenthood).

I solved that problem by using a garter belt and securing the female condom with the four garter hooks. This jerry-rigging has worked well for us and after carefully guiding his penis to make sure it goes inside (not under) the female condom, my hands are free.

A couple tricks I've learned:
- Garters s/b small (about 1/2 the size of the old-school garters that were on grandma's girdle)
- Wear the garter belt inside out so the garter nubs are against you and less likely to be rubbed open by him
- Think "upside down" when attaching garters to the female condom. It might take a time or two to get it right.
- In your case, you might want to use the additional protection of a cotton panty with a hole cut out to absorb any of his moisture outside of the lip of the female condom. Make it sexy panties...have fun!

The good news about the female condom is that you can put the device in place before foreplay, unlike the male condom that cant be used until the man is erect, which sometimes destroys the intimate mood.

You can wear cute panties over the garter belt and after they come off, the garter belt can be a sexy visual for him. The female condom is pretty much invisible.

In addition, my honey takes a regimen of acyclovir, even though he does not have herpes, during the time we're together and for a couple days after.

Hope this helps. It may sound cumbersome but like anything else, practice makes perfect and being safe while being intimate is the goal.
 
avatar
Anon_2000 replied to Anon_137742's response:
As a Female the chances of him getting HSV 2from you is only 2% if you are on suppressive theraapy and do not use a comdom If you use a condom then it drops to 1%. All the things you are using are really not necessary. He either he wants to be intimate with you or he does not.

If I had a Female friend with all thee condoms etc I would be so turned off I would be ougt of there.

This is going way overboard.

All those protections


Helpful Tips

understanding
I'M A 44 YR OLD MOTHER WHO HAS BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST EIGHT YRS. MY HUSBAND IS CURRENTLY LOCKED UP AND I HAVEN'T BEEN WITH ANYBODY FOR 9 ... More
Was this Helpful?
1 of 2 found this helpful

Helpful Resources

Be the first to post a Resource!

Related News

There was an error with this newsfeed

Related Drug Reviews

  • Drug Name User Reviews

Report Problems With Your Medications to the FDA

FDAYou are encouraged to report negative side effects of prescription drugs to the FDA. Visit the FDA MedWatch website or call 1-800-FDA-1088.